Strong Enough (An Older Brother Story)

Raising a Teenager

Amelia's POV:

Clay is out of town at a business conference, so it is just me and Sophia for a few days. He has wanted to go to this conference for several years, but he has never been able to leave Sophia for that long, so I am really happy he is finally able to go. He left on Wednesday and it is Saturday now. He will be back on Tuesday night. The last few days have been weird, Sophia has been really distant. I think maybe something happened at her birthday party, but she hasn't wanted to talk about it, so I have just left her alone and let her sulk in her room. I am going to try and lure her out today though. I go knock on her door and she responds with "What?" so we are off to a great start. I almost respond with a bad attitude of my own, but that is not the way I am trying to start the day, so I just let it slide for now. I open her bedroom door and say in a cheery voice "Hey kiddo, do you want to go to the mall and use your Sephora gift card?" She shrugs and says "Sure, I guess." That was not the enthusiastic response I was looking for, usually Sophia loves going to the mall. I ask gently "Soph, is there anything you want to talk about?" She rolls her eyes and says "Ugh, no Amelia, I've already told you that a million times." This child is really testing my patience today. I say, trying not to let my frustration come out in my tone, "Lose the attitude Soph. And don't roll you eyes at me, do you understand me?" She responds "Yeah." crossing her arms and glaring at me. I say sternly "Excuse me?" and she says "Yes ma'am." but by the way she is acting you would think that response was causing her physical pain. I say "Thank you, now come on, let's go." trying to end this interaction and get off the subject. Then we head out the door and to the mall.

Once we get to the mall, Sophia asks if she can get some new shoes. I say "Maybe, we will have to see, but we can look." After we look around for a while she picks up a pair of sandals and ask if she can get them, I ask "How much?" And she says "Only $150" This girl must have lost her mind. I think the look on my face gives away what I am thinking, because before I can even respond she whines "Amelia, they are Birkenstocks, that's how much they are!" And I just say "I'm sorry Soph, $150 shoes just aren't in the budget right now." She says angrily "It's not fair! All of my friends get to have things that we can't afford and do things that I am not allowed to do. You and Clay are the lamest parents ever and you aren't even parents!" Well, that makes me feel great. I say, trying not to react out of hurt, "I'm sorry you feel that way Soph, I'm sure that's really frustrating for you..." before I can even finish she just says angrily "Why don't you just shut up?!" I think I am about as shocked as if she physically slapped me. I say sternly "Sophia Grace, I don't know what has come over you, but you will not speak to me like that." She asks sassily "Oh yeah, what are you going to do about it?" crossing her arms defiantly. I say seriously "I will take you home, bend you over my knee, and give you an attitude adjustment you won't soon forget." Wow, I sound just like my mom. She responds "You will not, I don't know why you have to be such a complete b*tch Amelia." If I thought I was shocked before, it was nothing compared to the way I feel now. I say, in a scary whisper that I don't think I have heard since my parents used it on me as a teenager, "Sophia Grace, unless you want the entire mall to see me wear you out right here, you better march yourself out to the car without saying another word." She rolls her eyes at me, but complies.

