I Will Always Be Here

19

TW's:
-SUICIDE ATTEMPT

I stood still in the park and looked around me. Everything reminded me of Clay. The bench we always sat on, the tree we sometimes climbed in. We had been friends forever. Not only everything reminded me of Clay, but also of my sister. We came here often. She was older than me and when she was busy with school, we came here to relax a little. I loved my sister, we were like best friends. We did everything together, she knew everything about me. I wished I could go to her and tell her I'm gay. I wished she could help me.

Don't do it George, I heard a voice in my head. It sounded exactly like my sister.

I felt a tear streaming down my face as I came closer to the rails. I had to do it, my sister was dead, she couldn't talk to me.

George, I love you. It has never been your fault. I got attacked George, you did everything you could.

I bit my lip so hard that blood filled my mouth. I spit it out on the ground and walked closer to the train rails.

Clay loves you too

'NO, HE DOESN'T.'

He does, believe me. George, don't kill yourself. It's not your time yet. It's not. I'm watching over you, it's not the time to die.

'You don't love me, I made you die.'

You didn't, George.

I suddenly saw my sisters face in front of me. Oh, what was she beautiful. Her brown hair with big and brown eyes stared deep into my soul. Don't, George.

'I'm sorry, Eva. I can't live anymore. I'm too hurt. I want to be with you again. You know the times? Us together? Laughing next to the campfire? Making jokes about the stupidest things? Do you remember? Do you remember me? Eva, would you be disappointed if I told you I was gay?'

I already knew you were gay, George. And of course I remember you. You were my favourite person ever. You helped me always. Even in the hard times. You were the one to care.

I was having a whole conversation with my dead sister. I was just imagining things, I knew that. It still felt comforting talking with her.

'Do you like me when I'm gay?'

I still love you more than anyone.

'I'm so in love with Clay.'

I know, George. I know you are. He is handsome, I give you that.

'He is. But I can't forgive him.'

George, you have to. You must forgive him. He has a story to explain. You have to forgive him. He loves you.

'He doesn't, I wish he did.'

Believe me.

And suddenly her face faded, her voice faded. She was gone. She was gone forever. I knew she was gone forever, I felt it. I felt the last piece of life slipping away out of my body. I could only cry and think about the death even more. I would only take five more minutes for the train to come. I could finally live in peace, with my sister. I could laugh with her again, I wouldn't be hurt all the time by every single soul on earth. I could laugh again, I could smile again. I smiled only thinking about the death and I stepped on the rails.

I closed my eyes tightly. I didn't want to see it, I only wanted to close my eyes and feel the train hitting me. I only wanted to die now. I was so far in, I couldn't go back anymore. I wanted to die, my sister was gone. My parents were probably looking for me, but they didn't know about this place. Only my sister and Clay did. My sister was gone for forever and Clay didn't know about anything. He would never come to get me. He wouldn't. Never.

I opened my eyes when I heard some sounds and I saw the train coming closer. I held my breath, squeezed my hands and closed my eyes again. I was scared even though this was my only wish. The train came closer and closer and I knew it was about to hit me.

'NO!' I heard a voice scream then.

I startled and looked around me. Before I knew I got pushed and someone jumped in front of the train to save me. I fell on the ground next to the train and I looked up.

Clay.

745 words