Shadows of Ash and Gold

Chapter ten

I've been staring at my phone for the last thirty minutes avoiding the conversation I was bound to have. I think a part of me wished if I didn't address the subject that it wouldn't be true, that it would go away. I sat in my dorm, alone and numb. I thought the moment I was alone I would break down crying but I was wrong, I felt hardly anything. It was like I felt so much at one point and now I just didn't feel enough.

I pressed the call button with my heart hammering in my chest. I wasn't ready for her to answer. I wasn't ready for mom to tell me the truth.

"Hey, honey!" She answered in her usual carefree tone.

"Hey..." I definitely felt like I was going to throw up. Was it hot in here?

"What's wrong?" She asked right away, sensing the tone in my voice. She was always so good at reading me if even through the phone.

I don't mean to but as soon as I hear that question I let out a sob, everything in me finally breaking from just hearing mom's voice.

"Was it a boy? Did someone hurt you?"

I cry harder at her choice of words. You, I wanted to scream. You hurt me! How could she lie to me my entire life? Was everything a lie? Did she even think of me as her own child? Did she know what I was?

"No ... a boy didn't hurt me," I managed to say as I got my breathing under control. "I just ... I need to ask you something."

"Anything, sweetheart."

"Am I ... am I adopted?" My voice cracked at the end making me feel weaker than I already did.

I was greeted with silence and I swear I felt my heart shatter in my chest. It's true. Oh my god! It's really true! I am what they say I am!
She let out a weary fake laugh. "W-where did you hear that?"

"Please," I begged her. "Please just answer the question."

"Avaryn-"

"Mom. Answer the question."

"... Yes," her voice broke and I heard her breathing heavy for several seconds before she let out a sob of her own. "But I can explain everything honey, I-"

I hung up on her and debated throwing my phone across the room. Screaming also felt like a good idea. This is the most emotion I've ever felt in my life. I didn't know if I wanted to curl in a ball and cry until there was nothing left or if I wanted to scream and throw a tantrum.

I felt so ... broken. And i didnt like it. I didn't like feeling like I wasn't in control of myself.
I hated not knowing, I hated that I didn't even know the full story of my life.

I needed out. I was suffocating in this room. I walked out and wondered until I was outside near the fountain. I sunk down into the cool grass in front of the angelic fountain. The crisp air around me helped me think more clearly, the smell of pine and wind made me think of breathing calmly in and out.

"I meant it when I said this was my spot."

I whirled around and saw Bash carelessly leaning against the stones of crestwood. "I hate when you do that."

In less than a second he was in front of me, appearing out of thin air, a grin on his face when I flinched back. "Do what?"

"Did you know you're kind of an asshole sometimes?"

He sat down next to me. "So I've been told." he cleared his throat. "What's on your mind halfie?"

I gave him a side glare to which he smiled. His black hair was extra messy tonight and his green eyes were shimmering. Bash confused me so much. He was always so serious, and calm but then there are times like this when he's smiley and funny.