Why We Broke Up || YeonBin

Letter #21

You don't know it but I'm here, just a couple of feet away from you.

It was this morning that I heard the news from Jimin hyung, he was the one assigned for your security by the way, along with Taehyung hyung, and he called me to say that he found out you were planning to go somewhere. To Busan, specifically.

And you know how worried I get sometimes, so I ditched work and did everything I can to know what on earth you were up to. Because I think— no, I'm sure, I know you enough to know that you don't have any relatives there to visit. And I wouldn't want my dad's men to tail after you, not like they would, but I can never be too sure.

Of course they tried to stop me, the hyungs, but I just really, really felt the need to do it myself. I had to assure them lots of times that I'll be back, sure, but in the end they all agreed. But I have to take Jungkook hyung with me just in case dad finds out I left.

Don't worry your pretty little head about that though, it's for me to think about and I wouldn't let anything go south, anyway. Not when you're just steps away from me.

And I think I get it now. I finally understand why you suddenly decided to go here. Know your reason why you went straight to the closest beach the moment you got out of the train. You still even have your bags with you, lying there on the sand behind you where the waves can't reach. While you sat there, your legs curled up to your chest with your arms wrapped around them. And you're just staring at the sea, the sunset hitting you just right and it's taking every ounce of me not to run right over there and take you in my embrace.

You look so beautiful, Yeonjun-ah. So gorgeous, you are and it aches, just right above my chest like a newly opened wound that cannot be healed because you are just there but I can't touch you. It's maddening but it keeps me sane at the same time. Because at least, I'm seeing you right? Even if you don't know it. Even if you don't have any idea that I'm just here, watching you place your chin on your arms and I can see you cry.

It hurts, baby, I know. Trust me I understand how it feels and I'm so sorry I did this to us. I'm sorry, I really am and I would apologize to you a million times if I have to. And I'm sorry because that's the only thing I can say while hearing you call out to me.

And god, Yeonjun hyung, I love you too, I do. I do. I do. I fucking do and I hope I can tell you that out loud but Jungkook hyung has a tight grip on my arm and he wouldn't let us be seen.

It's also starting to get dark now and the people are leaving. I don't know how many hours has it been since we arrived here but I don't mind. I could spend more if that means I get to stare at you. Although all I can do right now is silently admire you from here, it has to be enough.

The waves get stronger and they splashed against the rocks. You are standing now and there are still tears evident in your face but you keep on wiping it away. You're smiling but it looks so sad. It's like a smile of acceptance and it makes me feel selfish because I don't want you to have that. It's like you're accepting I left and you're trying to let go and I'm really sorry you're going through this but I can't even tell you the truth.

You're yelling now. You're cursing my name and all I can do is chuckle because I deserve it. I deserve worse from you, I believe. And now you're crying again because you're so mad. It makes me wonder how you would react if you find out I can hear everything you say. Will you curse me more? Will you punch me? Will you be embarrassed? Or will you kiss me in front of this stupid place and stupid people in a world that doesn't make any sense?

You just said you miss me.

I miss you too.

You just turned around and we managed to hide on time. You're picking up your bags and you look so exhausted from all the yelling and crying. You look so lost. Like a star that happens to be apart from the rest but you still look so wonderful, shining so beautiful and bright and just waiting to be found. But I do not have the wings to reach you up there in the sky.

And I don't think I deserve to.

Also, Yeonjun hyung, I know it's completely the opposite for us at the moment but, Happy Anniversary. I hope for your happiness. Always.