We Can Make It Up Again || S-I-N Sequel

Chapter Nine

Lainey's POV

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Although it had been with some serious reluctance I'd ended agreeing to Gerard's offer to take me and Summer home. Of course the awkwardness that showed up when I saw him ended up accompanying us to the car and I think the only one who wasn't a victim of the uncomfortable silence was Sunny who did a good job of holding a steady conversation with Wumpy.

Me on the other hand, I'd spent the first half of the car trip on the phone to everyone who'd called, explaining that Summer was fine and I'd decided it would be better if I left the party and took her home. There was also a lot of apologizing on my part since I'd successfully included third of the musicians in on the hunt. Apparently Brendon had a helluva lot more friends at the party than I thought he would.

Now we were into the second half of the drive and I was sitting in the passenger seat with my arms crossed over my chest. This wasn't the most comfortable moment in my life, in fact I've felt more at home in a gynecologists office or in church. Then again how comfortable was I supposed to feel after how things had gone when we last saw each other?
On top of it I'd been doing my best to avoid having anything to do with him for the past for years and I have no idea what he thinks about me nowadays although I Don't Love You seemed like a pretty fair summarization to me.

I sighed quietly and smoothed the crinkles from my dress, trying to think of something to make the silence a little more bearable. If I have to spend another twenty minutes like this then there's a good chance I'll go nuts, there's nothing I dislike more than the uncomfortable stillness that comes with a lapse conversation, not that there had really been all that much when we got into the car in the first place.

What was I supposed to talk about in this situation anyway?
Was I meant to ask him about his new girlfriend or apologize for completely walking out on him back in England?
Maybe it would be better to bring up the depression I suffered from my decision afterwards or that I'd made an in the moment mistake that I wished I could take back for eight months?

The more he did it the more I noticed the sideways glances Gerard was giving me and after enough looks I said something. "What? What are you looking at me like that for?"

"I'm just still trying to understand that I'm actually seeing you. You've changed. I'm not saying it's bad but you're wearing a dress and your hair's different and you're skinnier. It's just...not what I'm used to." Once Gerard replied he glanced at me once more before looking back at the road and not shifting his gaze again. I wasn't going to say he was wrong since I didn't typically dress like that and wasn't even used to it myself but I felt a point did need to be mentioned.

"I'm twenty-one now, Gerard, and Sunny's nearly four. I've grown up while taking care of her, I go to work, I have a car and an apartment, I pay bills. I'm not kidding, I had no idea that keeping a house and a life going cost so much." If not for the fact that the owner of the apartment complex I lived in was a friend of my brothers then I probably would have never been able to afford the place Summer and I lived in. I'd be able to pay for somewhere nice but not as nice as what I have. "I made mistakes when I was a teenager both in and out of England and I like to think I'm a lot smarter these days."

Not so smart as to not accidentally lose Sunny, but still...

"What street did you say you lived on?" Gerard asked, the car slowing slightly as he looked at the signposts on the road and waited for my reply. I cleared my head of any memories that I'd come to associate with the word 'mistake' before checking out the windows where we were.

"It's just up ahead, three more streets then take a right. It's an apartment complex on Chester Avenue. There's a huge park almost right next to it and a big sign so it's pretty hard to miss." Following my directions Gerard had no trouble getting onto the right road or parking. Once the car engine was off it became further apparent how nervous it was that I felt, I never knew I could so awkward being in the car with somebody. Once upon a time it was something that didn't even occur to me to be bothered about; it seems like my conscience is running at full power today.