We Can Make It Up Again || S-I-N Sequel

Chapter One

Gerard's POV

I stood there for a couple of minutes after the car disappeared, Mikey was talking to me, Mikey, Frank, Vic, they were all talking but all I could do was watch the place Lainey had been only moments ago, as if she might suddenly climb through the fence and come running back to me like some Nicolas Sparks book.

Yeah fucking right.

When I was younger I'd had a lot of girls pass through my bed, I'd always felt lonely afterwards, I missed the feeling of having someone beside me but this was like nothing else I'd felt before. It was almost as if there was a hole punched right through my chest, a hollow feeling that made me feel like I couldn't breathe and couldn't move. Even when she hated me it was like I could still sense her, there was a comfort in knowing I could knock on her bedroom door, go to the library or the back of the church and find her, often she'd be the one looking for me and whenever I saw her red hair and carefree grin I could feel a warmth spread through my chest that was nearly dizzying.

Now there was no warmth, only a freezing, black hole.

"Why does it feel like she died?" I hadn't meant to say it out loud it was only supposed to be a thought, a morbid thought and nothing more than that but it didn't stop Mikey - bless his trying heart - from taking his best shot at making sense of my accidental question.

"She's not, Lainey's alive. She's fine and she'll be happy." As I said 'trying', I think he'd reached a new record for making me feel depressed, it wasn't his fault and Mikey didn't realize that what sounded somewhat comforting to him actually made me want to find the nearest bridge and jump off of it.

I love her, I'm supposed to be the one to make her happy and I failed. I couldn't make her happy enough to stay, to want to raise a kid and have our own fucked up version of a family, I wanted to and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't make her love me back but that's one of the lessons we're supposed to learn in life isn't it?

You can't force somebody to love you, you can only try and try and feel like shit when you don't succeed.

"Mikey, take some sensitivity classes or lay off the beer." It was Vic who added some pearls of advice, he'd been completely silent while Lainey was running away but had apparently decided it was time to add his two cents. "Gerard, what you're feeling...that's heartbreak, dude. It's a fucking bitch and it hurts but you can't let it get on top of you." That was easy for him to say, he hadn't just had his heart ground to pieces under someone's Converse clad foot.

I didn't want to be angry at him, he was only trying to help and he'd given My Chemical Romance the goddamn offer of a lifetime, the kind of stuff small bands dream of. We could tour with Pierce The Veil, they've already got a name for themselves, won awards, gotten on the front of magazine covers but I was upset, angry and at the time it was the only thing I could feel.

"She's fucking pregnant, Vic! Lainey pregnant with our kid and now I'm never gonna get to see either of them! Never! Heartbreak might be a bitch but you try out having your child and only girl you have ever fucking loved taken away at the same time, then try to come up with shit like 'you can't let it get on top of you'! I fucking wish I felt hurt right now but you know what, I don't feel shit! Just emptiness because Lainey's fucking gone!" My voice was roughed up enough from the gig and by the time I'd finished shouting at the only shot my band's ever had my voice had completely broken and my eyes were stinging from tears; I hadn't cried over anything for four years, when my grandma died and here I was, having a full blown meltdown.

I can't handle this, not now.

"Gee, where are you going?" Mikey asked as I walked away, trying to catch up, to put his hand on my shoulder and do that brotherly advice giving thing he was crap at. As soon as he touched me I shoved him away, feeling a twang of guilt when he stumbled back, a hurt and nearly betrayed expression on his face.