What in Carnation?

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I looked around the room I was in. Though I was a prisoner to these four walls, they were marvelous to be entrapped in. I had a large bed, one made for a queen. It was my favorite color, blush pink with grey accents making the shapes of roses, It was covered in pillows, lots of body pillows. I had beautiful artwork, some from home, Kare painted them for me. I had a computer, with little internet access so I could watch movies and video call my family and friends. I had a kitchen and bathroom; it was my own home. All alone.

I craved the affection from another human so much. I yearned for a hug. I ignored the thoughts of loneliness quickly. I could not afford to fall to mush about things outside of my control. I wanted to scream. I wanted to shower until this evil witch was out of my body. She was hiding inside me they said.

*

"She's gathering her strength, feeding off of the soul of your sister." He said pointing to me.

"Cali." I said. "My name is Cali."

"No offense, girl. But, you're possessed right now. I don't believe you're you until that thing is disconnected from you." I sighed in frustration at his words, though he was right. I was not going to ever be Cali again, until Lucina was no longer a part of me.

~

I knew she was in there, even though she was hiding. I could feel her. Lying in the unconscious parts of my brain. Going through my thoughts, evading my mind, knowing my secrets. It was why I had to be locked away. Never being with family, always missing events. It was not always like this. Kara tried, she really tried at first. Making me wear certain jewelry with protective metals and herbs to keep Lucina's spirit at bay, but she was too strong for their little concoctions and plans. They worked as long as she allowed them to. And when she was bored, she took over and she ruined everything.

~

"I just want a good day to honor her. She's been gone an entire year." I looked at Kara as her eyes filled with unshed tears. I reached my left arm around her and brought her body close to mine as she shook with pain of the loss of her mother. Rave. I remembered always being jealous of her because Kare would call her "the big sister" she always wanted, as if she didn't want me. But, seeing Kare so broken over the loss of her makes even I remember the great moments we all shared as a family. Though she was not always a mother to her, she was always there.

I remembered feeling a cloak-like darkness drape over me. It was as if someone took all of the colors out of the world and left me in a black and white void of nothingness. I turned to Kara as she cried on my shoulder and leaned into her ear.

"Killing Rave was the best thing Lucina ever did." Her body froze as the words entered her ears and she sat upright.

"What?" she asked breathlessly. She looked at me as if I were the one who killed her.

I went to tell her it wasn't me. I wasn't saying these things.

"I never liked her anyway. She gave you up. How can you grieve such a monster?" if looks could kill I would not be able to tell this story. All the hate, sadness, rage, anger, she felt for Lucina, she now felt for me.

"Fuck you Cali."

"No!" I went to grab her wrist. I felt the darkness roll off of me like a speck of dust. I looked around. "No that wasn't me."

"Yeah right." She said shaking her head. "They were right about you." She said walking off. I knew she didn't believe me when I said I didn't say those things. She just thought I was trying to deny accountability or lie. She got angrier with me every time.

My nephew's birthday party was the last straw for her. It was the last straw for a lot of people. I already felt unwelcomed because Blake, Kara's best friend and the Godfather to my nephew, refused to be in the presence of me, even though we had never met. I know he had been different ever since the loss of his mate but the indirect hate he shares for me is ridiculous.

I remember walking in and seeing the beautiful arrangements. Everything so angelic, the baby boy was beautiful He was dressed in a burgundy suit. His head full of tight coils, his brown skin sporting a deep dimple. He was in Kare's arms. Smiling. I always remember this memory with his smile first and last, forever inscribed in my heart. He looks so much like Kara, yet so much like Roman.

I also remembered watching everything ablaze at my hand. I watched Roman and Kara fighting to save my nephew from the fire as everything went to hell around us. The pack grabbing me like an angry mob and marching me to this castle, furthest away from everyone on the pack. I remember begging them to believe it wasn't me . Not to hate me...but I understand why they do.

I sat down on the floor and looked up the enchanted ceiling that always matched the sky above and I wept. I wept for all the time and all of my life that I had already been locked in this room. Never moving,

"It's three years today." I whispered to myself. "Maybe tomorrow will be the day." I muttered to myself before falling into unconsciousness.

~~

"Don't go too far!" Mother yelled from the doorstep. We giggled running away from her. Once we were out her sight we turned and faced each other.

"Do it!" Rave said looking up at me. Her hair was braided into two braids that fell beneath her shoulders. She had just lost her front tooth so her grin was extra child like and adorable. I smiled at her and looked around.

"You see the flowers?" I asked. She nodded eagerly. "Pick your favorite one." She walked toward the Carnations and I smiled. She picked one gently and brought it to me.

"Do it! Come on." She urged.

I laughed. "Okay little one, be patient." I closed my eyed and focused for a second. "Wow!" she gasped. I looked around to see the earth around us. We were encircled with flower petals of the carnations swirling around us in a musical drum. They danced around us, making me circle around to make sure I took in every inch. I caught my gaze on Rave. She was staring at the flowers with her hand out, trying to pick a flower. She was so focused.

"It's so pretty." She said seriously. She looked me in my eyes. "You're the best sister, Lucina."

I smiled.

~

I gasped awake. I clutched my chest as I sat upright. I was on the bed now. I looked around in confusion. My room was clean...immaculate to be exact. I stood upright and went into my bathroom. I turned to look in the mirror and gasped at my reflection. My hair, that I kept untamed and free was now perfectly straightened and falling beneath my shoulders, and instead of it's usual brown, it was now jet black. I looked around the entire apartment for hair dye.

I never found any.

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