Strong Enough (An Older Brother Story)

Problem Solving...?

Sophia's POV:
I wake up in the morning to Clay shaking me and saying playfully "Come on Soph, get up!" I laugh and say "I'm up! I'm up!" as I sit up in bed. Then I ask "What's on the agenda for our day today?" He says "Well, you slept in a little late, so we will have to skip breakfast in order to make up for lost time, but I was thinking that we could start with heading to the mall and then see where the day leads us?" Wow, Clayton not having a plan, he is really committing to having a day like we used to have. It is hard to even remember when he didn't always have a plan or list or schedule for everything. I say "Sounds good to me, now get out of my room so I can get ready." I am just joking, but I know on a normal day he would say something about checking my attitude. Not today though. Hmmm, I wonder how far I can push this... I decide to wear my jean shorts that Clay says are too small (they aren't they are just short) and a crop top that a friend gave me. He would normally freak out if he saw me wearing this. This will be a true test of how committed he is to this day. I even put on some red lipstick that I have leftover from a play I was in. I am trying to contain my laughter as I walk down the hallway, knowing it is going to be near impossible for him not to say anything. I walk out in to the living room and his jaw drops. I can tell he is having to fight hard not to say anything. Unfortunately for me, Amelia walks out of the kitchen after a second and just freezes and crosses her arms. She gives me a look and says "Alright little miss thing, you might have a deal with Clayton about today, but you made no such deal me. So turn that little butt around and go put on something that covers it, and the rest of you, up. And wash of the lipstick." Clayton looks relieved that he doesn't have to break our deal already. I roll my eyes, but turn around and go change. I didn't think I was going to get away with it, but I had to try. I come back out in a modest pink sundress and Clay ask "Ready to go?" I nod and we head out the door. We are awkwardly silent in the car for awhile. I can't remember what we used to do. Listen to music I guess. I plug in my phone and turn on some Disney music. After a little bit, Clay starts singing along and then I can't help but sing along too. He never sings anymore. By the time we get to the mall we are both in tears from laughing so much.  The last song was the opening from Lion King, and he always sings it like he is confident that he knows the words, even though he has absolutely no idea what the words are. I think that it is hilarious. When we pull in to the mall parking lot I look over at him and say "I love you" he smiles and says "Love you too kiddo" probably a little confused at my random show of affection. We spend the next few hours at the mall. First, we go to arcade and play some games. We play the basketball shooting game and I actually win, which has never happened before. I laugh and say "I kicked your ass!" He looks a little shocked and starts to say something, but then he sighs and just says "Yeah, I guess you did. What's that, 1 for you and 100 for me?" I give him a fake glaring look and say "I think you are exaggerating a bit." He says "Yeah, it is probably only really like 1 to 75." I glare at him and say "Because games between a 6 year old and an 18 year old were so fair." He just responds "Okay, sore loser." We play a few more games, but he beats me at the rest of them. Eventually, he says "Let's go get some lunch." and we head to the food court. Once we get to the food court he looks around and ask "What do you want?" I say hesitantly "I'm not really hungry." He says "You haven't eaten anything yet today. Come on Soph, you love food court food." I begrudgingly agree to get some pizza and we sit down. Before we start eating, he reaches his hands across the table and I hold them. He prays quickly and quietly "Thank you Lord for this food that will nourish us, and thank you for the opportunity for us to spend this day together. Amen." We always pray before we eat, even if we are in public, but he tries not to make a big show of it. He starts eating and I try to nonchalantly sip on my water. After a few minutes Clay stops eating and looks at me, he says, trying to sound casual "You need to eat Soph." I say "I told you, I'm not hungry." I can tell that he is unsure of what to do next. He takes a deep breath and sits down his pizza, saying "Sophia, please." I want to just be agreeable and do as he ask, but I can't. I just shake my head no and I can see that he is getting both emotional and frustrated. He says gently "Sophia, I cant just let you not eat kiddo. It will be a lot easier for both of us if you do it willingly."

