Blocked Away | A TMF Fan-Fiction

Chapter Seventeen

Zander's P.O.V.

"It's because I'm in love with you, Zander!"

Immediately, all anger left Zander. In one swift movement, it was sucked out of him, and replaced with shock. He was stunned. That was until emotions came flooding through. The brick wall before with water trickling in through the other side now had waves crashing through. It was like water was crashing forward, suffocating Zander, and he couldn't see clear or breath. If he thought he felt overwhelmed before at the cafe, well, this was a whole new level.

"Zander?" Luke's voice called out, softly. Zander hadn't realized until he just heard Luke's voice, that had been staring at the ground. He didn't look up.

Zander quietly said, "You're in love with me..." Zander realized after saying it, that it almost sounded like he was asking a question, looking for confirmation, or double checking. But he wasn't. It was more that he was still in shock, and he thought saying it out loud may help him process this. It didn't.

This felt too real. This all felt too real. It was like there was this nagging in his brain, taunting him. There were millions of thoughts, buzzing and swarming through his head, but he couldn't even focus on one. If only he could reach out, and just grab one...

Zander had been so overpowered by his own brain that he stammered backwards, ran his hands through his own hair, holding his head, as if that would help him think. It didn't.

"Zander?" Luke asked again, except there was more concern in his voice this time.

Zander didn't dare look up at Luke. That would be far too painful. Why is this so painful? He could feel a tearing in his own chest, until it was interrupted.

"Zander!" Luke called out. He wasn't yelling, but he raised his volume.

Zander felt guilt pound through him, and he reluctantly looked up. He struggled to make eye contact with Luke. He couldn't make eye contact with Luke. Zander realized he had to say something.

"I-I..." he didn't know what to say. "I've never thought about it," he spat out, "I've never thought about you...it never occurred to me."

"What does that mean, Zander?" Luke asked, with his voice strained.

"I-I..." Zander was stammering again. On top of everything else he was feeling, a loud piercing tinny sound entered Zander's ears.

He didn't know how to feel. He didn't know what to say. He couldn't even focus on one small singular thought in his head. Everything was just crashing. The volume of everything was escalating. He had to say something.

"No."

He wasn't even directly saying no to Luke. He was saying no to everything, to everyone. He wished this wasn't happening...

Luke softly and quietly exclaimed, "Oh."

Zander wasn't sure how long they stood silent after that. It felt like it could have been thirty seconds or five minutes. Zander realized sometime when he was trying to decide what to say, he had started staring at the ground again. So he looked up at Luke. He truly looked at him for the first time. His cheeks had become flushed, and his eyes slightly red and watery. And it was barely visible, but you could see a small line of tears that softly streaked down each of his cheeks. Zander immediately felt quilt churn within him.

"No! Luke, don't cry. I-"

"I should go home," Luke interrupted, clearly holding back more emotion than he was letting on.

"But Luke-"

This time Zander wasn't interrupted by words, but rather by Luke running away. Zander reached out his arm, "Luke!" He almost started running after him. But what would he even be going to say? And running after him would mean he cared. But he did... But not like that. Right? Zander felt himself being filled with inner turmoil. The crashing waves were coming back, and so was the tinny noise. He could feel himself tearing up, and ran back home.