An Indescribable Feeling

I just want to BE happier

Anna woke up suddenly, gasping for breath, her heart pounding as she sat up in bed. It wasn't often that she had nightmares. In fact, she rarely remembered her dreams. Sometimes they were just a faint picture in her mind that she couldn't quite reach. She took some deep breaths and the hand she had against her chest felt her racing heart as it began to calm. 

She glanced over at Jungkook wondering if had woken him. However, her youngest soulmate was still dead to the world. She had forgotten that nothing could wake him up. Anna smiled fondly at him. Although she could only faintly see his face in the darkness, he was still cute. She laid back down next to him so that she was facing him. 

It had been a long time since she had shared a bed with someone, back at sleepovers with friends as a teenager. This was different, very different and Anna was surprised that she felt so comfortable. It wasn't long before she drifted off to sleep once again, with a smile on her lips as her mind was filled with thoughts of the soulmate sleeping next to her.

When Anna woke up later that morning, she found herself in the opposite position to her first night here. This time there was a heavyweight resting on her chest. Jungkook was using her as a pillow. Anna was frozen, not moving at all in case she disturbed him. She wasn't sure what to do. So, she started running her fingers through his hair. This was fine for a while until he started nuzzling her. Anna squealed in surprise.

"Kookie! Wake up! Jungkook?"

"Anna? Are you okay?"

Jimin's voice came from the other side of the bathroom door.

"Yes! I'm fine. Okay!"

Anna knew that she would never be able to wake Jungkook up like that, but she was reluctant to use physical force. She tried gently rolling him over with little luck. However, as his movements began to make Anna uncomfortable, she sat up in her panic, pushing him off her at the same time. She grabbed the covers and pulled them up so that she was covered from the neck down. Then she glanced over at Jungkook. The sudden movement seemed to have woken him up slightly, but it wasn't until he saw Anna through his half-closed eyes that he truly woke up.

"Noona?! What's wrong? Err, what's wrong?"

"Umm..."

Anna had no clue how to answer that question. She could still feel the heat of his body lingering on hers and there was a part of her that wanted to reach out and bring him close to her again.

"Anna?"

While she was at war with herself, Jungkook had shuffled towards her until his face was right next to hers. The call of her name brought Anna's eyes back into focus, only to find a pair of doe eyes staring back at her. Time seemed to pause as they looked into each other's eyes, each finding a range of emotions being reflected there. Their gaze did not waver as Jungkook reached up to tuck Anna's hair behind her ear, letting his hand hover next to her cheek. Anna used one hand to grab hold of his raised arm. Jungkook waited to see if she would push him away, but instead, she just held his arm in place. He took that as encouragement and let his hand hold the side of her head while his thumb caressed her cheek. Something about the movement soothed Anna and she found herself closing her eyes whilst leaning into his hand. The spell was shattered by a knock on the door.

"Time to wake Jungkookie up!"

The interruption startled Anna so much that she jumped out of Jungkook's hold.

"Oops! Morning, Anna."

"Morning, Hobi."

Anna looked anywhere but at the two of her soulmates who were in the room. Seeing her awkwardness, Jungkook sent a glare toward his Hyung who looked already looked very apologetic. It was obvious to Hoseok that he had just interrupted something.

"I just came to wake Jungkook up. Sorry."

After Hoseok had left, closing the door behind him, there was an unsure atmosphere left in the room.

Anna didn't want Jungkook to feel bad in any way, so in a show of reassurance and comfort, she slowly reached out to him. Jungkook stayed very still as if he was dealing with a skittish animal that he didn't want to scare away. He thought his chest might burst from the warmth and happiness he felt when Anna wrapped her arms around his waist before resting her head against his shoulder. He noticed she felt tense as he wrapped his arms around her. He brought one hand up to stroke the back of her head, while the other held her tightly, and he almost sighed in relief when her body relaxed against his.

They stayed like that until Jungkook could hear the others moving about and he knew he had to get ready for work. He kissed Anna on the top of her head before unwrapping his arms from around her.

"I have to get up now. Sorry."

However, instead of letting him go, Anna just held on tighter and shook her head against his chest. Her actions made Jungkook smile.

"I'll be back soon. Promise."

After a moment Anna sighed before reluctantly letting him go. Jungkook couldn't help but laugh when he saw her pouting. He gave her a quick peck on the cheek.

"Wait for me."

Ana watched him and he walked into the bathroom and as soon as the door closed, she hid underneath the covers where she had to suppress a squeal.

She spent the rest of the morning anxiously anticipating Jungkook's return. It was as if she couldn't decide whether she was nervous or excited. Would he want to talk about what happened this morning? Was he planning on continuing from where they left off?

Anna was sitting at the desk in their room when Jungkook got home. He came in and collapsed on their bed. She tried to discreetly look at him, wondering what he would do next. He looked over at her and smiled, opening his arms wide.

"Cuddle?"

Shyly, Anna made her way over to him, crawling across the bed to lie beside him. He rolled onto his side so that they were facing each other and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in so close that his lips were almost touching her forehead. She waited for him to say something, but when he didn't, she instead focused on the feeling of being in his arms again. She had never felt so warm, so safe, so loved.

"How do you feel? Can you tell me how you feel to be with us? To be with me?"

For others, this might seem like a fairly simple question, but Anna had always struggled with her feelings. She found it hard to identify what she was feeling and even harder to put it into words. That was probably, in part, why she enjoyed singing others' songs so much. It gave her a chance to express her feelings.

She must have been silent too long because she felt Jungkook move back slightly to look down at her.

"I don't know... I'm not very good with words."

She glanced up at him.

"Then use someone else's. Sing for me."

Of course, Anna's mind went blank of any and all songs. She tried to think of moments that might express similar feelings. Suddenly a song from one of her favourite musicals came to mind.

"Perhaps I had a wicked childhood. Perhaps I had a miserable youth. But somewhere in my wicked, miserable past, there must have been a moment of truth. For here you are, standing there, loving me. Whether or not you should. But somewhere in my youth, or childhood. I must have done something good."

Whilst she sang, Anna grasped Jungkook's top in her hands, as if she was afraid that he would disappear. After she had finished, he gave her a lingering kiss on the forehead before tightening his hold on her. I will never let you go.