Athy

Chapter 1

The coming train shook the ground with great force, nearly knocking the wind out of me. I thought that it was some sort of sign that the future would become reckless and unpredictable. The strong force of air caused everyone to flinch. The eerie sound of metal scraping the ground steadily increasing, causing the ground to vibrate slightly. The tips of my toes curl in anticipation and anxiety. Murmurs and laughter burst from either side. I cross my arms, not nearly warm enough. I keep forgetting that this coat serves no purpose but to look pretty. So I focus my attention on my tattered boots; I should throw them out by now but I've made such good use of them that it would be a shame to let them wither away. I flinch at Lily's cold fingertips on my cheek.

She scoffs at my discomfort; she had warned me to wear more layers because the forecast said it would be cold. Figures... Lily always knows best and I never learn. I shake my head before she can say anything more. I look forward once more. When is it coming? I can hear it clearly now. I lean on my toes and then roll back on my heels. The ground vibrates under my feet. It feels ticklish.

"Are you ready?" Lily scrambles to grab the luggage. I'm not sure what she's referring to... if I am ready to board the train or if I'm ready to start anew. 

Nonetheless I answer without looking at her, "I'm ready." However, if I'm being honest... I'm having second thoughts but I know that there is no going back now. The back of my mind whispers doubt: Maybe it's too early to leave. Maybe it's too late. What if things don't get better? What if Daddy never recovers? 

The voice can be heard over the train, louder with each passing second, "Lily. I-"

I am interrupted by that metal sound clashing and crumbling in front of me. The train stops abruptly and the doors slide open. I ignore the tremor of my hands and step forward before I can make up my mind. It's just cold is all. I'll warm up to it. The thoughts that once invaded my head disappear as I admire the work that's been done on the interior of this train. I haven't been in a train in a long time so I take this chance to look around as I make my way down the aisle. Lily urges me forward to our seats before we cause traffic for everyone else. Everyone seems to be in a hurry somewhere. I wish that were the case for us.

"Hurry now and take your seat Athanasia." I take my seat by the window and lean on my elbow. As nice as this interior seating is... it's uncomfortable. "Finally... we can sit and relax for a moment." Lily melts in front of me. I suppress a smile.

I press my fingers against the glass. It's cold and foggy in here. Not much different from outside.

"..." She sighs as I make little to no effort to respond to her.

I'm not usually this listless. Dad is the listless one. He thinks silence is an answer. The Daddy of the past would scoff at me but wouldn't disagree. 

I close my eyes for a few seconds to stop myself. The words leave before I can think, "Lily... how long?" She glances at me nervously. I haven't been asking any questions so far so this takes her by surprise. She swallows loudly.

"I can't say for sure but do not worry my dear... this is only temporary."

Temporary.

The train lurches forward. My chest hurts. My eyes stay glued to the moving scenery. It's calming but loud. I don't know where we're going but Lily says it's beautiful. A change of pace will be good for me. Nothing will be hard where we're going. The people are kind and welcoming. I try to focus on the positive but I don't understand what is happening anymore. I didn't even have time to grieve mothers death. I try to focus on the blurry images but my mind travels back to the last few days. Mother died and then it was like Daddy died with her. After that, he couldn't stand to look at me. He wouldn't look at me even after I broke down in front of him. Lily tore me away from him that day and I kept to myself in my bed for many days after that. Daddy never came looking for me.

Then when I finally had the courage to see him. I spoke to him through his door, begging him for answers for his indifference, "Daddy... talk to me... Please... What can I do for you?"

I can still hear his voice break with every word, "Maybe we should have some time apart..."

Everything started to fall apart that day. It was as if a part of me left with Mom and then the rest followed after what Daddy wanted. I don't know what I'd do if it wasn't for Lily picking up the pieces left of my heart.

"Athanasia?" I rub my eyes before I glance back at Lily, "Is something the matter?"

I swallow hard, "I was just thinking."

She almost hesitates to ask, "Thinking...?"

My fingers run along my armrest, slightly trembling. I want to tell her that I'm barely holding on as it is. That I never wanted to leave Daddy. I don't think I could live without him. This pain in my chest is only becoming more unbearable. How am I going to survive out there on my own? Will this throbbing in my chest ever go away? But most of all... The question that I've hidden away in the safest part of my heart. The question I refuse to confront. Does Daddy not love me anymore?

"I'm hungry." The words barely make it through. Like I'm talking through a straw. You can hear the hint of my despair laced in those words. But Lily doesn't question it and I'm grateful for it.

"Hungry? Ah!" Lily gets ready for another verbal beating, "You should have eaten more before we left but oh, 'This is enough Lily. I can eat later Lily. Stop nagging Lily!'"

"..." And somehow the tears evaporate before they even fall down my cheeks. Her nagging always seem to make me feel a little better during times like these. She definitely noticed it with my tone of voice. "Lily, what would I do without you?" She was still lecturing but stopped as soon as I interrupted her and gave me an intense stare, burning holes into the side of my head. She wants to pry, I know. She doesn't.

"I'm not sure. You'd probably have too many cavities to count." I smack her shoulder and pout. I hate that she knows me like the back of her hand. "Anyways... you can finish off that breakfast you never ate."

"Fine, fine." I take the muffin from her hand and devour it just to spite her. I tune out her disapproving grunt and drift back to my memories. They're the only things helping me go through with this and of course Lily. She picked me up from the floor and helped me pick up the pieces of my heart. I know I've already said it but it's true. She tucked me in at night after everything happened and stayed by my side. Lily helped me cope. I'm not sure what I would do without her. I might not be here this very moment. She's all I have left.

"Athanasia..."

My eyes widen at the scenery. I stand up from my seat and lean forward. Basically pressed against the window. I can't believe my eyes. It's absolutely stunning here. "No way... Lily is this really where we're staying?"

She grins while nodding, "Are you ready?"

This time I think I am.