Dalliance ➵ poems

february

We met in November;
Said our hi's in the autumn;
Still in doubt from the summers;
I've spent in deep slumber;
Told you a lie to keep my distance;
Waited for you to give up but you didn't;
Told myself I should give this a shot.

You were a glitch in December;
Appear all of a sudden;
Vanish before I could catch you;
Around that time;
Was when the butterflies grew life;
It was winter outside;
But inside me sprung hope;
Even though you killed it;
Before it could rise;
I knew it was wrong;
There was no reason to ponder;
We were dead ends;
Both hurt from the get go;
You opened up your doors;
And so did I;
A foundation was built;
Over the soggy earth soil.

January you were gone;
I said I didn't care;
Even though I couldn't bear;
The emptiness in my chest;
When I wake up with a tear;
My heart yearning for your presence;
Yet only greeted by absence;
Maybe I loved you;
Although I was never supposed to;
I broke the fixed rule because I was a fool.

February was when it hit the most;
I lied to myself again and again;
Fought the urges to break from the pain;
Every step my feet made hurt;
Wandering where you are;
You were still gone;
Back then I thought I had you in my fingers;
But now you slipped;
And I don’t know where to reach to get you;
Layed on my bed at night talking to the ceiling;
Pretending it’s your name.

Do you think about me the way I do with you?
Does my voice play in your head in a crowded room?
These questions only you can answer;
But you weren’t there to hear them;
Part of me knows it doesn’t;
Tears gathered from my eyes when it shouldn’t;
Days and nights passed I remained;
Exhaustion slowly creeping up my veins;
You didn’t return.

Then came the day I feared;
Winter came in with a blizzard;
Thick clouds suffocating the sun;
My stomach churned from the cold;
You cut off the rope and let me fall;
Landing face first on the snow;
The gentleness on your skin was a facade;
For you never really cared;
And inside was a storm.

Had no choice but give up;
I’ve seen this coming;
From the start to the ending;
You’d talk summer then leave winter;
I’d face fall alone and watch through spring;
When your storm ended;
Thorns were left all over;
I couldn’t walk without stepping on another;
Blood dripping from my feet like a shower;
If I was strong enough to let my roots wither for you;
I would be strong enough to grow them back.