Lady March - (L.L.)

Chapter 35

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Confessions

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"I like you, Theo. In fact, I might even love you like I've never loved anyone before."

Laurie stood in front of Annie, staring back at her hopeful baby blue eyes that looked up at him expectantly. He wasn't even sure what to say. When he woke up that morning, he certainly didn't expect that. A wave of a million different emotions lapped his sight, a sea that he found himself drowning in, unsure of what direction to swim in next. Happiness, joy, heartbreak, confusion, dread, crave, longing . . . all wrapped in one. He was aware that she wasn't engaged anymore: practically the whole family knew, under the assumption that Maxwell was the one who didn't wish to marry her, not that they were both at a mutual understanding with each other. For the longest time all he knew was that he wanted Annie McLaren. To love and cherish her until no tomorrow. Then why was he suddenly so unsure? He wished to hold her in his arms and kiss her, but he didn't move. He froze, staring at the blonde who had conquered his heart since the day he first met her. But, there was someone else's feelings to keep in mind and he couldn't possibly just toss those out of the way. For the first time in his life, he hated having other people's feelings above his own. For once, he wanted to be selfish. And yet, he couldn't find the courage to be so.

Annie took a step forward before halting. Another blonde by the name of Amy March approached Laurie before hooking her arm through his and smiled sweetly at him, not noticing the growing tension between the other two. "Laurie, I've been looking all over for you."

Laurie continued to stare at Annie, gnawing at his lip as a heartbroken expression crossed her face, before it quickly dispersed and was replaced with a false smile of happiness. Amy noticed her and greeted, "Hi, Annie."

He frowned as Annie refused to meet his eyes. Amy spoke up, "Are you coming? There's a new painting I'm working on and wanted to show it to you."

***

Across from Laurie and Amy laid a painting of Laurie. He supposed the painting looked quite similar to himself, but his curls were now longer and he looked a bit older. A look of defeat crossed his face as he realized just how long Amy must have been working on this painting of him. The man turned to her, capturing her distant expression as she took a step back from him. He clenched his jaw at the sight, feeling remorse and guilt.

An awkward silence followed as Amy avoided Laurie's gaze at all cost, crossing her arms over her chest in a determined state. He hated seeing her like this, and she felt much the same about him. He knew her pain was his fault, but he too felt pained as well.

"I'm sorry, Amy, I . . ." he sighed, passing a hand through his black curls as he clenched his jaw. "I should've told you."

"No, I'm sorry, Laurie. Sorry for being foolish enough to think that you could trust me with these things." She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

Laurie frowned. "These things? How could you expect me to reveal the truth to you about my feelings? We're almost engaged, Amy, if you happened to forget."

"You think I don't know that?" she snapped, interrupting whatever phrase he had next. She sighed, wincing at the harsh tone in her voice. She felt small as she hugged herself, staring at the floor and whispering, "You should've said something, Laurie. If you liked someone else -- Annie -- then you should've told me. I would've backed off, really!"

"I couldn't do this to you though, Amy," he explained, "We'd been through so much together in France that I decided that it would be better to forget about everything."

"Then tell me, Laurie! Look me in the eyes right now, and tell me." They both stood close, close enough to hear the hammering hearts inside their chests, and the sole emotion hidden behind their eyes. "Tell me that you don't feel anything for Annie, that you have moved on." Her voice softened, as if she were handing him a fragile vase and was asking him to not drop it. The silence that came afterwards answered her question. He would end up dropping the vase. Amy took a step back, biting her lips as she contemplated her feelings one last time.

***

Laurie leaned his back against a wall, a half-empty cup of bourbon in his hand and another empty bottle of it before him. The first thing he did that evening was travel to the nearest booze-selling shop and got drunk out of his mind. It was what he tended to resort to in times of distress anyway, even though he knew it was a very lame way to forget about things for a while. "Why must women be so difficult to read all the time?" he asked himself out loud.

An older man across from him glanced at him in question. "I would say that too, but if the wife heard, she'd positively have my head." The man chucked lightheartedly, and Laurie looked up with an amused expression, any signs of embarrassment of being heard not visible.

"Oh, you're married?"

The man nodded with a dreamlike expression. "Fifteen beautiful years."

Laurie mused, his own worries cut aside for a while. "How's that working for you?"

"Not too bad, if I'm being honest. She takes good care of me, so I suppose that's a bonus," he said, winking at the younger boy teasingly. "The kids are the annoying part though."

Maybe it was the loads of alcohol that he had consumed which caused Laurie to laugh along with the strange and overly friendly man. He wasn't even sure why he found the said joke funny as he himself adored children.

A moment later, the man continued, "Why, you've got a lady?"

"Well . . ." the brunette trailed off, looking away with slight embarrassment. His hand absentmindedly tapped on the glass cup he was holding. "That's the question . . . That is the question."

"Well, son?"

"No, I don't," he confessed, shrugging. "I mean, I don't know. It's, uh . . . It's complicated."

The older man chuckled. "Yeah, I don't do complicated relationships."

"Because you're already married?" Laurie suggested and the man nodded with a grin.

"What's her name? Who is she?" he wondered curiously.

Normally if someone was as friendly as this man right here, Laurie would've stirred away from the topic because it seemed personal, but something told him that this man meant no harm. And what would he do anyway? It wasn't like Laurie shared anything too personal. "I wish I could say just one name."

"Oh . . . You've a problem with two."

There was no response but the man could hear Laurie's answer clearly through the silence. Crossing his arms, the man's carefree smile turned into one of seriousness. "You know, a wise man once told me that I should evaluate my feelings soon or I might just end up hurting everyone involved."

Laurie looked up and something like an understanding passed between the two. And for the first time in a long time, he knew exactly what he was doing.