Dalliance ➵ poems

two years

For two years I bled
Straight out of my heart and head
Gliding blood from my pen
Onto pages and pages of dread
Filling your searing absence with words
Jumping out of my chest
Hoping I can write enough poems
To form even just your silhouette 
For two years I cut out
Every word you said to me
And plastered them onto a book
Addressed the pain I've left unsaid
Holding onto a piece of thread
That you'll see them and comprehend
Because there they'll safely linger
Unlike your momentary ghost
Which made me a sinner
When I was done I figured
The girl who fell for you was dead
Replaced by a girl who fell for you
And realized she's been misled
Now a girl marked by your knife
Still walking with your scars
Took me two years to get out of your quicksand
And learn to walk again
Realize the island was a mirage
In the middle of the angry sea
And the heat from your star was an illusion
That is light years away from me
Nonetheless, despite my hand letting go
You remain to be the muse in all these pages
The topic of my anguish
The kid who vandalized my wrecked walls
You were the heatwave in my winter
And the blizzard in February
The stranger I want to thank
The fire which burnt my wings
I'll say it again
This is the last time I'll let my scars bleed for you
But I'll betray my lips one more time
When they come running back to you
Yearning for all the colors of your spectrum
Albeit the burning reds
And the coldest blues
Two years I've learned
I'm not done with all your hues
I've opened up another empty page in my book
And there are more poems to write
And more words to exhaust
You'll stay as a permanent scruff in my mind
And an everlasting dent in my heart
New wounds will form
But the ones you made will echo from their grave
And drag me to the time of their conception
Two years and I hope
I write with ink instead of blood
For you don't deserve my blood
I already gave it to you once
And you threw it away nonchalant.