maniac

honestly

bakugous pov

"todoroki you're a dumbass" i say with a sad smile

i leave the locker room and head to my dorm. classes are over with for today and i want to get started on my homework. i lied. i don't want to get started on my homework i just want a distraction. there's so much shit going on in my head right now that if i just let my mind go wild it wouldn't be pretty. homework keeps me distracted enough and usually once i've finished it it's time for bed.

i unlock my dorm door and enter it. i slam it shut for no reason in particular other than because i can and throw my bookbag on my bed. i have a perfectly good desk i could do my homework at but i always start off by doing my homework in my bed. at some point i end up moving to my desk. i've always done this. i start in the bed, move to the desk, and then go to sleep.

i go to change out of my uniform. i swap out my button up shirt, pants, and binder for a bra, giant hoodie and some spandex shorts. this is usually my go to out fit for when i can't bind anymore. i don't leave my room when i can't bind for obvious reasons. no one finds it unusual for me to not leave my room for long periods of time because of the way i act around them. this usually works out for me but i guess not this time.

in the middle of doing the homework rocklock gave us for ap calc i hear yelling. it's pretty usual to hear yelling in the dorms since we do live with spark plug and shitty hair but this time it didn't sound like them. i cant recognize the voices. it doesn't sound like they're just yelling. fuck i think they're actually fighting out there.

i don't know what to do. someone else will stop whoever's fighting right? i don't need to go out there. it doesn't involve me so i don't need to go out there. i decide to just drown out the fighting the way i used to when i was at home. i grab my air pods and play my edm playlist at 75% volume. i then go to my laptop and play my metal playlist at the same volume. this always worked to drown out any type of yelling or people being loud.

i go back to trying to figure out the problem i was working on. i struggle with it for a while until i finally figure it out. i feel pretty dumb after figuring it out because the answer was actually really obvious and i was looking way too deep into the problem. i move onto the next problem. as i'm writting the problem number i feel a hand touch my shoulder. instinctively i flinch away from the hand and turn around to see who it is. it's spark plug.

"what the fuck dude"

"sorry but uh you need to come to the commons"

i just stare at him. did i forget to lock my door? did he pick the lock? why the fuck do i need to go to the commons? the last time he said some shit like that it was because kirishima and sero had been playing mario kart for 17 hours and sparky was upset that they wouldn't let him play. they claimed they needed to figure out who was the better of the two so that sparky could play the winner but i really didn't give a shit.

"bro it really is an emergency this time i'm not kidding. it's todoroki and midori-wait the fuck is that?"

"the fuck is what?"

he points across the room at my binder and then looks back at me. except he wasn't looking at me. he was looking further down than my face.

fuck. was i going to have to come out to him like this? i didn't even want to come out to anyone ever. i just wanted to pretend that nothing was ever wrong with my body to begin with and that i was born a cis male. that's what i want everyone who meets me to think and i've been pretty good at hiding it and i can't believe my dumbass let myself get found out. he's gonna tell everyone. he always tells people everything. the pros are gonna find out. i'm gonna have to drop out of ua. no way will they let me continue training here. i'm gonna lose everything i've worked for all because i didn't fucking lock my door.