Fragile

Chapter 1

I remembered the first day of freshman orientation. It actually wasn't that different from high school orientation. We did cringy ice breaker games and took photos and it ended with the sports teams playing together. I smiled, because I felt happy, and I wanted to be like normal college kids. 

I wasn't like normal college kids. But as long as I played along, no one was going to know every different. 

"Hi!" a bubbly girl startled me. I recognized her as my new roommate. "I'm Kiera." 

I plastered on a smile. "Fay," I greeted, setting down one of my boxes. 

Kiera was beautiful. So beautiful, model companies should line up. Her skin was sun kissed from the long summer, her long beach blonde hair in a ponytail with the waves cascading perfectly, as if someone had set them there. Long legs and curvy in the right places. When she said she was from California, I realized it made sense. She looked just like a girl who would be from the coast. 

"What about you?" 

"Me? Arizona," I said softly, trying not to feel self conscious in my men's gym shorts and paint stained t shirt. We were moving in, why wear white daisy dukes? 

Two middle aged people, who appeared to be her parent, peaked in the door. "Are you settled in?" the mom asked in a sweet honey voice. She looked just like Kiera. Her eyes found me next. "You must be Kiera's roommate." 

I nodded to her, shaking her extended hand. Just like this, I thought. No one could tell I was different. No one knew. "I'm from Arizona." 

She smiled pleasantly, looking around the room. "Did your parents leave already?" 

My plastered smile almost cracked. Were parents supposed to help their daughters move in on the first day? Was that a normal protocol? "They followed me up and had to leave early," I lied. "My parents travel a lot for work." 

The mom didn't seem to detect the lie, just nodded absently as she rearranged her daughter's things across from mine. "Have you decided your major?" she asked me. "Fay, right?" 

I nodded. "Liberal arts." That was also a lie. I was still undecided, but something about being undecided didn't seem normal. 

"Cool, I'm OT," Kiera spoke enthusiastically. 

After a few hours of unpacking, her parents finally left. I analyzed my side of the room in comparison to hers. White and rose gold themed. Were college students supposed to have themes? All her decorations seemed so expensive, lights hanging over her bed frame. My side looked bare next to hers. I didn't have decorations, just some sheets I managed to scrounge from goodwill that looked near new, and other supplies I was able to thrift and make look new. To make them look like normal college items. 

"You ready?" Kiera had her white satchel over her shoulder. 

I blinked. "For what?" 

"To go to the cafeteria. It's dinnertime," she said brightly. "Do you want to change first?" 

I looked at the mirror, reminded of my repulsive outfit. My long brown hair that was in a bun was now falling messily. "Yea, hold on." 

I wasn't used to changing in front of others, so I grabbed some clothes out of my freshly packed dresser and headed into the bathroom. I had purchased a lot of skinny jeans. Normal girls wore cute skinny jeans, right? And they also wore pretty blouses. I had bought those too. The only thing that seemed out of place were the shoes I matched with the outfit. Worn out sneakers. They felt like a crack in the armor, a slip up.