Lady March - (L.L.)

Chapter 33

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Difficult To Imagine

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Jo sat in her room, staring at the various books displayed on her desk. She sighed, turning to look out the window. She felt an empty feeling in her chest. It had been a while since Beth's death and today was just like any other: her unable to move on, constantly feeling like there was something she could've done to save her.

She let out a deep breath and placed her hands on the windowsill, her ghostly reflection staring back at her as she watched Marmee board the carriage and head into town. She shut her eyes and turned around swiftly, slamming her notebook closed.

Jo felt sadness pass over her, but a bit of anger was nestled somewhere in the back of her mind. She seemed to be having an internal argument with herself. One side of her mind was cursing her for not inventing some sort of cure for Beth, and the other was reasoning that there wasn't possible that she could've done that would change her sister's fate.

As if stimulated by a sudden thought, she grabbed her trusty notebook and trudged out of her room. She found herself searching the rest of the house for Annie McLaren, believing that the girl tended to have the solution to every problem the family faced. Reaching the girl's bedroom that she was sure the girl would be in, she took a deep breath and stumbled into the room without even knocking. Classic Jo anyway.

Annie looked up from her novel and met the other girl's eyes with questions. "Did you need something, Jo?"

Jo parted her mouth to speak but found that no words left her mouth. Suddenly feeling a mix of emotions overlap her thoughts, she shook her head. She turned to leave. "N-No, sorry . . . I'll leave."

Annie stood up. "Jo, wait! Tell me, why do you look so upset?"

Jo didn't respond for a moment. A look of contemplation crossed her pale features and Annie almost cringed at how awkward the situation had suddenly become. Jo approached her and dropped her head. A small sniffle was heard and the McLaren girl frowned. She wasn't going to ask her if she was alright or why she was crying -- that just wasn't the right thing to do at the time. Instead, she waited for the girl to say something herself. Lucky for her, it didn't take long for her to speak up.

"Does it ever end?" she asked rhetorically, only continuing a moment later, "The sadness? The feeling of absolute dread?"

It didn't take a genius to know what or who the cause of Jo's sadness, so Annie placed a gentle hand on the girl's shoulder, giving it a small squeeze.

"Believe me when I say it does," she told her. "It just takes a bit of time, but before you know it, you'll forget why you were ever upset in the first place."

Annie wished for once that someone would tell her those kinds of encouraging words instead of her having to do it for others all the time, but she agreed to not think about that thought too much. After all, other people probably didn't have that kind of personality.

"I can't forget about what happened to her," Jo said, "Even what you told Meg to visit her grave every day, but that doesn't help me. Not like it helps Meg."

"Everyone copes differently, Jo, and you'll find your method soon," the McLaren girl said. She thought about it for a second before suggesting, "Have you considered doing what you love in order to move on?"

Jo furrowed her brows. "What do you mean?"

"Well, how about writing?"

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