Athy

Chapter 4

"Anyways... I didn't get your name?" Act natural! Be cool!

"Lucas." His hair bounces, the light making it lighter than it looks. It's pretty. He's pretty. I really can't wait to tell Jettie all about it. Pretty boys are just her type.

"I'm-"

"I know." he smirks and turns his back to me before I can respond. My ears burn.

He was awake the entire time.

My face flushed at the thought that Lucas had been listening the entire time. What does it mean? I'm so self absorbed that I flinch when Ijekiel speaks. I almost forgot he was there. "It's very nice to meet you Athanasia. I need to go back to my seat but I'll be here after class to take you to gym. It's a good thing I have that class next too." Every time he smiles, it reaches his eyes. It calms the heart.

"Thank you." I smile back politely.

"Let me know if there's anything else I can help with."

"Okay."

He gets up from leaning on the desk and heads straight for the front of the class. From there, the teacher signals for us to look forward and take notes. While I take them, my eyes wander around the classroom to observe my classmates. Many of them are preoccupied by something or someone else. Those by the window look outside even when the teacher glares at them. Lucas sleeps the entire time but its even more surprising that the teacher doesn't acknowledge it. I wonder why when he makes it so obvious. The clock ticks quietly as I wait nervously for class to end. It's so quiet even with the teacher lecturing so I start to think about home. Is Daddy eating? I hope Jettie got my message and tells me how he's doing even though I didn't ask about him.

"Athanasia."

I drop my pen and everyone looks back at me. My heart starts to pound against my chest. It's about to burst at this rate. The teacher has called on me. I stand quickly.

"Please read the next paragraph."

I glance down at my desk and try to remember which book the teacher was referencing, "Yes... I uh.." Before I can flip to the page the teacher shakes their head at me.

"Pay attention next time. Peony, can you read the following paragraph?"

I slump in my chair, tears nearly bursting out but that feeling is soon replaced with frustration when I hear a laugh coming from the corner. Why did the teacher call on me today? I want to go home.

Before I know it, the class ends but my heart refuses to rest after going through that. I place all my books and notebooks in my bag and pull the straps on then wait for everyone to leave. I don't want to embarrass myself anymore than I have already.

"Are you okay?" I look up and shake my head.

"Yeah. Should we go?" I stand up and look back at the figure in front of me. Not once did he lift his head up but now he's looking towards the left. 

What is he looking at?

Ijekiel is already starting to head out so I follow him before I think about trying to wake Lucas up.

"He likes to keep to himself. Don't worry too much about him." He says as if reading my mind. I look away quickly. "Anyways, it's just down here to the girls locker room. Do you have your gym clothes for today?"

I nod and hold onto my strap a little tighter, very annoyed with Lily for everything. My uniform is in my bag and has been ready for quite awhile. If only I had a bit more time to take in my environment, maybe then I wouldn't have gone through something like that.

"That's good. I'll meet you on the other side then." He waits for me to head in even though I'd much prefer to run away. Run away and never come back here. Even after deciding to start anew this morning, all my logical reasoning is gone after that humiliating incident. I kneel down and stare at my feet.

"Hey." Ijekiel kneels alongside me and tries to look at me but I just want to bury myself in a hole. "Are you not feeling well?"

"Sorry... I just need a minute. It's just a little overwhelming right now." I swallow. "Why don't you go on ahead?" I don't know if he can tell but the anxiety is slowly overtaking me. My hands are shaking and there's a throbbing pain in my stomach.

"Do you want me to call someone?" Ah... he noticed that I'm not okay.

"No." I say with a gulp and a little too fast so I try to cover it up, "I'm okay, it's just nerves... Please, I need to be alone." If only I wasn't like this.

"Ah... I'll give you some space then." He hesitates, "The office is just around the corner if you'd like to see a nurse. Please don't push yourself too hard." He pats my bag and leaves. I didn't get a word of that but air slowly escapes through my mouth as I close my eyes and try to think of nothing. Don't think. Listen to your breathing. In. Out. Slowly.

I try to comfort myself but it doesn't help that I'm all alone here in the halls. Everyone is in class now and my mind is full of thoughts. It's time to go. Everyone is going to notice that you're skipping. Lily will be disappointed. Don't embarrass yourself. Stop thinking so much and go. Go! and also-Breathe slowly. Listen. Focus.

The thoughts are so loud I nearly puke so I run to the nearest bathroom and lock the door. There, I let myself relax and drink some juice that Lily packed me this morning. It's so sour that it helps the indigestion for some reason and I nearly stop crying. I brush the tears away and stare at the wall. I know that it wasn't that bad but it was just so overwhelming out there at that moment.

 There's just one thought that is louder than the others. I'm all alone here.

The tears nearly double in numbers until I get a text. It's from Jennette:

Send to: Athanasia
From: Jennette
Subject: I MISS YOU

Athyyyy I miss you T^T. Sorry for the late text! You know I rarely go on my phone but that will change now that I don't get to see you as much. Please call me as soon as you're out. Everyone misses you here so much:((( I desperately need to see your place, I hate it here without you! I feel so alone without you in our class! I might just move to Mieta with you hehehe. You have to tell me how your first day went! Every single detail. Also, you better be eating your meals! Dad says don't cause too much trouble... whatever that means.

I laugh as I wipe my eyes with my sleeve. Jennette has always had great timing. Almost like she has this six sense or something. After a minute my fingers tremble as I type a response to her message.

I miss you too Jettie! If only you were here:( I've already finished my first class and so far so good. Everyone seems so close to each other! I'm heading to my next class but I'll call you after school;D

She texts back quickly. Must be her break.

Okay!!! I'll be waiting. I can't wait to hear about it later!!XD

Thanks to Jennette I gain the courage to leave the bathroom and head towards the girls locker room. That dreadful feeling comes up a couple times during the day but before I know it, the day is over and Lily is waiting outside for me. She asks all kinds of questions but I answer them vaguely trying to get over myself. I try to focus on the fact that there are people who wish the best for me from a distance like my cousin and my friends as well as Lily and Felix who are basically like family to me. It will only get tougher but I know that one day it will all pay off. I just have to push through.

"Won't you tell me how your day went?" Lily blurts out when we're walking through the streets of Mieta. She scrunches her eyebrows and narrows her eyes at me, "You look so pale... Something must have happened."

"Lily. It was fine." I lie, "More importantly, you owe me cake." I remind her and she shakes her head at me in disbelief.

"Alright already. Let's go. Maybe that cake will make you spill the tea."