𝘖𝘏 𝘈𝘕𝘈 - 𝘛𝘖𝘔𝘔𝘠𝘐𝘕𝘕𝘐𝘛

twenty-eight.

catching up with old friends always managed to crumble the deepest sections of his heart.

the next few days of tommy's hospitalization went by slower than he wished for them to. it became a challenge for him to complete more than a couple bites of his meals (if he even agreed to accept them), which led to daily dates with his bed and a feeding tube. at least he got a good sleep out of never leaving his room, he tried to remind himself.

wilbur continued to visit him - though sad to see the boy in a miserable state, refusing help - whilst nightly calls were saved for tubbo. when he came on the weekend, tommy decided on ringing his smp friends. dream, techno, niki, and philza were the ones he spoke to most, though the masked man always included the rest of the dream team in the call when he could, speaker on through discord for the others to chime in to. george wished him well, and sapnap made sure to remind the blond that he was the biggest man. it would've felt nice if he didn't believe they were pitying him, playful bullying methods dissipating the moment they heard the news. maybe it would benefit him in calling schlatt sometime, it'd feel comforting to hear the man ruthlessly pick on him simply for being younger than everyone else in their friend group, without the need for feeling bad or babying him.

occasionally, there would be times when a nurse would come into his room and usher the phone to him, explaining that his parents were on the line, and tommy hated to admit that those were the times he dreaded the most. his mom was scared, dad concerned, and him: disappointed in being the reason for it. it never benefited any of them to discuss how the blond was holding up; usually ended in a crying session or tommy hanging up to prevent one, an excuse of 'i have to take meds,' lingering in the air as his parents let him go. despite all three of them being aware that there weren't any for him to take until the afternoon, the argument was left untouched, words unspoken in spite of them all being just a little too tired to try anymore.

he sat in his bed - where else would he be? - one afternoon, awaiting the arrival of his friends as he fumbled with the tube inserted up his left nostril. he'd managed in getting an extra bite that day, but still, the requirement was to complete the entire dish, and he just wasn't able to make it happen. frustration quickly built up as he fought the abusive thoughts in his head. he wasn't sure what was worse: the constant need to be better so that he could leave and refrain from further worrying his friends, or the persistent whispers of belittlement in his head telling him that he was disgusting for having more than he should've.

racing thoughts were interrupted by the gentle squeak of his door opening, a series of knocks soon followed after. tommy met eyes with a familiar brunette boy and a much taller musician.

"tubbo!" the blond greeted as his friend moved to hug him, "i haven't seen you in forever, big t."

"it's only been five days," he smiled, "i missed you, man." as they pulled apart and shared a grin, a prominent - and rather comedic - 'ahem' was emitted from wilbur's throat, causing the two to glance over at him.

"hey, guys! i'm here too, by the way. i was tubbo's ride and everything," the man cheered, which made the brunette playfully roll his eyes and tommy laugh.

"hello, bitch boy."

"hello, tommyinnit," the man smiled as he approached him, offering a short hug, "we brought a friend with us, by the way, she's just grabbing something from the car."

and immediately, he knew who wilbur was referring to. there were only a handful of women in their friend group, and the blond doubted that any of the remaining ones would fly all the way to see him for a little less than an hour. maybe minx, but they weren't close, and tommy wasn't sure wilbur would be able to survive a car ride with her for longer than ten minutes. even he could admit that she was overbearingly loud, despite her humor and entertaining habit to curse between every other word in a thick, irish accent.

"niki?" he asked, more in a 'she's really here?' sort of way rather than 'is my guess correct?' wilbur smiled at him, which answered his question, and soon enough, as if on cue, the gentle hum of said girl was approaching his bedroom door. she poked her head through the entrance and, after witnessing tommy's condition, rushed to his side to pull him into an embrace.

"oh, tommy. i'm so sorry."

he let out a tired sigh and rested a hand on the girl's back, muttering a quick, 'hey, niki nihachu,' as she squeezed him tight, afterward releasing him to sit on the bed next to tubbo.

"how are you feeling?" she tried, voice light and caring, and it almost made him want to ask her for another hug. she was the human embodiment of kindness and nurture, and tommy briefly wondered what being must've constructed her to be so gentle towards humanity.

"i, uh- yeah, not great," he confessed, the comforting silence given from the three enough to allow him to continue, "i just can't finish my meals. i know i need to recover, but i don't want to. not when there's a chance of me looking worse when i know i could do better."

they frowned - it made him feel like shit - until niki eventually asked tubbo and wilbur to leave for a couple of minutes so that they could talk. maybe it was the way neither of his friends' expressions faltered as they moved to exit that made tommy think that this was already spoken about beforehand. he spared a glance towards wilbur as he turned to look at him, waving slightly, afterward looking back at the blonde when the door closed with a resounding 'click.' something about the way his gaze met with a sympathetic one made him realize he wasn't going to get out of this visitation session with dry eyes.