Choice's Curse {d.m.}

Aftermath

The bleak mid-morning sun shone through my window as I lay in my bed, my body feeling heavy and drained of life. I couldn't find the effort to even peel open my eyes as I heard the soft ambient sounds of my roommates getting ready for their weekends. A faint throbbing headache swelled behind my eyes, offering a momentary distraction before the events of the previous night began flooding my mind, accompanied by a horrible wave of bitter regret.

The embarrassment was suffocating as I recalled the whorish way I had tried to undress not only myself, but Draco as well. I could still feel the grip of his hands in my hair, holding my face. I couldn't discern whether to race into the shower and scrub till my skin was raw and red or if I wanted to savor it until the very last traces were gone.

God, I was fucked .

It wasn't just the touching or the kissing or even the undressing that made my stomach churn with mortification. Nor was it the concrete rejection Draco had thrown at me so suddenly, though that did make my face heat with renewed shame. No, it was the way . . . I had given in to Draco. I had a chance to walk away from the confusing dance the two of us had begun to do during the past few months, and I hadn't .

Neither had he.

I hated not knowing how I felt. At least, that's what I told myself in a weak attempt to continue the lie I had been telling myself since...since the day I had slapped him in Potions. He had cornered me like a deadly snake with a mouse. As a result, hidden beneath the panic and fright, was a dim flame of attraction that had only burned brighter since.

I should've been sure of how I felt. I should've felt repulsion at the very notion of longing for Draco in such an intimate way. It had been far easier to just dismiss anything that happened between us up until this point, but now? Now, I knew I couldn't keep fooling myself.

Now I knew why I hadn't walked away last night, and I knew why he hadn't either. As much as I wished it weren't true, I knew the answer. I also knew that fate, or karma, or whoever it was that controlled my life was a twisted, sadistic bitch.

Why else would I have feelings for...

I shook my head, pain ricocheting through my skull, to clear the thought from my mind. Self-denial, apparently, was something that I couldn't shake so easily. Cho's voice cut through my trainwreck of thoughts, making me finally pry open my tired, swollen eyes.

"Rough night?"

I nodded slowly, staring at the ceiling with blank eyes. "You could say that."

Understatement of my fucking life.

Cho sat down on the side of the bed and I turned my gaze towards her. "I'm going down to Hogsmead with Hermione and Luna. Why don't you come with us? We could have some girl time. Could be a good way to take your mind off things," She offered, giving me a sympathetic smile.

I contemplated her suggestion for a moment, though really, it was only for show. There was no way I had any energy to be around people today, let alone hold a substantial conversation with anyone. Not with the way I felt. It was as if I was going to be sick every three seconds as glimpses of last night flickered through my mind like the world's most humiliating slideshow.

"I've got that essay on brooms for Flitwick's class to work on. I've not even started it," I told her, which was true, but I left out the part where all I wanted was to be left utterly alone to wallow in my self-hatred.

Disappointment flashed in Cho's warm brown eyes, but she just nodded with understanding. "Well, if you happen to change your mind..."

"I'll let you know," I said, flashing her as much of a smile as I could muster. It was nice, having her back, and I was glad that the childish fight we had hadn't ruined our friendship.