Waving Through a Window (Connor Murphy X Reader)

Kiss and make up

I started to think that confessing was a mistake. I could have never told him how I felt and we would have still been somewhat friends and smoking under the bleachers every day during lunch. What was said was said, though, and what was done was done. I laid on my back staring at the ceiling of my bed room, wishing I could text him. I felt lonely. That was not often. I liked a lot of alone time, but this was too much.

Evan was at Jared's for something. they were supposed to be studying for an upcoming test. Jared was probably trying to come up with ways to cheat as Evan actually studied. Mom did not come home until late. It was too quiet in the house.

I got a notification. An Instagram notification saying someone I followed went live. I clicked on it. Why not. It was loud, wherever they were. It sounded like a lot of people talking over each other, and music. A party was what everyone viewing it had either assumed or knew about it. Someone in the comments asked where it was, so the person who was recording typed in the address. Of course, with some typos, but I got the gist. I could walk there if I wanted. Annoyingly loud company was better than no company, after all. Plus, free alcohol. 

I got dressed in something more party-ish. A spaghetti strap crop top, jean jacket, shorts, fishnets, and boots.  Not exactly party attire, but better than my tank top and sweat pants. It did not take long to get there once I started walking. It was not a huge party. Decently sized, but I had seen bigger. Not that I had been to very many previously. A few, sure, but it's not like I was very experienced in it.

It was not crowded, so I made it to the kitchen without a hitch. I chugged down a few beers, then left with some whiskey and leaned on the wall as I watched people messily dancing. The music was a tad quieter than it should have been, making the party have an awkward hint to it, but not awkward enough for people to leave.

It got less awkward when a friend of the host quite literally dragged in a speaker. The music got louder, and people from outside, and other parts of the house, started to conjugate to the living room. I decided that it was time for fresh air.

The air was getting too thick, and I was starting to get in the party mood. The kind of mood where you don't think about what you are doing and just do what sounds good in that moment, not thinking about the consequences. I wished I could blame it on the alcohol, but I had not drank enough to blame it for my foolish actions. 

I pushed through the crowd a bit, but they pushed me back, leading me in the middle of the back wall of the house, furthest away from both the front and back doors. I was already out of effort, just wanting to have fun, and looked around where I was for someone to talk to.

Bad idea.

Ten feet away stood Connor. He wore a grey T-shirt with a jacket, and jeans, as always. He took a long drink from his polo cup before placing it at his feet, still partially full. It was the first time I really saw him since I confessed a week before. I guess it doesn't seem long looking back on it, but it felt like a month. I liked him more than I thought, is what I found out. Seeing him when I was vulnerable and desperate was bad.

I felt the adrenaline of the party rushing through me already, and it heightened when I looked at him. I tried to look away, but I always ended up looking back again. My cheeks burned, and my heart rate was fast. I hated liking people. It made me feel weak, but I knew to not think of it that way. It was alright to like people, at least if you don't go overboard. I was afraid anything I did that night would be overboard, and I would do something stupid if I were to talk to him.

"Hey, Connor," But, because I was stupid and desperate to be friends with him again, I talked anyway. You know, like an idiot. A love struck puppy. Trying to convince myself all I wanted was friendship. That was all bullshit, but I would have to grin and bare it if he was still willing to be my friend.