Once we are in the parking lot, I tell Sophia to wait in the car and I call Clayton while standing outside. I try to explain the situation to him as quickly as possible, though I occasionally have to pause so he can rant angrily. Once I have finished explaining, and he has calmed down some, he ask to talk to Sophia. He wanted to talk to her as soon as I told him the first thing, but I was absolutely not going to let that happen. He is getting better about controlling his anger, but I don't trust him to do that in this situation. I agree to let him talk to her, but first I ask him, a little more firmly than I intended, "Do you promise that you will control your anger?" He says "Yes." but I am pretty sure I can hear him taking breaths trying to calm down. I know it may not seem like my place to police their interactions like that, but if I am going to feel legitimate about parenting Sophia, it has to mean advocating for what I think is best for her, even when Clay disagrees. Although, I understand that he has the last word. I get in the car and connect my phone to the Bluetooth so that it will play over the speakers. I say "Okay, I am in the car with Sophia now." He asks "Sophia Grace, do you want to explain to me why you thought it was acceptable to speak to Amelia that way?" She mumbles "No sir." and he asks "What was that?" even though I know that he heard her. She repeats "No sir." more clearly this time. He says "Amelia already told me, but I am having a hard time understanding what could have possibly possessed you to act like this, so I want to hear you explain what happened." She says desperately "Bubby, you already know, please don't make me." He says, sounding angrier, "Oh, so you thought it was okay to call Amelia that, but you won't even repeat it to me?" She responds, sounding frustrated "I don't think it was okay!" He says, obviously starting to lose his temper, "Little girl, you better not be raising your voice at me." I see tears fill her eyes and she puts her head in her hands. I can tell she is getting overwhelmed and reach over and squeeze her knee reassuringly. I see her take a deep breath and calm herself down, despite being upset with her right now, I am really proud of her for using her coping skills. Most of the things she does right now won't have permanent consequence in her life. Parenting is largely not about the individual mistakes, it is more about forming her character. Although, I am not sure that Clayton is grasping that as much as me in this particular situation. She says, sounding calmer now, "Clay, I am really sorry. I know it wasn't okay, but there is nothing I can say right now that will change that. I'm not trying to be disrespectful, I just really don't know what the right thing to say is." He is silent for a moment. I know part of him knows that this lecture is losing its effectiveness, but I also know him and I know he isn't going to drop it that easily. He asks "You know that Amelia is going to be my wife, right?" She sighs and says "Yes sir." rolling her eyes. She is lucky he can't see her right now. He says harshly "I know I didn't just hear you sigh at me." and then after a moment of uncomfortable silence he continues "What do you think I would do if someone else spoke to my wife that way?" I guess that question struck a nerve, because she drops the attitude and goes silent. He asks "Sophia?" She says "Not something good..." I don't think Sophia knows about this, but someone did call me that word in front of Clay one time at a football game in high school and Clay broke the guy's nose. It's not something either of us are proud of, but I know how Clay feels about people disrespecting me, which is part of the reason why I told him over the phone when he would have time to calm down, instead of waiting until he was back in person. Clay continues "No, not something good. How did you think I would feel about you treating Amelia that way?" She says "I didn't think you would be okay with it, but I wasn't really thinking about that in the moment." He says a little more gently "Soph, you have to think before you speak, or you are going to end up hurting people you care about and damaging your relationships with people." She says, "Yeah, I know." He continues "You know Amelia loves you so much?" She glances over at me and gives me a sad half smile and then answers him "Yes sir, I know that." He asks "And I know you love her too, right?" she says "Yes sir." avoiding looking at me, maybe this lecture is more effective than I thought it would be, I can tell by her body language and general demeanor that she is feeling less angry and more guilty. He says "I really don't appreciate you treating someone I love that way, but I also don't think that is how you want to treat someone you love, is it?" She says "No sir." and he wraps up by saying "I want you to think about the way you are feeling right now the next time you want to say something hateful and really consider if it is worth it." She says "Yes sir." and then there is a pause for a minute. He wraps up by saying "Amelia told me that she already informed you what your punishment would be for disobeying and disrespecting her, but you, me, and some soap will be having a conversation about your language when I get back, understood?" She responds "Yes sir." but I can tell she is fighting to hold herself back from arguing about both of those things.  He says "Okay, I love you kiddo, please mind Amelia until I get back, I don't want to have another conversation like this." She says "I love you too, and I will." And he says "Thank you." I switch him off speaker to say goodbye quickly and then we hang up. After a moment of awkward silence, Sophia asks "So, what's my punishment?" I ask her "What did I tell you it would be when we were in the store?" She responds in shock "I didn't think you really meant that!" I say simply "I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it." She starts to protest and I interrupt her by asking "Do you really think that arguing with me is a good idea right now?" She says "No ma'am." and silence fills the car as I pull out of the parking lot.

