Fanfiction [MASHIKYU]

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Mashiho

"Stop it, Shiho," Jihoon groans from the front seat of the car.

"What?" I ask innocently, wedged between Asahi and Doyoung in the back.

"Stop it with the bad vibes you're radiating! They're making me stressed!"

I can't help but laugh. "I'm sorry, I didn't realise I was radiating any particular vibes."

"Well, you are," Jihoon says, crossing his arms and looking out the window sulkily.

Doyoung chuckles, but Asahi doesn't look up from his phone. And I think Yoshi and Haruto are both asleep in the middle even with us talking over them.

"Don't worry, Jihoon," I say, stifling a yawn. "I'm sure everything will go fine tomorrow."

Jihoon sighs. "That's not what your vibes are telling me."

I roll my eyes and then yawn loudly, unable to stop it anymore. My eyes close for a moment, but I open them again. I don't want to go to sleep. Driving home after practice is one of my favourite parts of the day. It's the early hours of the morning, but the stars are twinkling and the moon is shining, refusing to give up to the sun just yet. The usually hectic roads are quiet, and the lights inside all the buildings are off. The whole city is asleep, but not me. Silently, I pass my worries over to the stars. I can't shake this feeling that the comeback is going to go badly. It's not that the song is bad, or that we have less fans now than we used to, but it's just... I feel like a lot of the hype surrounding us has died since our last one. Our digitals were never even that high in the first place. And although our new music isn't bad, there's nothing very special about it. The choreography is crazy difficult, but from the outside will just look like every other intense K-pop dance. The songs are kind of catchy, I guess, but not particularly meaningful. We don't have a unique and fresh concept that's never been tried before. We're not showing any new sides of ourselves. In my personal opinion, this mini album is wildly mediocre, and I think everyone who listens to it will feel that way. I pass all these thoughts out of my brain, through the fogged up glass windows and into the night sky, willing them to drift away into oblivion. But, unfortunately, they stay in me as well. So I've worried the stars for nothing.

"Shiho?" Jihoon interrupts my thoughts.

"Yeah?"

"The bad vibes are increasing."

Asahi dramatically slaps his phone down and sighs out a big huff of air, glaring at Jihoon, and Doyoung and I both crack up laughing, accidentally waking up Haruto and Yoshi, but we're only a few minutes away from the dorm now anyway.

I call dibs on the first shower once we arrive, and no one argues because I shower fast anyway. As the warm water runs over my body, I feel guilty that I've made Jihoon share my concerns, even though it was unintentional. I hope the other members aren't worried. I shouldn't have said anything to Junkyu, but he just joked around when I mentioned it, so he's probably fine.

I go to turn off the water, but hesitate when I realise I can't even remember washing my hair. I put my hand up to it, and it feels smooth, and I can smell the minty shampoo... and that's when everything moves away from me and I'm not here anymore. I don't know where I am, but I'm somewhere else. I've disconnected from my body and I am in a dream, floating, watching this, knowing it should feel real but it doesn't. I take slow, deep breaths, trying to focus on the feeling of the water against my skin which I know I should feel but right now just feels numb. Breathe. Breathe. Try to feel. Try to feel. Don't faint. Don't faint. I'm here. Right now. In this moment.

Luckily, this derealisation episode subsides after about a minute, not as intense as it sometimes is, and I'm able to hop out of the shower and continue with things as if nothing happened. I'm used to this by now.

Climbing under the covers, I feel warm and clean and happy to be rid of the gross sweat, but every muscle in my body is screaming in exhaustion. I doze in and out of consciousness until Asahi comes into our room and climbs up the ladder into the top bunk about ten minutes later.

"What were you doing on your phone the whole drive home?" I mumble into my pillow, eyes closed. He doesn't answer, so I'm about to ask more clearly again, assuming he hasn't heard me, but then I hear him quietly reply.

"Um... texting."

He has that familiar bashful tone in his voice, and I smirk to myself. "Texting who?"

"Just... my mum."

"Huh. 'My mum' is a nickname for Jaehyuk I've never heard before."

"Shut up."

I giggle, my desire to fall asleep not quite overcoming my desire to tease Asahi. "He's literally your boyfriend, you don't need to be embarrassed about texting him."

"Goodnight, Mashiho," Asahi says with an over exaggerated yawn, and I hear him rolling over, probably to face the wall.

"Having emotions is nothing to be ashamed of," I say in a sing-song voice.

"I swear to God, the moment you fall in love with someone I'm going to make your life hell," Asahi grumbles.

"Ah, so you admit you're in love, then?"

"Goodnight!"

I shake my head, deciding to let it go for the night. I'm too tired to keep this up for too long. "Goodnight, Asahi."

Asahi's been in love with Jaehyuk since forever, and despite how much he didn't want to be, he was painfully obvious. I don't think there was a single trainee who didn't know back in our YG Treasure Box days except for Jaehyuk, who was just as infatuated with Asahi, but neither of them listened to any of us and refused to believe that the other returned their feelings. They only got together officially right before our debut, and Asahi's still really shy about it. He insisted that he and Jaehyuk didn't move in together when we offered, because he didn't want their relationship changing anything within the group. I don't know why he's so embarrassed when it comes to talking about Jaehyuk even now that they're a couple, but I've never liked anyone that way so I guess I wouldn't understand.

My body starts to grow heavy, everything becomes a hazy, tired grey, and I know I won't be awake for much longer. I curl up into a ball and nestle deep into the covers, and send a silent apology to the stars for burdening them with my problems before I fall asleep.