WHEN THEY CRY.

☤twenty five

jimin continued to look around the old apartment. he noticed some letters scattered on his dining table, seemingly from his landlord who was the only one who could have possibly been able to enter his apartment during all this time. they had 'PRIORITY' written boldly with red ink, giving him some sort of an idea of what could be inside. it was always comedic how surprising he still found things like this.

he had been basically placed on a 51/50 hold by the psychiatric mental health hospital, unable to leave of his own free will until only today, and yet he had about four letters from his apartment owner telling him his rent was overdue. she had to know what had happened in her building that day three police cars, one firetruck and an ambulance full of medics had burst into his home to find him swinging on the brink of lifelessness, yet what she was concerned about was being payed on time.

jimin glared at the letters, shoving the papers off of the old wooden oak table. he couldn't care less about anything anymore. especially his fucking rent. he almost got a sense of satisfaction from the fact that his landlord wouldn't see another penny from him again for this run down place he got after running away from home. no would would see him anymore.

jimin's eyes traveled to the familiar pillar just outside of the open kitchen area, the noose he had used for his suicide attempt no where to be seen. he might have even been able to convince himself that night had never happened if it weren't for the thick tight knot still wrapped sufficatingly around the pillar, completely cut to the top thanks to the firemen who had cut him down from his hanging demise. it wouldn't be too hard to get down, jimin just figured everyone was too focused on him that day to bring a chair over to reach the rest of the rope.

"bad jimin, bad"

the young blonde willed his eyes away from the rope, taking sudden heavy steps towards his bedroom. his bed was the same mess it was before he left it. the covers were everywhere, pillows thrown all around without a care and deep red, almost now brown looking stains dried into the middle of the white sheets from the violent sexual abuse he had received that day he had snapped. jimin walked over to it, hand reaching out to caress the satin sheets where is own blood had crusted over top of it.

jungkook was so cruel. he always is. that's why when he started seeing him he knew he had to leave. try to go somewhere he could at least cry in peace without his parents coming up and locking him in his bedroom with a blood thirsty beast always willing and ready to devour him. he remembered the first time jungkook touched him despite his pleading rejections. he remembered the first time jungkook left him limping down his stairs with bruises all over himself. he remembered the first time he told his parents about him and how they called him 'crazy' just like those shadow figures. he also remembered the first time jungkook lied to him.

jimin pushed himself off of his old bed, pushing open the bathroom door just on the other side of the room. it was completely clean besides a little bit of dust gathered on the shelves. so much cleaner than it looked the multiple occasions he dripped blood down his shaking body all the way to the bathtub to try and clean up jungkook's mess after particularly rough encounters. it reminded him of his old bathroom at his parent's house a couple years ago. the way it looked that first time jungkook let his lies brainwash jimin.

jimin will never forget the way his face burned brightly at jungkook's gentle words the first ever time he reached for a bottle of sleeping pills, not yet having the intention to swallow the whole container, but rather being a little too curious about the thought. jimin could remember letting jungkook's strong arms wrap around him in a protective hold, the usual unwarranted aggression he usually displayed gone as if it never even existed before. even though jungkook was always freezing cold to the touch like a corpse, it still made jimin feel so warm inside.

he'd never ever forget the way his heart pounded in his little chest when jungkook kissed his lips ever so gently, almost lovingly, and whispered the four words he had always needed but never heard from anyone ever before. "I'm here for you." he knew he shouldn't of felt so safe and comfortable with jungkook at those times, but he did. even if he knew it wasn't going to last, it felt so good thinking someone in this world actually cared about him.

thankfully however, it didn't take jimin too long to figure out they were just lies to lull him into a temporary state of stability, making him feel better and better just so jungkook could rip it all away from him again and again.

his whole life was torturous.

he'd been begging for help since the age of seven years old, and here he stood at nineteen, worse than ever before. not only broken by the things that haunted and possessed his own mind, but also by society around him.

everyone lived their daily lives spitting on people and ideals different than their own, always cheering for the underdog in films but then ganging up on the easy target in person because at least it wasn't them. Everyone claimed to feel awful for other's misfortune while talking filth behind their own struggling friend's backs. they gave the homeless dirty looks and stood by as crimes played out right in front of their faces, hiding behind their recording phones instead of doing anything to help, and yet they claimed they cared about others.

the world they lived in was sick and twisted.

jimin couldn't be any happier to leave it.