Shiganomu Shigaraki X Nomu (USJ)

Chapter 1, USJ Shooting [Remastered]

(One Spoiler Below)

Life as a villain was miserable, brutish, and short. Such was Tomura Shigaraki's life working nine to five in the League of Villains in poor working conditions and for a competitive wage (one step below minimum wage). Kurogiri's dinner was the usual, a 10-year-old slice of pizza that gave Shigaraki a bad case of diarrhea. All For One was away in a long court battle over the League of Villain's alleged tax evasion and you don't mess with the National Tax Agency (the Japanese IRS).

Shigaraki considered himself the busiest man alive not just because of Japan's work culture, but because Shigaraki had a divine mission. For 15 spiteful years, he has had to live under All Might's shadow because everyone in Japan was buying his All Might merch instead of the League's Shigaraki merch. All Might's anti-competitive merchandising practices have backed the League of Villains into a corner and strangled their main source of income. Shigaraki might have to put Kurogiri up for adoption if he has to live one more business day without a paycheck.

Shigaraki was at rock bottom and it seemed impossible to ever rise again. He tried to kill himself once by touching himself with five fingers only to find out that his quirk doesn't work on himself. In spite of these mental health problems, Shigaraki had the world's best therapist and a saving grace above all, NOMU. Nomu was gifted with the perfect quirks for a therapist: super regeneration, shock absorption, and dashing facial looks. Nomu's succulent brain muscles and shining incisor teeth would make anyone fall for him. And if they didn't, they would fall after losing consciousness from being punched to death.

Shigaraki needed to do something big, really big. Instead of just robbing old people at his local park's sausage stall, he decided that he would become something greater, a school shooter. School shootings were all the news and it would finally give the League of Villains the clout and media attention needed to be one of the greats. Everyone would buy the league's merch, it would be a dream come true.

So the target was the USJ since it sounded similar to the USA and that would give them a boost in the youtube algorithms. In a stroke of luck, All Might started teaching at UA giving Shigaraki the perfect opportunity to eliminate his main competitor in the merch market. After they kill All Might, his merchandising company will go bankrupt and everyone will say "Wow. What a loser. I'm not going to buy All Might merch anymore." Finally, a real dinner rather than spoiled pizza seemed like something attainable. Shigaraki dared to dream.

But the USJ Arc was a long way off. Shigaraki wanted dinner now, but Kurogiri's 10-year-old pizza tastes like Styrofoam. Even Nomu wouldn't touch Kurogiri's pizza, and he was on a diet of nothing but hobos. What little money the League had was used to pay for Nomu's gym membership for the past five years. Shigaraki saw the potential of Nomu's steroid-enhanced rippling muscles and booked another therapy session.

"Nomu. My therapist and secret lover. Being with you is the reason I look forward to Kurogiri's dinners even though they taste like garbage. If only work wasn't so difficult and I could just play 'hero' with you and your stunning abs."

"ROARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR" said Nomu.

"Nomu I know. Society is a piece of shit for ignoring my worker's rights abuses at the hands of master. But I need to get rid of that damned All Might so I can sell enough Shigaraki and Nomu merch to get that sweet sweet passive income."

"ROARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR" said Nomu.

"Nomu I know... Being alone in the dog house is scary and that's why I sleep in the bar. I literally can't turn on your night light because I couldn't afford to pay the electricity bill. It'll be fine. Kurogiri can accompany you. Wait no he's our cook. If he doesn't cook, we won't eat anything and that's worse than eating his pizza. Ughhhh... This is so stressful. I'm getting stressed. Does it feel like I have a tragic upbringing. It's like I have no one to talk to. Is it because they left after I tried to pay them with my old socks?"