Obliviate (Heath Ledger and Sasha Pieterse)

30th Chapter

Heath’s POV:

“Here,” Andy hands me a cup of coffee but i don’t take it.

“What’s wrong?” 

“I don’t feel like it.”

“Heath..”

“I said I don’t feel like it, Andy.”

“You can’t do this. It’s been a week and you haven’t eaten much since then.”

“Yeah. Thanks for reminding me that she’s been like that for 7 days, D.”

“ I didn’t mean it-“

“Don’t.”

“Heath, I’m trying!” He’s yelling now.

“I’m trying too. I’m trying to figure out what the fuck was the reason behind all of this. I’m trying to know why i feel as if i’m the cause of this,” I yell back.

“You’re not.”

“You say it so confidently. You’re lying and I can tell.”

“Heath.”

“What, Andy? Why do you keep repeating my cursed name?”

“We need to talk.”

“No, we don’t.”

“Oh, we really do.”

“Morning,” Eleanor enters the room with a bag of clothes that she brought from Sasha’s apartment. She’s trying her best to distract herself from the facts by thinking about what Sasha would and wouldn’t wear.

“Morning,” Andy and I reply.

“How is she?” She asks.

“The same as you left her an hour ago.” I answer her harshly and regret it the moment the words leave my mouth.

She doesn’t answer, just nods with the sad expressions she’s been wearing for seven days. I’ve been wearing angry ones. I don’t know about Andy but he seems to be worried about something other than Sash.

“You want to have that talk now?” I ask Andy. I don’t feel like staying in the room anymore. I’m tired of looking at her body lying still.

He nods.

We walk to the car. It's better if we're in the car while talking, that way we cannot be entirely focused in the conversation that obviously both of us don't feel like having.

He drives.

"Spill it out, Andy. Just talk." I say, frustrated.

"I wanted to tell you about the way she got hit. You never heard that part, have you?"

"No. And there's a reason. I just don't want to know."

"Well, you need to know."

"Why?"

"Because it might help you understand things."

I keep quite.

"She was coming out of a corner." He pauses to see if i'll stay quiet; that'll give him the permission to continue talking.

I stay quiet.

"She was angry at Red for some reason. She was yelling at him that she doesn't want to listen to him anymore. At least that's what El told me, anyway."

"You've already told me that part." I interrupt him.

"I know," he says and takes a breath "I know."

"After she got out of that corner, a speeding motorcycle went straight towards her and," he takes another breath. "Well, you know the rest."

" A speeding motorcycle?"

"Yeah." He says, parking the car and staring at me.

" Why are we stopping."

"You don't remember anything? About a motorcycle, I mean?"

"Why should I?" 

"Hea-"

A ring tone interrupts.

"It's the hospital!" Andy says, terrified from bad news. He opens the speaker.

"Hello, Andy here."

"Yes. Sir, I think you need to be here right away. The patient's friend does not seem to be very well. She's crying and screaming."

"Oh my god, i'll be right there!" He hangs up and we immediately got out of the car and into the hospital.

We enter the room. Sasha's still lying on that bed. Eleanor, though, is hugging her so tight while crying amount of tears that i've never seen anyone else other than me cry before.

"You can't go and leave me Sasha." She screams at Sasha. Andy is trying to pull her back and hug her to calm her but i don't think that'll work.

"Let me go." She yells at Andy and cries while hitting him on the chest to let her go

"El, please, come on. You can't do this." He holds her even tighter.

"She's gone. She's gone and I'm here alone. She left just like my mom." She cries harder by the second. Even her breath is taken away because of the amount of the sobbing.

"Hey, Eleanor. Hey, look at me." He holds her tight and grabs her face so he can look her in the eye. 

"She is not gone." He looks straight into her eyes. She stops fighting and the loud cries turn into tears then she just gives in and and rests her head on his chest, powerless.

I realize that i haven't moved one bit from my place to stop her. Even the doctor and the nurses are just staring. When she's finally calm, Andy nods at them and they leave the room.

I take the car keys and leave Eleanor In Andy’s arms crying behind me as I leave the room. I need to remember her more so there’s one perfect place for that.

—

As I take the stairs, I remember the first time I brought Sasha to this roof. How she was terrified but trying not to show it. 

God, I miss her so much. I keep wondering what she had to do with Red and why were they not meeting in just a normal public place. 

Why the hell didn’t she tell me about it?

I stop myself. 

Oh, come on, Heath. She wasn’t falling for you like you were for her. Stop doing this to yourself. 

But I felt she cared; she listened and she was always there and she wanted to help with everything she got. That wasn’t possibly nothing. It must have meant something. 

I don’t know anything anymore. I’m back with my head knitting thoughts and stories and imagining stuff and I’m tired.

 I just wish if she was with me right here, right now. Helping me with this shitty mind of mine even though she had her head wrapped up in a mess, I could tell. Even though she always tried to hide it, I can tell when someone’s as lost as me. And Sasha and I, it was like we were in wonderland, we got lost in it and in the end, we both went mad. It’s not a bad thing, though. It’s the kind of land that you don’t mind getting lost in . As long as you’re with someone like Sasha, of course.

I choose to get lost in the stars above for now, just until Sasha shows up. Even if it was only in my dreams.