Already Mine (Lalex)

Chapter twelve

Studio/Garage 6:43pm Wednesday 1994 

Luke Pov

Nothing but complete and utter silence. Not a peep from either of our sides for twenty minutes now. Twenty unbearable forever lasting minutes. Of course, until I break it. "Last time I checked I'm not the one leaving up and dry." I voice irritatedly as a response to his presumperious comment.

I see his head shoot up to look up at me in the loft from the corner of my eye, dismayed that I'm the one to say something. He had probably preferred to sit in this awkward and uncomfortable silence. Perhaps though, the silence didn't bother him. Perhaps my presence doesn't affect him at all, no racing heart or maybe even tinges of pain? I know it's awful of me to wish that upon him but I shouldn't be the only one still hurting and longing. Aching for someone I wouldnt allow myself to have.

I turn to look down to him, his feet kicked up on the coffee table and a book plastered open across his lap. As I sit up here overthinking about how I'M the one who can't do anything right, while I'm the one bothered by his closeness, he's down there reading a book. Our eyes lock, annoyance in his look.

Alex rolls his eyes, unbothered by me as he breaks eye contact and returns to his VC Andrews book. I huff, removing myself from the beanbag and standing on my feet, leaning over the banister. "No, but seriously. You're the one leaving. You're the one who ditched school and practice for three days when you knew we needed our drummer to rehearse. You are the one who got yourself kicked out of your own house." I spit.

Alex's eyes have never shot up to meet mine so quickly. Glances of hurt displayed in his deep ocean blue eyes as a result of my last comment.

Regret.

Out of all the words I could have chosen, I found myself choosing those. Those hurtful cruel nasty words that I have immediately regretted to allow to pass my tongue and through my teeth.

His lips tighten, eyebrows furrowed. Just as stunned by the last statement as I am.

"Alex Im-"

"Never tell me that being who I am and not being ashamed of it is a reason I can't do anything right." He states coldly through gritted teeth.

"That's not even remotely close to what I said." I defend myself, even though it isn't the most helpful.

"Of course you'd need me to draw you a diagram in crayon." he scoffs before continuing, "Shocker, Im gay Luke. Gay is when you ae attracted to the same sex, you understand?" I roll my eyes, utterly annoyed now. "And unlike you I don't have a problem with who I am. I wasn't going to hide myself in my own house."

Before responding I squat down, taking a seat on the wooden platform of the edge of the loft, allowing my legs to dangle down from it. "I am perfectly fine with who I am."

"That's the problem." he mutters quietly to himself. I decide to leave his comment untouched.

We sit there, like we are, with me in the loft looking down at him and him on the couch with his head planted into the palms of his hands. Another five minutes or so of silence go by, and guilt reaches up to me, causing me to break it. "I'm sorry, Alex. I shouldn't have said that. It was cold and heartless and I didnt think how you would feel hearing it." I apologize. "I didn't mean to hurt you, Ive never meant to hurt you." I finish softly, referring to just now and everything I have ever done that has caused him the tiniest ounce of pain.

Alex doesnt look up to face me, but still replies. "The one that I was referring to about not being able to do anything right wasn't you. I was talking about myself to myself. I was frustrated with myself." He takes a moment to gather the rest of his thoughts to form into words. He gently moves his golden strands of hair to the side of his face, looking up at me. "I was already thinking the worst of myself. I already felt bad. I could have gone without hearing your list of reasons why I keep messing things up."

I sigh, gathering myself and making my way down the steps of the loft. Alex and I hold each other's gaze as I make my way towards him, seating myself to the right of him on the sofa. He doesnt turn his head towards me as I sit down, breaking contact with one another. He focuses on his fingers in his lap as I fixate on to the side profile of his face.

"You're not a mess up, Alex." I state warmly. "You're anything but."

"Well there are worse things than a screw up..."

I scoff, "Fine, you're anything but, screw up and above."

I can spot a shy smile creep onto his face while his attention is til captivated by his fidgety fingers. "Thanks" he chuckles.

Again, as it seems to be the only thing for us to do, we fall into another silence. This time broken by Alex. "How did we get here?"

"Whatcha mean?"

"How did we get here?" He repeats. "To the point we insult one another and pick at each other's flaws. To where we can't even stay in the same place with one another for long periods of time?"

I shrug, "Things happened." Alex lifts his head up to catch my eyes with his. "Not saying I like it, but it's just where we landed."

He nods his head as he mumbles the word "Yep" popping the 'p' at the end.

"We used to be best friends, Alex."

"Yeah, well we made a few mistakes along the way."

My eyebrows furrow as I shift in my seated position. "Are you referring to our relationship as a 'mistake'?"

Alex too, shifts his position to face me better. "I wouldn't exactly say we benefited from it."

"Tsk, I see."

"Yeah."

"But we had our good times though, yeah?" I ask in need of reassurance of something that is long gone.

A warm smile is plastered across his face as he nods, "Yeah, it wasn't all so bad."

"Wasn't all so bad." I repeat after him. "I'll take what i can get."

"We had our good days." He admits.

"You think?"

"The days where we didnt fight or argue. Or when it was the weekend and we just spent the days with only each other."

I grin at the memories. "Wasn't all so bad."

"I remember," he chuckles to himself, "I remember when we spent that one day at the pier."

"Oh no, dont-" I laugh from embarrassment.

"We decided to get corn dogs and we sat at that one bench facing the ocean."

I cover my face from embarrassment, groaning as Alex laughs. "And- and that pelican just came flying down."

"Dang bird finessed my corndog." I chuckle while Alex hollers laughs.

"You chased it down the freaking pier trying to get it back!"

"No luck. But when I got back you had bought me another one." I smile warmly.

"You would have done the same if a pelican came out of nowhere and stole my lunch."

"Eh" I shrug jokingly.

Alex grabs the couch pillow to his side and wacks me repeatedly with it. I yank it out of his gasp and throw it across the studio before giving him a playful push. I hadn't noticed how closer we had become. Our thighs now gently graze one another.

Our laughs die down as we notice our closeness. My heartbeat picks up as our eyes meet.

Oh...