Chapter 17: Gone

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We weaved through the quantum realm and before I could even notice, we were back at Avengers Headquarters on the platform. My helmet flips over, and I see all six stones scattered throughout the group.

"Did we get them all?" Bruce says.

"You telling me this'll actually work?" Rhodey says, holding the power stone. I look around, trying to find Nat, wanting to say that she was right, we did it, when I don't see her.

"Clint where's Nat?" I ask, and I see his face. Guilt. Sadness. He doesn't say anything, and I can see everyone's faces around me drop. "Clint, where's Nat?" I ask, more stern this time.

"Y/n," Clint says, obviously trying to think of the best way to say whatever happened. "Nat... Nat's gone."

"What do you mean she's gone?" I say, walking towards him. "She's not gone. That wasn't the point of this."

"Y/n," Clint says, backing up slightly, but I interrupt him.

"The point of all of this was to save everyone else, not lose anyone else," I say. I grab him by the collar, making him look me in the eyes. "Tell me Nat isn't gone."

He took a second and said, "I-I can't." My vision blurred from the tears filling my eyes. She's gone. I can never say goodbye. "If it means anything she told me to tell you she loves you."

That's where I lost it. I started pounding him in the chest with my fists. "I don't care if she loves me. I don't even care if she hates me, she's supposed to be here." I feel arms gripping my waist, pulling me away from Clint, who was also crying.

I broke down in tears, not even having the energy to stand. I hear the person holding me shushing me, trying to calm me down. I could tell by his arms and the way the person held me was Steve. But he wasn't calming me down at all.

I couldn't take this anymore, everything was closing in on me. I feel like I just got crushed with the weight of the Earth. She was it. My last blood related family. She was the first person I trusted coming into this new life, and now she's gone.

I got out of Steve's arms and ran into my room, changing out of this stupid dress. I put on some legging and a workout bra, and made my way to the gym. That was her way of coping, maybe it will help me.

I went to the punching bag first, not even bothering to wrap my hands first. Punch, punch, punch. My breathing increased, my heart rate accelerated, my punches became harder and faster.

I was angry. She knew how important it was for me not to lose anyone else. After Thanos five years ago, was the hardest time of my life. Dealing with the guilt of knowing I could have done something. I should have gone with Natasha. I should have been the one that died. It would make life a lot easier.

I didn't even notice the new tears streaming down my face, and the blood dripping from my hands, and I kept punching the punching bag, harder and harder. So hard the bag flew off the chain, and ripped open. The bag flew across the room, sand spilling everywhere.

"Y/n," I hear someone say. I turn around to find Steve, eyes red and tear stains on his face. "Are you okay?"

I laugh coldly. "Am I okay? That is the stupidest question you could ask. My sister just died. And you... You promised no one would die."

"She did that to get everyone back," he says, and I know he was hurt, but I need to yell at someone.

"But no one should have to die. What happened to no trading lives? Well we traded the most important person in my life right now!" I yelled at him, which made more tears flow down my face.

"She's gone! We can't do anything about it!" he yells back. I never heard him yell before, especially at me. He softened his voice, obviously didn't mean to yell, "she did this for everyone, for you. So you could be happy again."

"I need her," I say, cooling myself. "If I needed her, she was there, and now she won't be." I get to the closet wall, sitting down letting the tears keep coming. I now feel the pain of everything. My cut open, bloody knuckles, the heart ache, my sore arms.

Steve sits down next to me, taking a deep breath. "You know I didn't mean to lie to you," he says.

"You didn't know it was going to happen," I say, resting my head on his shoulder, staring at my fists. "No one did."

"She wouldn't have done it if she thought this whole thing wasn't going to work," he says. "When you were gone she was always worried about you. I had to drag her out of the quinjet to give you space when she finally found your location."

I smile lightly, wishing I could have seen that. "I wish you didn't stop her," I say, imagining more years worth of memories we could have had. But I know I was still grieving then, and I would have pushed her away even more.

"We are ready to snap, are you going to come? We'll need you to suit up if you are," he asks.

"Give me a second?" I ask, and he nods, exciting the room. I took a deep breath, stopped by my room to change into my suit and some medical wraps, and went to Natasha's room. I started wrapping my wrists, scanning her room.

Her room was simple. Grey sheets, grey walls, white dresser, and white pillows. I open her closet, finding rows of suits and other outfits. I opened her work closet, finding guns, bullets, electric chips, and her electric staffs. I sigh, running my hand over her staff. I would use them, but no one could ever use them as well as Natasha. I'll stick with the swords.

Time to get everyone back. Not for me, but for Natasha. Making sure she didn't die for nothing.

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