Yours Truly

Chapter 21

Carina rests her forehead against the door that she just slammed in Lily's face and shuts her eyes closed tightly, feeling her body get intensely warm with frustration after the dispute she just had. She stays there for a moment, listening closely for what Lily would say or do on the other side. But after a few moments, nothing happens. The only sound that can be heard is the relentless downpour happening outside.

Carina reaches up and removes the chain off of the door, knowing that she can't just lock Lily and the other girls out. They were going to have to come back in sooner or later. There's also a tiny part in the back of Carina's mind that is subconsciously hoping for Lily to come barging through the door again. But after what Carina said to her, she highly doubts that that would happen.

Now she trudges across the floor on her way back to the bed, her eyes burning as tears blur her vision. She hates feeling this hurt. She hates feeling this upset. The only person she wants comfort from is Lily but Lily is also the person who made her feel like this. She's stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Carina knows she was being a bitch to Lily just now and she knows that she will most definitely regret it later, but right now she can't find it in herself to care. Her conscience has totally disappeared and is replaced with feelings of rage and offense.

Lily knows that one of the things she hates most in this world is getting yelled at. It makes her uncomfortable, scared, and small. She feels like she's being looked down upon and it makes her feel like shit and inferior. Yet Lily was still doing it and to make it worse, they were in public. Carina's pretty sure that everyone on the beach, including that girl who they ran into, could heard what was happening.

Carina never knew she was the possessive type until she started dating Lily. She just can't help it. Carina hates when people who she thinks are more attractive than her speaks with Lily because that's when every single insecurity she has makes its way out. She can't help if it she suddenly grabs hold of Lily's hand or glares threateningly at the other person. She seriously doesn't mean to do it most of the time.

It all fucking comes down to insecurities. Always.

She doesn't have the most confidence in herself, not like Amanda, Naomi, Desi, or Lily. But she isn't unconfident either. Lily and the girls have all played an incredible role in helping her feel better about herself and she can't thank them enough. She's like a completely different person ever since she met Lily, Desi, and Naomi this year. She's always loved herself and she's proud of the person she is, but, like any teenage girl, she gets insecure around other teenage girls. Especially ones who look like they just waltzed on out of a damn magazine.

The girl they encountered on the beach was drop-dead gorgeous. She was so pretty that it was intimidating and that automatically turned the insecure switch on inside of Carina. She wasn't even aware that she was giving her the death stare until Lily called her out on it shortly after. But now that she knows, she's sorry she did it. She's usually not like that. Anything that has to deal with Lily just makes her do some crazy things.

"Fuck," Carina mutters to herself, pounding her fist down on top of the pillow her face was on. Why did this have to happen right here, right now? It was the first day of their weekend getaway and of course it has to end with them fighting.

Lightning flashes with a loud clap of thunder following a couple of seconds later. Carina immediately jams her headphones back into her ears and turns the volume up to drown out the god awful sound. Tears come down from her eyes and she grits her teeth as she trembles in fear. And of course it has to fucking storm too. What a great way to top off a horrible night.

Carina tucks her legs up to her chest and throws the blanket over her head, trying to block out the roaring wind and booming sounds. She told Lily she didn't need her because she doesn't. She doesn't need anyone, but that doesn't mean that she doesn't want Lily. In fact, she wants her more than anything else in the world.