Multi Universe One-shots

Why Did You Go

A fic where Evan and Connor where friends all along. Also Evan is the one who wants to die.

TW: Mild swearing, mentions of suicide

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Connor Murphy and Evan Hansen where best friends ever since Connor threw the printer at their second grade teacher.

They were an unlikely pairing. Connor was the student who had a school shooter vibe, and Evan was the one with a horrible social life.

But they went together, they hung out all the time. They got ice cream, went to the orchard, just joked around.

They trusted each other completely. Connor was the first person Evan told that he was Bi. And Evan was the first person Connor told that he was gay. 

There was just one secret they were both keeping but the other didn't know they had this secret.

They both liked each other, like a lot. Connor loved the way Evan lit up when he was talking about trees, and Evan loved the way Connor got so invested in his art. They loved each other.

They both had severe mental health problems. 

Connor was depressed and once attempted suicide. Evan had severe anxiety and wasn't suicidal. Or at least that's what everyone thought. 

Evan wanted Connor so bad, but his mind played tricks on him, and he convinced himself that Connor would hate him, or not feel the same. And for that reason, plus many others, he wanted to die.

He thought about it a lot. He knew Connor took pills, but he didn't want to do that. He wanted it to look like an accident. So he decided to jump from a tree.

He wrote a note:

   Dear family, and friends. It truly kills me to write this. Deep down I know you guys will be hurt by this, but on the front of my mind I know you won't care. I'm a mess. I can barely get through a sentence with rumbling. I have panic attacks off the walls. It makes me feel like a burden. 

    Like mom, you work so hard for me, and push yourself too much. I don't deserve how much you work for me, and you don't deserve to work yourself that hard for me.

      Jared, you were really only hanging out with me because you wanted car insurance, and I understand that. I wouldn't want to be friends with me either. I hope I helped you out, I really do. I don't want you feeling guilty after reading, really its fine.

     Lastly Connor, this is the hardest to write. Where do I start. Well we can start here. You are my bestfriend. You really are, you've been there through it all. You were there when my dad left. You where there when I had my first panic attack. You were there when I came out as bi. You truly are a good friend. I love you, and not just as a friend. I am in love with you, and have been since freshman year. I was too scared to tell you, I'm sorry that you have to find out like this. 

   I'm sorry if you are hurt by what I'm about to do, but I need to, I hope you understand.

He put it on his bed, and left to walk to the park.   

When he got there he knew immediatly what tree to do it from. He started climbing until he got to the top. He got to the top and looked out on the world he lived in.

He got to the edge, looked down, and let go. 

He fell in a blur and when he to the bottom. Everything turned black, for good.

Heidi got a call saying her son had died. She broke and drove home immediatly. When she got home she ran to his room and cried.

She cried for what felt like hours, she just curled up in his bed and cried. The sobs just kept coming. She decided to get up to do something, anything.