Acting on impulse, you show up at your boss, Aaron Hotchner's, doorstep in the middle of the night. The resulting night of passion kickstarts a timeline of events you never could've imagined. Crazy how one night could cause so much pain and pleasure.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
A gentle hand on your knee wakes you up from your sleep. "Y/N." Reid shakes you. You jolt a little and tiredly look up at him, "We just landed." He gives you a soft smile.
You gather up your bag and your case files before standing up and making your way off the jet with everyone else. You put as much distance as possible between you and Hotch. You've managed to avoid his gaze since last night. You're torturing him, you can see that. It's not your intention, truly, but it seems as if every interaction between the two of you ends in pain.
It always ends in yelling or fighting. You know what you have to do. You have to release one another from this pain. At the thought, you feel sick to your stomach. You don't want to let him go. But all the hurt you've caused him? How can you go on like this? How can you pretend like you haven't hurt him?
You walk into the BAU feeling numb. Your body feels like it's on autopilot as you walk to put your bags away at your desk. You hear the team talking behind you but the conversation feels distant.
"Ok we all need a drink," Prentiss plops down into her desk chair, swiveling around slowly.
"As long as Rossi is buying I'm there," Morgan points and slides his go-bag under his desk.
"Y/N, you in?" Reid turns to look at you.
"Hm?" You snap your head around, looking away from Hotch's office as you watch him walk up the stairs.
"You want to go grab drinks with us?" Reid wraps his hands around the strap of his bag.
You take one more glance up at Hotch's office, looking at him through the window as he sits at his desk, placing his head in both hands. "I uh... I think I'm going to just head home for the night." You give the whole team a forced smile. You can tell from the way JJ's eyes narrow at you that they can tell you're lying but no one is going to bother to push you. They were able to clearly sense the tension between the two of you on the plane.
You lean back against your desk and give a small nod as the team moves to file out, "You'll be sorely missed, kid." Morgan rubs your shoulder lightly as they leave the office.
You wait a moment, taking a slow breath in. Is it normal for your heart to hurt this much? Every minute you think about what you have to do, your heart pangs with guilt. Releasing him from pain is what you need to do. When you love someone, let them go... right? You're too difficult for him. Too damaged. Too snippy, too snarky, too unloveable.
Once again, your body feels as if it is moving on its own as you walk up the stairs and knock on the door lightly.
"Come in," Hotch clears his throat slightly.
You open the door and step in. "Hotch listen—"
"If you're here to yell at me or fight with me," Hotch starts frustratedly.
"I'm not," You sigh, "We need to talk."
"I already have a mountain of paperwork to get done before tomorrow so maybe we can table this to tomorrow," Hotch looks away from you and back down to the paperwork.
