Heaven In Hiding

One Week

One week into her stay in Cuba, Camila was extremely grateful that she decided to get her own place away from her parents. They were already driving her to the brink of insanity with their relentless judgment and cold words. She had long since grown immune to their cruel words but that never stopped them from trying to destroy her spirit. If it weren't for her sister and abuela, she would've left the same day that she arrived. 

She already regretted not getting an international plan for her cellphone by the third day in her home country. Not even being able to text or call Shawn was killing her. She still found herself opening their conversation and reading through previous messages sent between them anyway. Sofi caught her one day and just snorted and shook her head.

"Still trying to convince yourself you're not in love with him?"

"Shut up," the older sister groaned. "It's not gonna happen. We've been over this, Sof."

"Are you sure about that?" she challenged. "Let's look at the facts. He brings you hot chocolate randomly - that he makes himself, might I add. When he heard you were sick he brought you tea and chicken noodle soup. You guys cuddle, he drove you to the airport, he built you a fancy ass easel and you spend the holidays with his family. You really think there's absolutely no chance that he has feelings for you?" Suddenly Camila regretted giving her little sister so many details about her relationship with Shawn earlier in their trip. When she didn't verbally respond to Sofi's rant, the younger girl decided to continue. "Honestly Camila, and I mean this in the nicest way possible, but you need to pull your head out of your ass. The man is in love with you. You're in love with him. You're both just too scared and dumb to admit it. I bet if you told him how you really feel about him he'd be absolutely thrilled."

"I'll think about it," Camila replied quietly after a few moments of silence. 

And she did think about it; she thought about it more than she'd like to admit. Throughout the month Camila found herself wondering what he was up to. She could practically picture him sitting at his desk; his chin resting in his palm as he stared at his computer screen, his other hand tapping a pen against the wood of his desk to the tune of whatever song was stuck in his head that day - most likely something by John Mayer. Or maybe he decided to spend the day at home instead of at the coffee shop, in which case he was likely clad in his favorite pair of gray sweatpants and some socks. He'd probably be laying lazily across his couch watching TV with a cold brew nearby, his hair perfectly messy with that one 'S' shaped curl falling down in front of his face like it always did.

Alright, maybe she did love him. She had intended on the time apart to help her become less dependent on him but it seemed to only make her realize how much she actually needed him. As it turns out, the whole idea of 'absense makes the heart grow fonder' wasn't actually bullshit like she had previously assumed. She had gone into this trip hoping for clarity and whether she wanted to admit it or not, she got it. The idea of telling him that she loved him still terrified her. Perhaps it was the rejection that scared her most. When she suggested the idea of them being friends with benefits she didn't care if he turned down her offer or not. Not everyone is into casual sex and she understood that. But this wasn't casual sex, this was love. If she told him how she felt and he rejected her, he wouldn't just be rejecting the offer to sleep with her - he'd be rejecting her as a person...and the thought of that terrified her.

She hated that she couldn't talk to him. She just wanted to know what he was doing. Was he thinking about her too? Did he miss her as much as she missed him? With about a week left of their trip, Camila reluctantly decided to approach her sister with the topic once again. She knew Sofi would likely have some smart-assy responses but she didn't know who else to turn to right now.

"I think I have an idea," Camila said as she laid down next to her sister outside, letting the sun warm her tan skin as she pulled off her tank top and short to leave her in only her bikini.

"And what would that be?"

"What if I don't tell him that I love him?"

"Camila-" Sofi warned.

"I'm not done yet! Hear me out - what if I just act nonchalant about it? Like, what if instead of telling him that I'm in love with him...I just casually ask if he'd ever be interested in a relationship that was more than just friends who fuck?"

"It's better than not telling him at all, I guess..." Sofi sighed. "If that's what make you feel most comfortable then I guess it's not a horrible idea. It also makes it feel like less of an ultimatum, which is nice. Like even if he said he wasn't interested you'd probably still have the option of continuing what you already had."

"I'm gonna do it," Camila said with a confident nod. "As soon as I get back to San Francisco, I'm telling him."

"Fucking finally..." Sofi groaned as she stood up and walked back into their abuela's house, where they had been spending the day. Camila chuckled and stood up to follow her, not bothering to put her clothes back on. She regretted it the second she stepped into the old house and saw the look on her mother's face.

"Karla, just because you are a whore by profession doesn't mean you always have to be naked. Put some clothes on. At least try to act like you have even an ounce of dignity," her mother bitterly chirped. Camila rolled her eyes and began to go back outside to get her tank top and shorts, but not before hearing her abuela go off on her mother for speaking so rudely to her own daughter. Camila wasn't sure how her mother became such a prude when she was raised by a woman who was so progressive and accepting. Abuela never judged Camila for how she made ends meet, all she cared about was that her granddaughter was healthy and happy.

Although she had gotten pretty good at ignoring the painful remarks made by her parents she couldn't deny that the words still stung and managed to put a damper on her mood. She said goodbye to her sister and grandmother before leaving for the day to go back to her hotel. She was counting down the days until she'd be back in her little studio apartment, hopefully with a certain tall brunette man either on top of her or beneath her. She drew herself a bath and let herself sink into the hot water, relaxing both her muscles and her mind.

One week.

She had only one week left of this familial torture before she would finally know if he truly did have feelings for her or not.