𝘚𝘛𝘖𝘗 || ᴋᴏᴛʟᴄ

n i n e t e e n

biana vacker by @justtheblueberry

~

Sophie's never seen Dex like this. Even the first time they met as awkward twelve year olds, he was full of energy, jumping in to ask her questions about her eyes and how old she was.

He's all silent now, missing that quality that was so Dex about him. It's unnerving to see him like this.

They lay beside each other on the floor of Sophie's room, hands clasped over their stomachs and petals getting tangled in their hair. "So," Sophie starts.

"So." Dex says.

This is about all the conversation they have for an hour, Dex twirling his thumbs in his lap and Sophie laying still, numb. She almost doesn't realize Dex is talking to her.

"...Three years?"

Sophie blinks, "Huh?"

"I was just," he sighs, running a hand through his hair. "Three years ago?"

Wincing, she replies, "Yeah. I never told anyone."

"You went through it alone?"

"Well no, Fitz was there." Sophie groans, "Ugh, no. No, bad joke, sorry."

Dex's mouth twitches, like he's trying not to laugh at her awkward behavior, "Is that why you've been avoiding hanging out with us whenever we try to get everyone together?"

"I just.. it's hard to see him laughing with you guys. I know that if I go, I might find myself falling in love with him all over again, it's stupid, I know." Sophie lets out a shaky breath, wiping her eyes with the heel of her palm. "So I've avoided him as much as possible. Avoiding him is the only way to get myself through this. Easy, right?"

He turns to face her, "It isn't the only way, you know. You could ask Livvy to be your therapist again?"

"Livvy and I made so much progress. She's going to be so disappointed if I go back and she finds out I've been hiding something from her through two and a half years of therapy."

"I think she would be happy that you trust her enough to tell her. I know I am."

Sophie's eyes burn, "Not without having a huge breakdown, which I am not in the mood to repeat."

"Please, you're telling me that you've never had a breakdown in front of your therapist?"

Sophie has had quite a few. Unfortunately, this means she is now out of arguments. "Dex, I just don't think I'm ready for more people to know. I mean, you're my best friend and I'm already feeling like I want to tear out my skull."

He takes a long pause, "Okay. Don't do that. But if you're not ready, I don't expect you to tell anyone you don't want to... but Sophie, you really scared us last night. I know that it must have been a thousand times worse for you but—" he pauses. "I suck at... verbal talking, so please let me know if I'm being an asshole. I'm scared that if you don't talk to someone, then one day, we won't be around to help and-" Dex's voice breaks off, and Sophie reaches over for his hand, squeezing it tightly, as reassuring for him as it is for her.

"Not an asshole." Sophie says softly, "And I'm sorry. I was just overwhelmed and not thinking properly, I don't actually want to die."