It's a feeling

~ he has a nice dick ~

Dove Cameron ~ We Belong

"Bang, bang,

think I'm allergic,

To every other person,

You're the one now I'm certain,"

"Are you alright?" I glance up from my paperwork for a moment as Jethro walked in the garage. I nod my head towards the record player and he looks at it for a moment deciding to just pull the plug cutting off Paul Anka as he begged to be held in ones arms.

I shut the folder in front of me and leaned back in my chair letting out a breath. "It's hiraeth." I stated, twiddling my pen. He grunts looking at me as if to say 'the fuck does that mean'. I sigh, "A homesickness for a home you can't return to or that never was." Jethro, realizing this was going to be a longer talk, grabs a work bench and sits it in front of my desk.

"So which is it? You can't return to it or it never was?"

I bite my bottom lip lightly, dropping my pen onto the table, "I- Whenever I think about my childhood, I can't remember much. It's like it's all-" I cut myself off trying to think of the right word, my hands trying to explain what the words couldn't, "Everything's all shoved together in this ball and the longer I try to think about anything the more I forget and- Now it won't stop coming. I can't sleep because I can't stop remembering everything and I don't-" A tear fell down my cheek and I brushed it off as quickly as it fell.

"How bad was-"

"You know my dad beat me and my mom she never, why would she let that happen? Like I mean she was so fucked up with her drugs but I- she was my mom. And when Teddy died I- it won't stop Leroy. It keeps–I want it to stop. I don't want to remember anymore."

"Your fathers dead?"

"No bad people have good luck. It's unfair. That's why I worked my way up on the government. I got away from him. I found my real father. But it was to let you know. I was already damaged. Made into the one person I never wanted to be. But the more I profile the situation I realize that I wanted him. That's why I'm here. I'm trying to prove to myself that it's not me that's the problem that it was him and that I could be a good daughter." I glance up at Jethro with glistening eyes, "Cause I could be a good daughter you know, I really think I could, I just never got the chance."

I smile slightly, "Teddy told me to leave. She was so worried about me, she said she didn't want me to turn into her. I thought she was awesome so I never really understood her till I was older. She told me she would teach me everything I would need to know, makeup, boys, surviving dad when I was old enough but she never got the chance. How fucked is that? Now I can't stop remembering. It just- it won't stop. It's like I can feel him on me and I can hear her screaming but I can't lock down on one memory. I just want to forget."

My phone rang before he could say anything and I felt myself build back up my walls, "Tavia." I muttered dryly, standing up from my seat.

'He's in the states. Keep your eyes peeled.'

I glance back at Jethro and sigh, "I have a lead, I'll call you back tomorrow.

*

"We fucked." My words were blunt and to the point and I swear to god I heard Roni snigger slightly.

'What a fantastic way to start a call. What if my boss answered.'

"It's a good thing you're your own boss I guess."

'Well was it any good?'

I sigh, smiling at Jethro who was watching me with amusement, "In his words, it was fantastic."