𝑲𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝑶𝑭 𝑴𝒀 𝑯𝑬𝑨𝑹𝑻 (Taejin)

Chapter 4

Jin's POV

The house was empty as usual.

There had been a point of time when it mattered. When I had cried myself to sleep. When I used to wander around the empty halls hoping to see someone that would tell me that I was not alone.

But now I was used to it. I accepted the silence just like I accepted that I was unwanted.

I hand the grocery bags to the cook and head to my room.

Talking with Taehyung today, made my day just a bit more brighter. It made me smile. It made me feel giddy. Even if he didn't look interested in talking to me, I was happy just in the fact that we talked.

I properly talked to the one person who I had a crush on, since three years. He, apart from Jimin, was probably the only one who I wasn't cold or mean to. I wanted to be good to him.

My phone rings from my nightstand and I pick it up. It's Jimin. It's always him.

"Jinnie! What's up?" 

I smile. He would always call me whenever he was free. To check up on me. To ask me how I was. Especially after the incident that occurred 2 years ago. 

"Nothing much, Jiminie. I was planning on starting on my homework. What about you?"

"Ah, I just finished with mine. Did you have a talk with the school counsellors yet? I had mine today".

We all were getting assigned timings to go meet the counsellors and to decide what we want to do after school and for further studies. How to build a portfolio, the things you would have to have to get accepted in a particular college.

I already knew what I wanted to do. It was one out of many other things, I was sure of. I wanted to study fashion designing. 

Ever since I was young, Areum noona had taught me how to stitch and knit. She used to make sweaters or cardigans for me all the time. In a blue satin box behind my wardrobe, all her works are kept safely. I don't wear them anymore. Just the touch of the warm cloth with my hand makes me remember noona's smile- her warm hugs. 

I clear my throat.

"No, I haven't had mine yet. All I have got to talk about is the application letters after all. You are still going to go ahead with dance?"

"Yep". Jimin says, his high pitched voice knowing exactly what he wants. "Dance it is. Plus Hobi hyung has already told me that I can work with him after I graduate".

"Yeah, you told me. It's a good thing that you already have a plan. Well, I better go and do my homework then. Bye Jiminie!"

"Bye! See you tomorrow".

I hang up the call and I start doing my history assignment.

If I were to use my advantages, I could have easily used any studious person in the class to make them do my homework but I am pretty sure Mr Kim kept track of my grades. And making someone else do my homework would have surely affected my grades in a bad way.

The last time I had gotten a D in math in tenth grade, Mr Kim had called me useless. He had screamed curses at me.

Just because I was used to hearing them doesn't mean that it didn't hurt.

It always did.

And maybe that's why, a stupid part of me still kept trying to please him.

My mind goes back to Taehyung while studying about the Russian Revolution.

It was adorable, the way he had kicked the can.

But thinking about it now, I realise how rude he had been. And I had been silly enough to thicken my skin and ignore his attitude.

I have no idea why I did that. The usual Kim Seokjin would have never done that.

Tomorrow, I was going to find Taehyung and give a check to his attitude.

My phone rings again and I flip over the pink cased device to see in disappointment that it's Mr Kim calling.

I swallow and thicken my voice. The last time he had called me, he had said that my voice was too soft- even if it was manly enough, and I was supposed to have a deeper voice.

"H-hello?"

Mr Kim's gruff voice comes from the other end. "How are you?"

Years of experience had led me to know that the expected answer to this question would have to be "I am fine".

"I am fine, what about you?"

The followed question was a mere formality. The one time I had forgotten to ask, I had been called an ungrateful bastard.

"Perfect. How are studies going?"

"Good".

"Okay. Tell me Seokjin, James told me that you had stopped to talk with a boy today- should I be worried about him?"

I internally groan. I should have known my current bodyguard/driver was a snitch.

"No, he isn't something you should worry about. We...the boy and I, had stopped to talk about...a project".

I surely couldn't tell him that I had a major liking towards this guy since the day I knew that I was gay.

"I don't want any distractions from your grades, am I clear? I shouldn't be worried about any girls seeing that you grew up to be a fag...-but steer away from boys. I wouldn't want the media to call you a whore or a player. That would ruin my image".

Of course.

It was always his image.

"Nothing would happen".

"Great. You can go and do whatever you were doing. I am busy. Goodbye".

A small part of my heart still expects a take care. Or a love you.

But the beep signalling the end of the call, tells me that it will never happen.

"Goodbye, dad". I whisper into the phone to no-one.