Clayton's POV:
I look at Sophia desperately, hoping that she will just eat so that we can continue to have our nice day together. Now that I know what is going on with her I don't feel like this is something that I can compromise on. I have to make her eat. She says "I can't Clay." I say "Sophia Grace, you have to eat, I am not going to argue with you about this." She sighs angrily and says "Today was supposed to be a nice day for us! Why can't you stop acting like a parent?! Just leave me alone, it is none of your business!" I want to respond angrily, but I try not to. I say "Sophia, you are my baby sister and you are trying to starve yourself. This has nothing to do with me trying to act like a parent. If Mom and Dad were still alive I would still not be okay with you doing this. I love you. I want you to be safe. I am not trying to get you to eat just because I enjoy bossing you around." She is quiet for a moment and says "Clayton, you just don't understand!" and she pushes her plate of food away from her and crosses her arms. I say, unsuccessfully trying to hide my frustration, "If you don't eat willingly I am going to have to take you to the hospital, is that something that you want?" She looks scared, I think that came out harsher than I intended. She shakes her head no and takes a few bites of pizza. I am relieved, but as soon as I relax she gets up and runs to the bathroom. I run after her, but realize when I get to the bathroom door that I can't get in to the women's bathroom. I tell through the door "Sophia, please, don't do it." but almost as soon as I say that I hear her throwing up. I feel so helpless, just standing right outside the door, but unable to do anything. I yell from outside the door "I'm right outside Sophia! I'm right here when you need me!" She doesn't respond. It is pretty reflective of how I feel right now with all of this, like I am yelling from outside that I am here for her, unable to get in, but that she isn't responding. After a few minutes, she comes out, but her eyes are red from crying and she looks like a mess. She looks at me and says "I'm sorry, I had to." and looks like she is about to burst into tears again. I hug her and say "I know kiddo, I know. It's going to be okay." I am sure we look ridiculous, standing outside of the mall bathroom, but I couldn't care less. After a moment, I say "Let's go home." and she nods. The ride home is pretty much silent, a very different atmosphere than just a few hours earlier. I guess I should have known better than to think that a day of fun could make this better. When we get home I tell her that she can go hang out in her room while I make a phone call.

Sophia's POV:
Clayton knocks on my door and I say "Come in." He sits down on the bed next to me and says "I made an appointment with the doctor, but they can't get you in until next week." I say "Okay." and stare at my feet. He says gently "I love you Soph, I am sorry that you are going through this, I wish I could fix it for you." I smile and say "I love you too Clay." He continues gently "I don't mean to be harsh on you, I'm just really worried about you." I nod and he continues "You have to eat though kiddo. This is not safe." I nod again, feeling panicked at the suggestion of eating. I don't what to do except to nod, I am not sure what to say. He ask "Can you tell me more about what is going on?" I take a deep breathe and say "I don't know Clay, I just feel panicked whenever I think about eating something. I don't want to get fat." He says gently "You have never been anything close to fat kiddo, that's not something that you need to worry about."  I say "Well, it is something that I worry about." He pauses, it seems like he is thinking, and then he says "Okay kiddo. Well, I just want you to know that I think you are beautiful and I don't think you need to worry about being fat. However, I know that probably doesn't help much. I have an idea though. This is not healthy, you have to eat. There is no way around that. However, there are a lot of healthier ways to stay in shape. You can eat healthy and go to the gym. Eating healthy doesn't mean just not eating though, it means picking out good food. So, how about this, we can plan out a menu for the week with healthy food and then we can go to the grocery store and get the foods that we need. We can also join a gym and do some work outs together if you want. How does that sound?" I say hesitantly "That doesn't sound like a terrible idea. And it probably wouldn't hurt you to eat a little healthier and workout." He responds "I'll take it. And I'll even let that last part slide." and kisses the top of my head. I am skeptical, but I can see how desperately he wants to help, so I will give it a shot. He tries so hard. I lay my head on his shoulder and say "I love you Clay, you're a good brother." He doesn't say anything, just puts his arm around me.