Nursery

7

The door opened and footsteps echoed in the room. "I can take her."

I lifted my head from the nurse's shoulder and saw Alex standing just a few feet from us. He was in a dark blue shirt with matching pants. There was a band-aid covering his right index finger right at the knuckle.

I tightened my grip on the woman's shirt, not wanting to go to him. I didn't trust her but she never hurt me. She was safer than he was.

"Lyla, sweetie, it's okay. Alex is going to take you and get you cleaned up."

"Can't you do it?" I asked her.

She patted my back before handing me to him, prying my tiny fingers off her top.

I stared at her with wide eyes. I was scared. Terrified. I didn't know what he would do to me. It didn't seem like it could get much worse but I knew there was always a chance that they could.

"Thanks, Monica."

She nodded once at him before she started cleaning up the mess I'd made. The IV was leaking some sort of fluid on the floor, already forming a puddle.

Alex turned and put his thumb against the black pad to open the door.

I turned my attention to him, afraid of not knowing what was coming. I was sure he could feel me trembling but there was no way I could help it.

"Your stuffed animal is in my office. You left it there after you trashed the place."

I bit my lip, afraid he was still mad at me over it.

He turned down a hallway and stopped at the first door on the right. He opened it, this time without his thumbprint, and stepped inside. It was a large bathroom with a big tub against the opposite wall. Towels sat on a shelf neatly, like they were used and replaced all of the time.

He set me down on the tiled floor then stepped over me to start the water. I stared at the open door but didn't move. I knew I couldn't move nearly as fast as him and my legs were still shaky. I didn't trust my ability to stand.

As the water filled up the tub, he came back to face me and knelt down. He didn't say anything as he untied the gown from the back of my neck and pulled it off. I felt too exposed in front of him but there wasn't anything for him to see.

"Lay back."

I did as he said and laid down. He pulled the gown completely off of me and tossed it into a trash can beside the toilet. He pulled my diaper off, now significantly smaller than what I was used to, and did the same.

Then he picked me up and carried me over to the tub. He set me in the warm water then went to grab towels.

I stared at my tiny fingers and toes in the water. It felt like I was trapped in someone else's body. Everything felt so foreign to me and I hated the feeling it gave me.

Tears filled my eyes and I struggled to catch my breath. I was so... overwhelmed. I didn't know how to be myself anymore. I didn't feel like myself anymore.

Alex walked back to the tub with a small towel and knelt down so we were at eye level. He paused before pulling my hands away from my face. "Lyla, hey, it's okay. Your bunny's in my office. We'll go get it after we're done here."

I shook my head. I wanted my bunny but that wasn't why I was upset. I wanted to be mad at him for his lack of ignorance toward my feelings but if he really didn't care, he wouldn't even bother trying to comfort me. "I'm scared."

He brushed a tear off my chin with the wet towel. "You're okay, Lyla. No one's going to hurt you."

I dug the heels of my palm into my eyes and tried my best to stop crying. Every breath I took felt heavy and hard. Harder than the last.

I wanted to believe him. I wanted to believe that no one would hurt me. But I'd already been hurt more than I could have ever imagined.