Shadows of Ash and Gold

Chapter twenty eight

I used to complain about not feeling enough and now ... now I felt everything and I wasn't sure I liked it. A part of me wishes I was numb again. I breathe in the cold night air as I stand on the large balcony of some sort of music room. I couldn't sleep. I hadn't been able to sleep for the two nights I'd been here.

I wished I could just put away my thoughts, block them away when I don't want them. I wanted to feel the bliss of nothingness. The nothingness was peaceful. The nothingness was calm. In the nothingness Nisha didn't exist.

I sunk on to the cold stone of the balcony and then drifted to lie on my back. The stars were beautiful here. Magical even. I could see almost every constellation. The moon watched over me, peering down at me with all its greatness and brightness.

My eyes drifted closed, not because I was tired but because I couldn't handle looking into the eyes of the moon any longer.

Was Nisha up there somewhere? In some cultures people believed that once you die you become a star; you look down over your loved ones and protect them like shining armor.

Or was Nisha in heaven?

I will never know.

At that moment I felt someone near me. Standing over me. I had not heard any footsteps but that didn't frighten me. Because I already knew who it was. I could somehow always sense when it was him near me. I could feel the heat from him, coming off him and spreading over me like a cozy blanket.

Wind ruffled my hair and the scent of cinnamon spice drifted through the air. He didn't say anything as he sat down next to where I lied.

I kept my eyes closed as I muttered to him in the night air, "tell me a story."

Almost every night for a week I had fallen asleep to Raiden telling me stories. He was good at that for absolutely no reason. He could make me fall asleep leaning on every word that fell from his mouth, it was a strange thing to be able to do but every time he opened his mouth I was out like a light.

I felt his fingers drift through my hair. I did not freeze. I did not have any reaction. I simply let him. It was not a sexual act, more of a comforting gesture. For him or for me? I was not sure of that, all I knew was I let him do it and I didn't mind it one bit. But I tried very hard to ignore the goosebumps that traveled down my arms.

A story drifted from his lips with ease. A story about a boy who grew to be a villain. I had never heard this story from him before. He usually told me of Chaska.

This boy was different though. This boy was weak. Powerless. He was rejected by his family and his people. They did not accept him for who he was. They thought him dirty. So this boy did everything he could to please them. So that maybe one day they would appreciate him. Maybe one day they would love him.

He had hope because one person already did love him, unconditionally. His mother. His mother was the most important anyway so none of the rest mattered. As long as he had her he would be fine.

He spent most of his life working his way to the top. This boy had hopes and dreams. He wanted to be the best magic wielder in the village. And even though everyone looked down on him he only felt hope and joy, he was certain they would love him someday.

Until one day when he was thirteen his mother was killed.

And this burning rage took over the boy and long washed away his hope and joy. He no longer cared what people thought of him as long as they looked at him and felt one thing; fear.

He made them fear him and he enjoyed every second of it.

He burned cities to the ground and he felt nothing but satisfaction. He did not care about anyone but himself. And he vowed to himself that one day he would get revenge on his mothers killers and his wrath would be worse than the burning of a city. He would bring them the living hell. He would be the devil and he would make them suffer for their sins.