Bewitched | wolfstar au

Fifty-six

It's late when Remus comes back home. He isn't sure what he's expecting. Actually, he isn't sure if he's expecting anything in the first place.

But Sirius is waiting for him. And he's fallen asleep on the divan.

Remus walks over to him, and places his bag on the floor. Sirius doesn't wake up, doesn't even move. His arm is under his head, and his other hand is dangling down over his stomach, pale fingers almost brushing the floor. His legs are bent at the knees. He looks so small and sad, curled in on himself like this.

"Sirius," he calls softly, crouching down next to the sleeping boy.

Sirius has the prettiest eyelashes Remus has ever seen. Against the pale backdrop of his cheeks, they're dark and beautiful, curving up off his skin like they're reaching for the sky. His lips are pale, too. And it breaks Remus' heart to know why.

Sirius stirs a little, but still doesn't wake.

When Remus goes to press the back of his hand on his cheek, his fingers are trembling. His heart is pounding in his chest, and his breathing is so loud it's sure to wake Sirius. He dares a small touch, the lightest one possible. Just the back of his middle finger, right below where his nail begins, against Sirius' heated skin for half a second.

And he forgets how to breathe.

"Sirius," he calls a little louder, "Wake up."

Sirius stirs again, and Remus pulls his hand back. When Sirius' eyes eventually open, they're glossy with sleep and tears.

"You're back," he says, going to sit up, but his arm wobbles under his weight. Remus leans in to help him, a hand at his shoulder, and almost draws back at how hot his skin feels through his t-shirt.

"Are you ill?" Remus frowns, pressing his free hand on Sirius' forehead. It's burning.

Sirius shakes his head, shying away from his touch. Remus doesn't stop him.

"I'll make dinner," Sirius says, standing up. He does it slowly, almost in a calculated way. Remus watches him, and then stands up and picks his bag up.

"Don't," he tells Sirius, taking a step away from him. "You're burning up,"

"I'm fine," Sirius replies.

"Yeah," Remus can't help sounding a little bitter. "Yeah, you really are. Go up to your room and lie down, Sirius. I'll bring you something to eat."

Sirius' head snaps up to meet him. Remus blinks, wondering what could've provoked that.

"I don't need to lie down," he says, looking very much like he needs to lie down. "I'm fine,"

"Why are you always so stubborn?" Remus looks at him, exasperated. Sirius stares at him, face blank.

"Fine, don't lie down then. Just sit and wait for me," Remus tries again. Sirius doesn't reply. "Please, Sirius," Remus adds, aware of how desperate he sounds.

It's not like he's trying to hide it. He doesn't think there'd be much use anyway.

With a sigh, Sirius relents. "Okay," he says hoarsely, "I'll wait." And he vanishes out the door, not waiting for Remus.

***

When Remus comes down after his shower, he finds Sirius sitting at the kitchen with his head down on the table, arms crossed below it to form a sort of pillow.

Remus sighs, shaking his head.

He doesn't go to wake Sirius until he's finished his culinary masterpiece, chicken soup. The only reason it turns out alright is because you can't burn soup.

He pours some into a bowl for Sirius, and sets it down on the table. Then he stares at Sirius, wishing he would just wake up. Because now Remus has to talk to him again, and...

It's just too painful. Even seeing him is too much.

Maybe Sirius was right. Maybe leaving is a good idea. Because God knows, Remus is suffocating under the weight of all the things he wishes he could do.

"Sirius," he eventually gathers the courage to speak up.

Of course Sirius doesn't wake up. How could he already be sleeping so deeply?

With a sigh, Remus places a hand on his shoulder, wishing his heart would stop beating so violently the moment he reached for Sirius. It's just my hand on his shoulder.

But it feels like so much more. It feels like everything that could be but isn't.

"Sirius, wake up. I've made soup," he says.

Sirius gives a low hum. "Not hungry, Reg. You eat," he mumbles, not looking up.

Remus freezes for a second. "It's not Reg," he says gently, "It's Remus."

Sirius goes still, and Remus can feel him tense up. He quickly removes his hand, no longer sure what he can and can't do. Sirius sits up with a jerk, and Remus doesn't miss how he winces afterwards, like it hurt him to move so fast.

Remus pushes the bowl towards him. Sirius stares at it.

"Its just a little. And then you can go to bed and rest," Remus tells him, holding his spoon out to him. He takes it with the reluctance of a child sitting down to do homework.

"Shall I toast you a slice of bread?" Remus asks, mostly to break the silence.

Sirius shakes his head.

"Okay," Remus nods, getting a bowl for himself. As they eat, Remus has to fight the urge to look at Sirius' bowl.

But just like the night before, Sirius finishes all of it. Remus hands him some fever medicine, and to his surprise, Sirius takes it without protest. "Thank you," he says, but he doesn't look at Remus.

When James said that he had talked to Sirius, this isn't what Remus expected to happen at all. Of course he didn't imagine everything would just magically turn okay, but this is... It's unbearable, the way Sirius refuses to even look at him.

"You're welcome," Remus forces himself to smile. He cleans up quickly.

Sirius is still sitting down when Remus finishes. And yes, Remus feels hurt, and maybe he feels a little angry, too, but he mostly feels his heart break at how Sirius looks. Pale and sad and so far away.

"Come on," Remus moves closer, but doesn't touch him. "Let's go to bed."

Sirius stands up, and Remus takes him upstairs. They walk together until they get to Sirius' door. Remus stops, waiting for Sirius to go in, but Sirius doesn't move.

They just wait there like that, in silence, with Sirius looking down and Remus looking at Sirius.

"Sirius?" Remus prompts. He wants to ask if something is wrong, but the obviousness of the answer renders that question too ludicrous to be asked out loud.

Sirius turns to him, and gives him a smile that makes him look a little dead. "Thank you, Remus," he says softly. He goes to say something else, but he ends up holding it back.

"Good night," he says instead, "I'll see you tomorrow."

And then he steps inside his room, closing the door behind him.