Athy

Chapter 15

The day of Mom's burial was the sunniest it had ever been. Hardly anyone showed up because her family was small enough as it is and Dad's family disapproved of their marriage. All refused to attend with the exception of my uncle Anastacius and Jennette. There were probably a handful of us but everyone was stifling silent as the clergy spoke. My throat was tight as I held back my tears. Dad's expression was cold but he didn't look away from her coffin. Nor I. Not a single word has been stored in my memory. The only thing I remember was holding my Dad's hand so tightly that my fingers bruised.

We hadn't talked since that day in the hospital-about two weeks ago-and Dad had stayed with Mom until the very last moment. I didn't take the news too well when it finally hit me. Felix and Lily took me home and I locked myself in my room up until this day. I refused to cry that day. I had been crying the whole two weeks and I was sure that Daddy was just as bad. At the funeral he looked haggard and withered like a wilting flower but he still looked handsome. Mom loved the way Dad cleaned up.

Then at the end, when everyone offered their condolences, I could take it no longer. I would have preferred if they had said nothing and done nothing. It was just like... more reminders of what I had lost and I didn't need it at that moment. Daddy knew the feeling well because he held my hand the whole time and spoke for me. I was usually the one to converse with our relatives but today it was the opposite. That warmed my heart a little. Even though everything felt like it was ending, I still had Daddy. And that was enough.

But he could barely stand to look at me for months after that and it absolutely wrecked me. I had no one but Felix and Lily. If not for them I think I would have died from heartbreak.

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.

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After watching Lucas leave, I felt as though I were under water yet again. That same stuffy feeling like I am full of cotton or something. What the hell is wrong with my chest? I shake it off and head back inside. There I can see that the lights are all on.

Lily must have turned them on.

I really should talk to her but I can't right now. There's so much to think about. Mom, Dad... I checked my phone again and nothing. After waiting a few more seconds, I head back upstairs and take a warm shower. As the water runs through my roots, the tears pour out because I recall a memory of when my Mom brushed my hair. She used to run her fingers through the strands and massage my head whenever I rested my head over her legs on the couch. We'd watched some murder mystery documentaries and laughed along to cheesy rom coms afterwards. Dad absolutely hated rom coms. He loved watching psychological thrillers and horror but he still squeezed in on the couch. I was always in the middle because I loved being sandwiched by them and I'm sure they loved holding onto me.

I stare down at the tiled floor as the water weaves down my back all the way down to my feet. It feels nice and safe here. I feel so warm. I wish I could stay here like this forever.

"It's okay. Everything will be okay now." As if Lucas knew what I was thinking at this moment, his words cleared up the doubt in my mind. His voice still tickles my ear and I can still feel the warmth of his embrace.

I get so flustered that I look up and the water gets in my eye. I flinch and rub the corner of it with my fingers. Thanks to that I turned the water off and finally got out and went to bed after drying my hair.

I barely get any sleep that night thinking about my mother and Lucas. So to pass the time, I scroll through my album and watch every video of Mom.

After a few hours, beams of light escape through the blinds and hit my face. I lift my head and glance around before going back to sleep. I had finally gone to sleep around 5 and now it's 7. I only got two hours of sleep. What. The. Hell.