Strong Enough (An Older Brother Story)

Sacrifices: Part 1 (*Trigger Warning*)

Clayton's POV: 

It seems like what we have been doing so far has been helping Sophia with her eating disorder. We are trying to eat healthier and workout a couple of times a week. She has not been fighting me about eating and as far as I know she has not been trying to throw up her food. I feel like I handled this situation pretty well, given my limited knowledge on the subject. One thing that does still concern me is Sophia's self confidence. I know that eating healthy and working out is a lot healthier way of coping with her self image issues than an eating disorder, but it doesn't solve the root issue that she doesn't feel good enough as she is. I am thinking about all of this as I wait in the car line to pick her up from school. 

Sophia's POV: 

I hop in the passenger seat and Clay looks upset. I say "Hey Clay, how was your day?" He smiles and says "Pretty good kiddo, what about you?" I say "Umm, actually not that good." He looks concerned and says "What happened?" I feel like this conversation is going to go badly, so I pause and try to think of the best way to phrase what I am about to say. He interrupts my thoughts and ask "Soph?" I say "I feel left out at school." He looks confused and ask "What do you mean? Why?" This is the part that I feel like is going to cause conflict, so I say very carefully "Don't get offended by this, but it is really hard for me to fit in when I am not allowed to do things that my friends are doing." He responds, already sounding kind of irritated "Like what?" I say "Like...." and then I get really nervous and say "...never mind, it is stupid." He says "Come on Soph, don't do that, what's up?" I say "Fine, but only because you are insisting... like having a TikTok. All of my friends have one and they are always making videos and watching them and I am just left out because you said that I can't have one, which doesn't even make sense because I have an Instagram and a Snapchat." He sighs and says "And you proved to me that you could not even handle those by abusing your privileges with them and sending inappropriate things, you are lucky that I am even still letting you have those. Also, I don't think that TikTok is an appropriate platform for you to be on, there is a lot of inappropriate things on there." I can feel myself getting frustrated and I say "You aren't being fair! You said that you forgave me for what happened, but you are still holding it against me. And you don't even know if it is inappropriate, you don't even have one." He says "I have seen some of the things that are on there, like some of the dances, and I don't think that is an appropriate thing for a twelve year old to be watching or doing. I also don't think that seeing that type of stuff will help you feel any better about yourself." For some reason, that last thing he says just makes me so angry. I can feel myself getting louder and angrier and I almost yell "Wow, so now you are punishing me for having an eating disorder, thanks a lot, really progressive of you Clay..." And I roll my eyes and cross my arms in a huff. He doesn't say anything or even look at me, he just takes a deep breath and keeps his eyes on the road. After a few minutes, we pull into the driveway and we both sit there for a moment in silence. I go to unbuckle my seatbelt and he interrupts me and says, in a tired sounding voice "Sophia, I am not punishing you for having an eating disorder. I am pretty sure that you know that.  I am trying to protect you. There are a lot of predators on sites like that and I am not going to let my twelve year old baby sister act like a prostitute online for all of the perverts on the internet to see..." I interrupt him and say "I would not even do anything innapropriate Clay, I just want to have fun with my friends." He looks at me seriously and says "Sophia, even if you don't do anything that you think is inappropriate people can still find a way to make it inappropriate. And even if they don't say something inappropriate, people on the internet can still be really mean, there is a reason that I have a rule that you don't post pictures of yourself on your other social media." I am feeling pretty annoyed by him at this point, he is being so over dramatic. I say "Clay, I will be fine, I can handle it." He says "I know that you think that you can Soph, but you are going to have to trust that I know better than you on this one." I mumble "Whatever, you just want to ruin my life."