Sophia's POV:

When we get home Amelia tells me to go wait in my room. After a few minutes, she comes into the room holding a hairbrush and sits down on my bed. My stomach does a little flip, I really didn't think she was going to follow through with this when she threatened it in the mall. I probably would have shut my mouth if I had thought she was serious. She says gently "I'm not angry with you Soph, I want to make sure you know that is not what this is about, alright?" I nod and she says a little more sternly "Soph..." and I correct myself and say "Yes ma'am." and she says "Thank you." then she continues "The way that you spoke to me at the mall was unacceptable, do you understand that?" I stare at my lap and mumble "Yes ma'am." she says "Look at me when I am speaking to you." I do, and she really doesn't look angry, she just looks hurt, which I think is worse. She asks "Have I ever spoken to you like that? Have I ever told you to shut up, insulted you, called you a name, or cussed at you?" I respond "No ma'am." She continues "Have I ever even raised my voice at you?" I say "No ma'am." and then add in a lighter tone "Not even when I probably deserved it." She half smiles at that and then asks "How do I treat you?" I mumble "Nicely and with respect..." feeling embarrassed and letting my eyes drop to the floor again. She says sternly "Sophia..." and I know what the problem is, so I look at her and repeat clearly "You treat me nicely and with respect." She asks "So, do you think I deserve to be treated with respect as well?" I say "Yes ma'am." starting to feel pretty guilty about the way I treated her. She was just trying to be nice and I was being so rude and hateful to her. I add "I really am sorry Amelia." She says "Thank you Soph, I appreciate that. But I am not going to let you become one of those teenagers who thinks they can get away with disrespecting adults, you were and will be raised better than that, got it?" I respond "Yes ma'am." I know she's right and I've got this coming. I know better than to speak to anyone like that, much less an adult, much less Amelia. After a moment she takes an audible deep breath and then says "Alright kiddo, stand up and bend over my lap." I quickly obey, trying to minimize the awkwardness for both of us. The first whack of the hairbrush stings, but not as much as I expected it to. I brace myself to be here for a while, but after about ten she tells me she's done. As I stand up, I accidentally mumble out loud  "Is that it?" She says teasingly "Do you want me to make it worse?" I say quickly "No ma'am." feeling embarrassed. Don't get me wrong, it hurt, but the sting is already fading, and it's definitely not going to leave marks or bruises like it always did when I was little. Despite the relative mildness, I am still crying, but I think it is mostly from guilt and from being a little embarrassed. I felt pretty tough and grown-up when I was yelling at Amelia in the mall, but it is hard to feel very grown up when you are over someone's lap getting spanked. I guess I actually am a little bruised, but only my ego. I am pulled out of my thoughts when Amelia stands up and hugs me. I hug her back tightly and she waits for me to let go, then says "I don't want to have to do that again." sounding a little choked up herself. I sniffle and say jokingly "We both know that you are going to have to do it again..." she chuckles a little and says "Yeah, probably so." and then after a moment adds "I love you very much kiddo."

Amelia's POV:

Sophia responds "I know. I love you too." After a few moments of silence she asks "Amelia?" I respond "Yeah, sweetie?" and she continues "I'm glad that I have you as a parent, I know you don't have to be, I didn't mean what I said." I was on the edge of tears this whole time, and that really pushed me over the edge. I hug her again tightly until she complains jokingly "Uh, Amelia, I can't breathe!" and I finally let go. Then I ask "Do you want want to try this shopping trip again?" She nods. I hug her again quickly and then say "Okay, go wash your face and we can go. You've got mascara streaks running down your face and you look kind of crazy." I add the last part in a teasing voice. She says defensively "So do you, you know." I didn't even think about that. I laugh and say "I bet I do. Give me like 10 minutes to freshen up, okay?" She nods and heads off to her bathroom. I sit on the bed and take a moment to decompress. Being a "parent" is hard, exhausting, and confusing. I don't know how Clay has done it by himself all of this time. Speaking of which, I should probably update him. I don't want him to be stressed out at his conference over this. I text him "Things have calmed down here. Minus some tears, we are both none the worse for the wear."