In Between [ATARAXIA Series #1]

Untitled

SPECIAL CHAPTER

JAZXER ALLIE POINT OF VIEW

"Love... wake up..." A smile crept on my face when I heard that sweet voice. I can feel the soft thing that landed on my forehead. I'll never get tired of waking up like this every morning. I opened my eyes and the first thing I saw was his smile. A smile that made me smile too. 

"Good morning love." I greeted him and give him a morning smooch and caged him in my arms. 

"Good morning too, love. You need to prepare for your office. I'll go downstairs. I need to prepare Nathan's lunch box." I nod. I immediately stood up and do my morning rituals before going to the office. I fix my business suit and go upstairs. 

"Good morning daddy!" My son exclaimed as I entered the kitchen. I kiss him on his forehead and sat down. 

"Coffee for my husband." Azzelle put the cup of coffee on the table. 

"Dada, daddy. I'm going the school bus is already here. I love both of you." Nathan kisses us before running toward the door.

"We love you too. Take care" Azzelle screeched so that Nathan would hear him.

"So what's your plan today love? You're alone again." He sat beside me before answering my question.

"I'm going to Ganther's house. He invited me to their home. I can't decline. And I also want to see his son." I saw contentment lingering in his orbs which made me satisfied. "And also I'm going to the publishing company. Because today we will publish my latest book." He smiles. Excitement was written on his face. 

After breakfast, I went to the office. When I and Azzelle got married my company and his company merged. I'm the one who's handling both. I let Azzelle fulfill his dream as a painter. Not just a painter. Now, he is writing too. He was known as one of the great painters and writers in the country which made me so proud of him. He fought a lot and he deserves what he has right now. And I'm willing to do everything to make him happy. And feel loved. 

"Sir, they already published your husband's book. Here I bought one for you, sir. It's already sold out on the market so we're lucky to have one." As my secretary said that I grab the book right away. I even heard her giggle. 

"Tsk. Sir, you didn't even say thank you to me. I'll tell this to sir Azzelle." I just shrugged.

"Don't worry I'll triple your allowance." And with that, she smiles at me and bows.

"I'll back to my station sir, enjoy reading." I can't help but to shrugged. 

"In between."I read the title. My smile grew wider. " I know that this book is about our story. How he fought and how we ended up together." I opened the last page. Tears roll down from my eyes. It's just a short message but it made my heart pound. I'm lucky to have him. I'm lucky that I met him. I'm lucky that he falls for me. I'm lucky that he chose me every single day and I'll do the same. I'll choose him and our son forever. 

"You made it, Azzelle. I'm so proud of you," I whispered. His experience isn't easy to deal with. Fighting with your demon is the hardest thing in this world. Why? Because in the process you'll lose something or you might lose yourself. And I'm proud knowing that he won against himself. He is a fighter.

***

I slowly walk toward him. He is preparing dinner for us. I give a quiet signal to my son when he's about to greet me. He nodded. I hug Azzelle from behind. 

"Congrats, love..." I gave to him the bouquet of blue roses that I bought as a present to him. 

"Wow, it's pretty. Thank you, love..." I shrugged. And tighten the hug. 

"No, I should be the one who's telling that. Thank you for fighting and saving yourself. I might be your instrument to heal from that world but we cannot deny the fact that you are the one who made everything possible. Thank you for fighting. Thank you for using me as your inspiration. Thank you for coming back. Thank you for loving me. And thank you for choosing me in that in-between. I love you." I kiss his temple.  

If I'm going back to the past. I'll eventually do what I did. Waiting for him. I'll wait for him even if it takes a lifetime. Because it's worth it. The happiness and contentment that I have right now are worth it. Azzelle is a kind of reward that you'll never regret having. In between losing and hoping that he'll be back for me, I'll always choose him. In between tiredness and waiting for him, I'll choose him. No matter what the world throws at us. I'll always choose Azzelle and I know he'll choose me too. Waiting for him without any assurance that he'll come back to my arms isn't something easy. It takes years of pain. Losing hope with tiredness. Crying every night. Asking without any answers. Searching for an unknown path. Waking up with pointless feelings. The doubts linger inside me every night and day. Those tears I shed with the questions behind the back of my mind. Fighting those demons that dragged me to surrender and stop waiting for him. I fought too. It's a kind of battle between mind and heart. My mind wants to stop but my heart fights for it. It's not easy but if it's Azzelle I am willing to experience everything again. I am willing to go through those pain once again if at the end of those in-betweens and races, I'll be home in his arms again then so be it. 

"I love you too..."

"Me too, dada, daddy. I love you!" Nathan wrapped his little arms around us. In their arms I found a home, I found love and I found happiness that I'll never change for something. Because my life is bound to be with Azzelle together with our son.