Why me?!

Chapter 10

Tw: Self-harm describe painfully detailed

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Zoé POV

In the middle of the night, I woke up thanks to someone shaking me. The one who was shaking me was Julia. „Is something up?", I asked her to which she nodded rather fast.

„Alex is downstairs! He's having a panic attack again.", she said and within seconds I was wide awake. I realized that Emiliá wasn't next to me either so it had to be really bad.

I got up and walked to where the most people were. The first thing I did was sending the small ones to bed so it'd be fewer people. After that, I made sure all the other adults were gone. That, for now, would only leave me and Emiliá. 

I sat with Alex and placed my hands around his shoulders. I leaned his head to my chest so he could hear me breathe properly. „Try to match your breathing up to mine.", was all I had to say, though I felt like even that wasn't needed since Alex already had a few panic attacks and knew exactly what he had to do.

 It took a while for him to finally match his breathing with mine but when he did he sat up slowly. He leaned on my shoulder as the tears kept falling down his face. It was good when he cried like this.

After one or two hours he'd finally calmed down. We decided it was best to let him stay with us for the rest of the night. All three of us went to our room, got ready and went to bed again. Emiliá was the first to fall asleep, but I decided to wait till Alex was asleep.

The next morning I woke up totally tired. I really didn't want to go to school but I had to and so did Emiliá. We decided we'd suffer through this day together and so we did.

When our two boyfriends picked us up we were already dead. Emiliá was a bit less tired than I was, but not really much, so we both forced ourselves through the day.

We were tired the whole day and could barely pay attention to class. On the way home Osamu and Atsumu were so kind to carry us. We were really grateful that they did.

At home, they brought us inside and to our room. Alex was there, greeting us with a smile. I got down from Osamus arms and went to give Alex a tight hug. I gave him a tiny kiss on the head. „Are you feeling any better yet? Did you sleep well?"

Alex chuckled lightly. „I did sleep and I'm feeling a lot better." I turned around just to see Osamu looking slightly angered. „Are you okay?", I asked him and he only huffed, walking out. 

I blinked a bit confused as Atsumu said goodbye to Emiliá. „I'll tell ya what's his problem later.", he said as he walked out. Emiliá waved to him and soon he had gone after his brother.

I looked after them and scratched my neck. „What happened to him so suddenly..." Emiliá shrugged a bit. „Maybe he's had a bad day and none of us noticed?", she asked and I only hummed. „Maybe..." Alex pat my shoulder lightly and smiled. „You'll be fine."

I nodded and smiled back at him. „He'll be gone by tomorrow! I'm sure of it!", Alex reassured me and I kinda felt better thanks to it. „You're right... Thank you..."

Emiliá went to make some food for everyone as Alex and I saw down. I read some books to Alex, still constantly thinking of why Osamu could've gotten so mad, though nothing made sense to me. Alex and I were family, so he couldn't be jealous, but I also never did anything else that angered him. At least it usually didn't.

Soon later Emiliá came to get us for dinner. „Please tell some of the kids to come to. I'll tell some as well.", she said and then disappeared to get the kids on the first floor. Alex took the second floor and I went into the third. There were four floors exactly, but the fourth was for the adults.

After we'd gathered all the kids and the ones who wanted to said their prayers, we started eating. I did my best to pretend like everything was okay, though it was kinda hard since the kids kept asking about Osamu and Atsumu, I managed somehow.

After dinner, we got ready for bed. Emiliá had fallen asleep pretty easily, but I simply couldn't. At around 2 am I slowly stood up, making sure I wouldn't wake up Emiliá and made my way to the bathroom. I opened a small shelf with some blades inside I hid in there.

Soon later I had a blade in my hand, the door locked and the first aid kid packed out. I was stressed and didn't know another way to handle it. I slowly placed the blade on my wrist and with a fast motion, I cut some of it open. I took in a sharp breath as my skin split and blood slowly started to spill from it. 

My eyes started to fill with tears as I did it again and again and again until it was finally 3 pm. I bandaged my wrist after cleaning it and went to bed. My eyes were still filled with tears, but I tried to be a quiet as possible.

The next morning went by like any other, except for that when we got picked up it was only Atsumu, without Osamu. I looked down silently the whole time, trying not to make any of the two notice that I wasn't as okay as I pretended to be. It was hard but easier than I expected at the same time.

'Just put a smile on your face and everyone will believe you.', is what I thought to myself as one of the teachers asked since I seemed off and I was right. They always did believe me. They didn't realize I was lying and none of them realized I had hurt myself either. 

Atthe end of the day, it got worse than I had expected. Kita wasn't in school, neither was Osamu and Atsumu was busy with Emiliá. It wouldn't have been a big deal if I hadn't run into Louise and her little minions.

They smiled at me evilly and heck had I wished anyone was there. They ripped up my clothes, kicked me and pushed me around. The worst part was that they saw my bandages.

„You loser cut yourself?", Lousie said and they all laughed. „You really just want attention, huh? You're so disgusting. Pretending to be a self-harmer just to make people like you!" They walked off, laughing and making more mean comments.

Once again I felt tears in my eyes. I screamed and cried into the air, not caring if anyone heard me. I didn't want this anymore. I couldn't take it. I was crouched down right next to the teachers' office, which I realized a bit too late though.

As I screamed the words 'Why me?!' as loud as I was able to, a teacher had come to me. I didn't want her to help me, but when she held me in her arms and comforted me, I couldn't lie anymore. I told her everything. Every little detail and it felt good. Really good.

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Well... Maybe there are some of my feelings in this little story. I don't know you guys in person so I can trust you with it :)