In My Life

Ten

As I regained consciousness, I saw my mother in double, looking worried as perched on the side of the couch moving a wet cloth around my forehead.

"Where's John?" I worried myself trying to lean up, having my mother keep me from doing so worriedly.

John had said he loved me.

"I told him to go. I'm going to let this slide because you're not well, but that boy is no good, y'know, I know his aunt Mimi and John is nothing but trouble." She insisted adamantly.

"Mom." I whined squinting from the light.

"I'm trying to do what's in your best interest, you can't be wasting away you're time with a lad like tha'." She tsked.

"I love him." I blurted frustrated how she belittled him to nothing more than a good for nothing teddy boy.

"-a-and he already hurt me, but I still can't help how I feel." I became more shy as I watched how horrified she became.

"Did you tell him why I fainted?" I looked at her holding my breath, fearing what his reaction might've been.

"No." She spoke simply knowing my wished, retracting the cloth was from my head.

"You love him?" She murmured disapprovingly as she stood up, walking off into the kitchen.

I loved him.

I spent the remainder of the day locked up in my room being exhausted from the episode. I had a lot on my mind, I couldn't deny to John that there was something wrong with me much longer after the scene. He deserved to know what he was getting himself into, considering I loved him, and he loved me too as he had said.

I hadn't anticipated to feel this way, and I knew it would only end up hurting him in the end, he had grown to love me.

It grew dark before I knew it, the sound of snowballs being thrown at my window startling me. As I wrestled with my thoughts in bed.

I immediately got up from my bed where I laid sleepless and peered down from my window where I saw a glimpse of John, standing in front of my house, snowball in hand.

Hesitantly, I opened the window, looking down at him feeling myself grow scared of what was to come.

"Good," he huffed dropping the snowball, "right window." He looked relived, fixing his newsboy hat that kept the light snowfall from falling on his head, squinting up at my window behind his glasses much to my surprise.

"What are you doing? Keep your voice down." I was afraid he'd woken up my mum.

"Then come down 'ere." He motioned impatiently, causing me to look at him with contemplation, drawing my bottom lip between my teeth.

"-please." He added, my heart aching as he did so.

I nodded finally, grabbing my dressing gown and throwing it on over my nightdress, not anticipating to be out long after what I had to say, knowing deep down it would scare him off.

I tiptoed down to the front door, unlocking it to see John waiting meekly where I had seen him last, obviously looking confused and worried from what had happened earlier.

"Hi." He spoke simply as I shuffled across the porch in my slippers.

"Hi." I replied, still not wanting to talk to him fully, after all he had lied to me about everything. He had a long term girlfriend.

Yet, I still loved him.

I wish I could forget about my feelings for him, but standing in front of him I just couldn't deny how I felt, knowing he felt the same.

"I'm so sorry, for everything," he confessed looking at me helplessly, "I understand if you can't forgive me, y'know, if I'm quite honest I can't forgive myself-" he trailed off.

Before I could speak he continued, "-I just, earlier, I wanted to make sure you were okay, I never meant to upset you- I-" he rambled, stumbling over his words nervously knowing the last thing I heard from him was he was breaking up with his girlfriend and that he loved me.

"John, I'm terminal." I spoke to him feeling a piece of me die admitting it to him, weight coming off my chest yet still a weight on my heart. He was the last thing making me excited for the time I had left. I had known from the start it couldn't end well.

"Y'what?" He became anxious, his voice wavering, seeming to not want to believe what he'd heard.

"Well, you know I knew Ringo from the sanatorium, but mine never really got better," I explained, becoming slightly ready eyed.

"After tuberculosis I've had, complications. John, I don't think they can fix it." I felt myself become emotional though I didn't want to cry in front of him because I know if I did we both would seeing how upset this made him.

"How long do you have?" He asked, the slightest quiver in his voice.

"It could be months, it could be a year or two, but, I won't last." I shook my head looking to my slippers which were freezing buried in the snow.

"I'm giving you a pass to go now, I understand no one really wants that kind of burden." I sniffled keeping my eyes glued to my feet.

I heard the light crunch of footsteps on the snow, reassuring my fear of what I assumed to be him leaving.

"I'm not leaving you Elle." He stopped in front of me causing my head to snap up in surprise.

"You're stuck with me," he said brushing a hair back behind my ear, "whether you like it or not." He joked slightly lightening the mood, causing me to let out a small laugh.

This made him smile as he gazed into my eyes as his hand rested on my cheek.

After a moment of looking into his eyes deeply I cleared my throat, gaining the courage to speak.

"John?" I asked, tears in my eyes.

He hummed in response.

"I love you too." I confessed, Johns entire face illuminating with elation as I said so.

He instantly leaned down and kissed me intensely, picking me up at my waist my twirling me around, causing me to giggle as our lips parted.

"No more secrets, I promise, you've got me Elle."