Fanfiction [MASHIKYU]

2 - 9

Junkyu

Living with Mashiho has been like a dream. Like something out of a fantasy. I can't remember ever having spoken to him this much, not even during YG Treasure Box when we first got close through our performances together. We're always talking to each other at work, at the dorm, in the car... everywhere. I am the Junkyu of Junkyu and Mashiho, Mashiho and Junkyu, and I love it.

Hyunsuk, however, is still concerned about it. He said he saw Mashiho and I smearing icing on each other that one morning, and said it looked like we were having a lot of fun. I said we were, and he told me to be careful again. I don't know why he's so convinced that spending more time with someone I already know so well is going to blow up in my face.

A week and a half has passed since then, and now Mashiho is lying on my bed on his phone while I make even more edits to Curse than I already have. No matter what I do, I can't get it to sound right. There's something missing every time. We've recorded and re-recorded and I've changed the melody and instrumental and everything about a million times... but I just can't get what I want out of it. It's driving me crazy.

Which is why I groan "This is driving me crazy!" and put my head in my hands.

"Well, you know that I think every version you produce sounds great," Mashiho says, as he always does. "I didn't know you were such a perfectionist when it comes to music, considering you are certainly not when it comes to tidiness..."

I swivel around in my chair and narrow my eyes at him. "Hey. I've been doing a good job keeping the room nice and tidy since you moved in."

He smiles at me. "You're right, I'm sorry. I'm still just traumatised from what it looked like before. Anyway, don't worry about the song because it's going to be great and it's going to skyrocket Treasure to new levels of stardom and out of this little ditch, I know it."

I sigh. "It will most definitely not do that. Not like this, at least. Maybe Yedam and Doyoung's, though. Have you heard it? It's beautiful."

"You don't get to decide whether your song will be successful or not, I decide that. I say it's going to be amazing. I predicted when our last one would flop, remember?" He winks at me before I turn back around to my computer. "I know this stuff."

"Okay, Mr Psychic."

I put my headphones back on and continue playing around with the base line, getting more and more frustrated as I do. After about fifteen minutes, I hear Mashiho calling my name over the thumping in my headphones and take them off, turning around to look at him again expectantly. He shows me his phone screen, which is useless because I can't see it from here.

"New fanfiction chapter!" he announces excitedly. "Do you want to take a break and read?"

A little seed of happiness sprouts inside me. "Fine." I save and close everything.

I quickly check my phone before going over to Mashiho, and see my last opened screen was a search on derealisation. I've been researching it loads since Mashiho told me about it, trying to educate myself on it enough so that I can somewhat understand what he goes through. Lately I've also been looking up signs that someone is having a derealisation episode, and I need to look up how to help, because I can't bear the thought of him suffering and me not knowing and not being able to do anything about it.

"Ugh, my head hurts from staring at my phone for hours," he complains, closing his eyes and dropping his phone for a moment.

Immediately, I open up my laptop and search for Wattpad. "Want to read on my laptop then?"

He nods gratefully, so I find the story and once I'm ready, he scoots over to the far side of my bed, still lying down, and taps the space next to him. I ignore my racing heart, tell myself to act normal and lie down next to him. He pulls up the covers around us and nestles himself into me, and it's very hard to do this 'acting normal' thing I just told myself I would do.

"'Stop tickling me, Junkyu!'" Mashiho reads out the first line of the chapter, said by fanfiction him.

I tickle him like the fanfiction version of myself, and he lets out a shrill laugh and frantically swats my hands away until I stop. Fanfiction version of myself is much more ruthless, though.

What starts as an easygoing chapter gradually gets more and more intense, as it's in this chapter that Fanfiction Mashiho realises he's in love with Fanfiction Junkyu.

"'That was when Mashiho realised'," Mashiho reads aloud, "'That he would do absolutely anything for Junkyu. If he asked for the world, he would find a way to give it to him. Because to Mashiho, Junkyu was his world. His everything and anything. His heart ached as he realised this, as he realised that he was deeply and utterly in love, and he knew right then and there that there was nothing he could do about it.'" Mashiho goes to scroll down more, but there's nothing left. "Aw man, that's the end of the chapter!"

"Sad," I say, shutting the laptop and putting it on the floor so he'll stop pouting at the screen.

He yawns and snuggles into me more. "I'm so tired. I could fall asleep right here. You're really comfy."

I chuckle and wrap my arms around him. "You can sleep, if you want. I'll probably fall asleep too."

I don't expect him to be comfortable enough to actually fall asleep, and he didn't seem particularly exhausted, but in record speed he's breathing deeply.

We couldn't possibly be any physically closer than we are right now. His legs are jumbled in with mine and his whole body is pressed against me so that I can feel each and every breath he takes. His hair is brushing against my nose, and I inhale his scent and savour it. He still smells minty from his shampoo even though he had a shower hours ago. I very gently stroke some hair away from his face so I can look at him better. He looks so innocent while he's sleeping, like a puppy. His eyes gently shut, his lips parted slightly... and now I'm thinking about how easy it would be to kiss him. It would barely take a movement on my part. God, I wish I could kiss him.

I know that I'm not going to be able to sleep at all, because I want to stay exactly in this position all night so that he's comfortable and doesn't wake up. I know he's been having trouble sleeping here since he moved in and it pains me to think about, because I just want him to be okay always. That's all I ever want, really. For Mashiho to be okay.

And suddenly I get a rush of emotion so strong that I'm grateful I'm lying down, because if I was standing I probably would've been knocked straight to the ground by the sheer force of it. I can't describe the feeling in words, but it's so intense that I can barely breathe, and I straight away realise what's happened.

I should have listened to Hyunsuk. He knew. I should have been careful. How could I have been careful? What would being careful have looked like? All I've been doing is letting things happen as they do, and now I'm exactly where I was so certain I wouldn't be. Would there have been a point in being careful? Was this inevitable?

And maybe it hasn't just happened now... I'm not exactly sure how it works. It must be a gradual thing, right? Or maybe it happens all at once, in one minuscule, unsuspecting moment. I don't know if I've only just realised it now, if it's been true for goodness knows how long, or if it only became true right now, in this second, with Mashiho in my bed and in my arms and my laptop on the ground with a story about us inside it.

But I know one thing for sure, and it's so raw that it makes me want to cry. Despite what I keep telling myself, it's... it's not just a crush. This is serious. This is everything.

I'm Junkyu In Love.