In Between [ATARAXIA Series #1]

010

"It looks good," Jazxer complimented my work while looking at my sketchpad. We are now in my room. My doctor didn't allow me to go out anymore. They're afraid that I might collapse outside.  

"It is. I'm sketching you. It's good because you are good-looking." I said. His face flushed red which made me chuckle. He's too cute. 

"Someone's blushing." I mocked him. He glares at me but instead of stopping teasing him that glare makes me want to tease him more.

"Tss. You making fun of me." He makes his face looks sad.

"I didn't. You just made me happy every time you are here." His expression changed all of a sudden his eyes glistened with pain but it changed again as if he doesn't want me to see him like that. Our atmosphere became awkward. So I took a sigh and smiled at him.

"What's that?" I asked him while pointing to a blue notebook that he was holding. That was the first time I saw that notebook with him.

"It's my diary."

"Seriously? You have a diary?"

"Yes, don't give me that look. My mom said it's good to keep a diary. It's like your best friend that you can write everything." My favorite smile of his appeared. I nodded.

"I don't know you have that side." He just let out a small laugh.

"By the way, Azzelle. Do you have any pictures?"

"Why?"

"I just place it in my diary you know." It's just a simple statement but it gives me a fluttering feeling.

"There," I pointed to the drawer beside my bed. We are sitting on the couch. "Inside there is a picture of me." He stood up and opened the drawer.

"Why?" I asked him. He looks so stunned while looking at my drawer.

"Hey, Azzelle," I called him once again. He showed me something from the drawer. A red card.  My donor card. "Yes, I'm a donor. If I die. Automatically my other organs will be donated to people who need them." He gives me a proud smile.

"What's with your smile, Mr. Jazxer?" He giggled.

"I am just so happy that I've met someone like you. I thought you are a cold person but as the day passes I discovered that you are beyond that. I never regret asking you that day."

"Likewise Jazxer. I never regret letting you enter into my life..." I find a reason to live happily for a while.

"Let's stop this drama." He hissed jokily. He sat beside me again. He stared at my photo. It's my picture but I'm not smiling I'm just staring at the camera seriously.

"Why are you not smiling in this picture?" He asked.

"Well, that picture was captured when I woke up after having a cardiac arrest. I'm disappointed because I am still able to survive that time. I just want to end everything. I already surrender that time. But it seemed death isn't ready for my life." I honestly answered.

"I'm sorry..." My forehead knotted when I heard that.

"Sorry for what?"

"For coming too late in your life." He gives me a bitter smile before continuing. "I should enter your life as soon as I can. So I'm sorry." 

I smiled at him and pinched his cheeks. "It's okay, Jazxer at least you came you are not late, and never be late. I'm contented. I'm happy." I saw happiness written in his eyes. The emotion that I wanted to see in him forever.

"I'm so happy that I was given a chance to know you and love you," Jazxer muttered.

"Jazxer, why do I feel that you're saying goodbye to me?" He shook his head.

"Never. I will never think of that silly." He patted my head and beamed.

"I believe in you," I responded. He kissed my forehead and then hugged me.

"What are our plans for tomorrow?" I excitedly asked.

"Hmm. You cannot go out of your room. So let's watch movies? Or read books? Or chitchat all day long." I giggled. I'm excited.

"Okay. Let's watch a movie tomorrow here. By the way, I will keep this." He raised my sketch of him. I nodded. After saying goodbye to me. He left. I was left with a smile on my lips. I'm really happy every time Jazxer is with me. I suddenly want to freeze time with him. If I can only do that I'm sure I will be the happier man on this planet.

"Someone looks so happy." I turned to Yvon and laugh at him.

"Yes, I am, sir. Have a problem with that?" I grinned. He shrugged and checked my vitals.

"I don't have Mr. Azzelle. But makes sure your condition is getting better. You know what your doctor said. Don't be so happy don't laugh too much, don't be so sad just balance a normal one." He's like a parent that keeps scolding his son. I saluted at him.

"Yes sir. I will keep that in my mind. Don't worry." I lay down on my bed and closed my eyes until darkness invades me and pulled me into a dream... Or it's better to call it a nightmare.

"Where are we?" I asked Jazxer. We are walking in an unfamiliar place. It's a road. A gloomy road. The streets light are flickering which made the place so eerie. I can't help but hold Jazxer's hem shirt.

"I don't know..." Jazxer's replied.

"H-huh? What do you mean by that Jazxer? Let's get out of here. It's so scary."

"We can't Azzelle..." That made me look at him. His eyes are emotionless. They're dead. 

"Why?"

"You are the one who dragged me here, Azzelle. Don't you remember? You bring me here! You bring me in this endless road and darkness." I stepped back when he yelled. Those empty eyes are now full of rage. 

"W-what? Hey, Jazxer. What are you saying?" He faced me with anger. His tears are falling from his eyes. I can see the pain and anger in him. 

"Ever since I met you. You made my life live in darkness. With you, I'm stuck here. With you, I'm not happy but miserable. Azzelle you are giving me pain and you make me live in darkness." He steps forward toward me. And the next move he did made me cry in fear. He strangled me.

"I will kill you! I loathe you! Die now Azzelle die!" He gripped my neck with madness.

"DIE!"

I opened my eyes. My heart racing too fast. I tried to move but I can't. My chest is starting to get tight. I feel I'm having palpitation. Every beat that my heart made gave me a throbbing pain. My machine started making a loud noise. I don't know how long I'm bearing the pain. But I can do nothing. I can't even yell to call for help. 

The next thing I knew. I don't feel anything anymore but I know they're gathering around me. I feel the cold thing that touches my chest.

"200 joules!" It's Dr. Sid. He is yelling and sounds so worried.

"Shock." I felt the electricity that thundering in my chest.

"Fight Azzelle! Fight!" Everything seemed so scary. Something pulls me. I'm losing my breath. The last time I heard is the flat line of the machine that was attached to me. Before I face death I saw Jazxer smiling at me and mouthed 'I love you.'