A Reaper's Mission

Chapter 15: What is Love? (Emma)

Somehow, I wind up waiting for him anyway. I'm not a hundred percent sure why... maybe for David? This is my only chance to save him. I make my way into a nearby park. David...what would he think? Would he be okay with this? I wish he were here so I could talk to him about it. I go and sit on a bench and people watch. Something I never get to do.

As a reaper, I only see death and sorrow. I don't get to see everyday people and everyday emotions. And I shoved down any emotions I had when I was alive. Is that why I don't understand something like this now? No, Michael said others didn't accept it either. But... was he referring to other angels or the living as well?

Why am I even considering this? It's disgusting and unnatural. Nothing about this is normal. No matter what time period.

They are teens in love.

Michael's dumb voice echoes in my mind. Is that all this is? Is this like what I felt towards him? And how...Rex felt towards me? No. It can't be. And yet a memory surfaced of how Rex looked at me. It was identical to the way Jay and Loreto had been looking at each other. I shake my head and drop my face into my hands.

Unnatural. That's what this is. Disgusting. I can't consider anything else. Can I? I sigh and lean my head back and look up at the sky. I look at the clouds, remembering how Rex had insisted we do this once. Do those two do this? Can they?

They are completely normal, no matter what anyone says.

Maybe they can't. I don't know enough about this world anymore. I cannot say I truly understand any of this. Death changes a person and witnessing it every day takes its toll. Could I be behind? Am I being ignorant? I lean forward to see a sight I saw a million times when I was living. Something I had experienced for a short time.

A boy and a girl are holding hands laughing. They're holding ice creams in their free hands and walking side by side, absorbed in their own little bubble. They aren't worried about anything. They don't have to hide. Their love is open for everyone to see and they don't have to be afraid of repercussions. The opposite of what Rex and I were. The opposite of how Jay and Loreto are.

Suddenly, the boy, who had finished his ice cream, grasps his girlfriend's chin. He angles her face towards him, much like Jay had done. The looks on their faces are almost identical to Jay and Loreto's. He pecks her on her lips, then takes a bite of her ice cream. She shrieks and shoves him laughing all the while.

And an image floats in my head. Jay being the boyfriend who steals ice creams. Loreto the boyfriend that shoves him away laughing. The two being happy and open.

Jay and Loreto...they are normal. They aren't disgusting. They are just like this couple in front of me. They are just like Rex when he was with me. They are just two people in love.

And there is nothing wrong with it.

I know when love is wrong... and this can't be it when they look so happy. 

But... all the lessons I learned when I was little float into my head. My teachers reading the Bible. How only men can be with women. How women can only be with men.

I clench my fists. What is wrong with me? Why am I like this? Why did I insult the love of Jay and Loreto? Why...couldn't I be brave like them and love Rex honestly? No, they aren't anything like Rex and me, because they are brave enough to fall in love. I could never be that brave. I couldn't admit that I loved him.

"Emma?" I whip my head upward to see Michael. He has a worried look on his face. He takes a step towards me and puts a hand on my shoulder. He leans down so he can better look me in the eyes, "Why are you crying? Is everything alright?" Crying? I wipe my hands across my cheeks, and they come back wet. Wow. I'm crying again. When was the last time I cried so much?

"I'm okay," I say wiping away the rest of my tears. It's too late for regrets. I cannot change my past. "I..." I start, trying to find my words. Michael raises an eyebrow, patiently waiting for me to gather my thoughts. "I...just really admire how brave and amazing Jay and Loreto are." I look over at Michael and see the biggest, most genuine smile yet take over his face.

"I'm glad to hear that, Emma," Michael says, giving my shoulder a short squeeze. I smile at him and get up from the bench. I stand in front of him, having to look up to meet his cerulean eyes. 

"Where to next?" I ask, Michael, with an excited smile. Michael examines me for a second, before sitting down on the bench. He gives me a shy smile, patting the seat I just vacated.

"I need to tell you something, Emma," Michael says, looking calm. Like Edwin calm. I frown, concerned about him because calm and Michael don't seem like they belong together. Like at all. 

I sit back down, "What's up?" I ask. 

Michael takes a deep breath before slowly releasing it. "Did you know I used to be a grim reaper?" Michael asks me.

What?