It's a feeling

~ what about ~

Journey ~ Lights

" So you think you're lonely,

Well my friend I'm lonely too,

I want to get back to my city by the bay,"

Old country music played through Jethro's truck. I had my head leaned against his shoulder as he kept his eyes on the road. Smart man.

"Are you ever gonna to talk to him?" He asks. Glancing down, not so smart anymore. I shrug. I knew who he was talking about but I didn't want to acknowledge it.

Grumbling something incoherent, he places an arm around my shoulder, "You can't keep it a secret forever." He states.

"My mom did."

"And look where that got you."

I stay silent not bothering to respond. He didn't understand. I didn't expect him to. Half my life was built on lies and the other half was built upon telling them. The only person I couldn't seem to lie to was sitting right next to me. I wasn't quite sure how I felt about that.

"Look Belle you just seem like the kind of person who had gotten hurt a lot. Don't you think you deserve-"

"Jethro I'm a trained killer-"

"I don't give a damn, I've worked with one before."

"I'm aware, David and I are friends."

Pulling up outside of his house, Jethro turns to his side to look at me better, "Belle you deserve it okay,  you-"

"Leroy." My voice was stern. "He does not deserve to have a person like me in his life. I almost killed you tonight without a second thought. That's what I am. That's all I am. No one deserves that." I had never used Jethro's first name before but I felt like he needed to know I was serious about this.

"You don't deserve it."

I force a smile onto my lips in a lame attempt to convince him I had believed his words for I had not. I did deserve it, if not when I was trained I did now. I had hurt so many people, killed so many. Lost so many.

"We should head in, the children are spying on us." I joke, trying to lighten the otherwise dull mood.

He cracks a smile, "Well lets go bust them."

And we did, Jethro's team had sat around his living room playing innocent. I raise an eyebrow at them, "I really hope this isn't what you think being not suspicious looks like." I drawl out, bemused.

Anthony warily glances and Timothy, "Why?" He questions.

Jethro walks in the house behind me, "Because you failed." He cringes slightly from the strain on his ribs and I stare forward an unfamiliar feeling of regret banging against my heart.

Eleanor's n her feet quick, "Gibbs! What happened?" She asks, pulling him to the couch she was laying on.

He glances up at me momentarily, "You all sent me on a witch hunt." He grunts.

"Speaking of that, how did you get hot coco over there to come?" Anthony asks.

"Guilt tripped her."

Anthony laughs lightly, "She can feel?"

I snort, "Ha you're so funny,"

*

Walking into the Directors office without knocking, I shut it gently behind me.

"I believe you learned that from Agent Gibbs." Director Vance comments mumbling 'I have to go' into his phone, hanging it up. I stay silent, leaning against the door I had previously shut behind me. Problem with authority had always been a problem, stemmed from my daddy issues, though I had about 700 different problems with Leon Vance so I don't know why he was being so friendly.

"You wanted to talk to me? Talk."

"I am."

I scoff slightly, pulling out my phone. If he wanted to play this game then by all means, play. I didn't have the time for it, "I was talking to Ms. Sciuto this morning..." he trails off, making eye contact with me.

I keep my face emotionless, not wanting him to know what I feel, "What about?"

He shakes his head looking down at his desk, "Well as you know Gibbs isn't the only team in this building." I nod. "We have an investigation going on for the POTUS. Some DNA was left at the scene. DNA that was a 57% match to my own."

I raise an eyebrow up in mock interest, "Oh really." Fuck.

"So as the Director it was going to be a big scandal to have me involved in the crime, we had to clear my name, which we did. But it didn't make any sense as to why my DNA was at the crime scene. I asked Ms. Sciuto if she knew the reason and of course Abigale can not lie. She told me a very interesting thing."

"Get to it Director."

He shakes his head in disbelief, leaning back in his chair, "You knew." It wasn't a question. That meant he knew.

The office door attempts so open so I remove my weight by getting out of the way. Jethro enters the room glancing at my face then the Directors, "Vance?"

Leon looks up at Jethro and back at me, "You knew to."

Jethro looks at me with a slightly shocked face, "He knows?"

I laugh humorlessly, "I have a feeling a lot of people know." And it was true. I had not committed a crime. That meant that they knew I was here and knew why I was here.

Vance glances up at me confused, "No one else knows but me, you two, and Ms. Sciuto." he claims.

I shake my head, "Jethro can you shut the door." I don't wait for his answer and instead walk around the Directors desk, clicking the button on the side that sealed the room. Pulling my phone from my back pocket I slam it onto the desk, breaking it in half. Noting the lack of bugs in it I take the directors phone from his suit pocket and do the same. Grunting in annoyance I glance up at Jethro. He doesn't miss a beat and pulls out his phone, chucking it at me.

I slam it against the desk and glance away when I see it, "Fuck." Licking my lips, I slam my fist onto the phone and bug not even flinching when most of the pieces dig into my skin.

Vance grabs my hand without hesitation and I flinch slightly from holding myself back. I almost snapped his wrist due to reflex.

"What's going on?" the director asked.

I ignore the worried look on his face I glance at Jethro, "Get your team in here, everyone, even bean pole down stairs." He nods and exits the room without asking any questions. He had never seen me like this, emotionless, and I knew it worried him.

I had bigger things to worry about though. Much bigger things.