summary: poe dameron is a good boyfriend - and a surprisingly good therapist too
warnings: language, mentions of depression
Sometimes a bad day could turn into a multiple bad days. Then those bad days could turn into weeks and those weeks could turn into-
- Okay, you probably get the point.
You were having a rough time of it. Nothing in particular was wrong but that might have been the worst part. The inability to pinpoint your problem translated to an inability to solve the problem. You could have gone through every aspect of your life with a fine tooth comb and still not have found anything.
It was a lack of motivation. A lack of enthusiasm. A lack of smiling. A lack of...feeling. Of everything. You couldn't explain it if you tried and that was posing to be a serious problem every time your boyfriend poked your cheek and demanded an explanation for the fact you'd been walking around with a face like a smacked arse all week.
'I'm fine, Poe.' You muttered, swatting away his hand.
'Finn tripped over earlier and you didn't laugh.' The pilot spun your desk chair around to face him, hands gripping your shoulders. 'I could have dealt with you not asking how his trip was but I draw the line at you not laughing.'
'My mind is just elsewhere.' You shrugged, trying to brush off your sudden pessimism. 'It's not a big deal.'
Poe let out a sigh, expression softening for a minute. 'I haven't seen that gorgeous smile of yours in weeks.'
'Poe.' You sighed. You gently ran your hand through his hair, almost smiling when he nuzzled into your touch. 'It's hard to explain.'
'I'm a pretty smart guy.' He stood up, intertwining your fingers and pulling you up with him. He lead you away from the desk chair and to your bed on the other side of the room. He fell back onto the mattress, pulling you with him.
'I know you are.' You leant back against the headboard, head dropping into his shoulder.
'So talk to me.'
'That's the thing.' You murmured. 'I don't know how to explain it. It's like I'm not feeling anything at all. It's just sort of...numb.'
'So you're in limbo land?' He replied, fingers gently carding through your hair.
'Limbo land?'
'Like...you're feeling apathetic.' Poe continued. 'It's the absence of emotions - you're not sad but you're not happy either.'
You shuffled round, propping your head up on your hand as you tuned to face him. 'That's exactly it. It's like somebody unplugged the part of my brain that makes me feel things. Good and bad things.'
'I get that.' He nodded. 'How did it start?'
'Tiredness, I guess.' You replied. 'I lost motivation to finish my work and it was a death spiral from there.'
'It's emotional exhaustion.' He explained. 'You know when Beebs fries a chip and the poor guy suddenly becomes motionless? It's like that.'
'But then you reboot him and he's fine.'
'The human brain is a little more complicated than that, sweetheart.' He softly chuckled. 'You can't just turn it on then off again but you can look after yourself.'
'Leia has been banging on at me to take the week off.' You murmured. 'Apparently she noticed I've been a little off as well.'
'How long has it been going on for?'
'A week? Maybe two?'
Poe sighed, pulling you into his chest. He held you there for a moment, arms wound tightly around your waist as he held a hand on the back of your head. That certainly made you feel something - it was a little fuzzy feeling in the bottom of your chest. His body was warm against yours and you could smell the subtle scent of his aftershave. There were certainly worst places in the galaxy to be.
'You have to tell me these things, baby.' He murmured into your hair.
'You've got your own shit to deal with.' You replied, grip on him tightening.
'I am your partner - what's yours is mine.' He reminded you. 'I usually use that one when I want to steal your fries but it applies to your problems as well.'
The fact that Poe had managed to take your jumbled feelings and rearrange them into something that made sense felt like a weight off of your shoulders. It didn't solve the problem, not by a long shot, but the fact he understood had made you feel a lot less isolated from the world.
'I feel like a robot.' You muttered. 'Emotion is the only thing that separates us from droids, right? I might as well be Threepio.'
'Oh, you're not that annoying.'
'Right. That's comforting.'
He suddenly sat up, rolling off the bed and sticking his hand out to you. 'C'mon.'
'Where are we going?' You frowned.
'I know where they keep the ice cream in the mess hall.' He wiggled his fingers, prompting you to grab his hand. 'Ice cream isn't the cure for what you're feeling but it sure does soften the edges of the void a little.'
Poe yanked at your hand, tugging you off the bed. Before he could make his way to the kitchen, you flung your arms around your torso and buried your head in his chest again. He staggered backwards slightly with the brute force of your body hitting his, but he quickly found his balance and returned the gesture.
'I love you.' You peered up at him, chin pressed to his chest.
'I love you too.' He smiled. 'And hey! Love is a feeling. That's proof you're not a droid.'
