Fragile

Chapter 11

"Where is she?" I whimpered, curled into a ball like an abused animal. My voice had been weak from lack of use. "Where is she?" 

"Mom" never felt like a term to accurately describe the woman that was both my only human interaction and my gatekeeper. Even so, she was the only thing I ever knew (or rather, remembered) and when child protective services had invaded the basement, they took the woman with them. 

My mother was mentally ill. Apparently a mother with an extreme irrational fear of their daughter being taken wasn't normal. My mother, who was terrified of me being shattered, had locked me away like a princess in a castle, with little light and an industrial lock on the door. 

"Do you remember a time before the basement?" was always the question. Back then, I had racked my brain trying to remember. I knew I was eight when the basement became my reality, though I didn't know why or when. I used to have dreams of playing with other kids and being outdoors, but I had no idea if that was real or just a fabricated delusion. 

"They all want to take you from me," my mother used to whisper. "They want to hurt you and break you. I won't let that happen. I'm here to protect you, my love." 

Her words seemed nurturing, but whenever she spoke in that way I always felt frightened. Who wanted to hurt me, and why? Who was scarier, them or her? It was hard to say. 

"I'll find you, my dear! Mommy will find you and protect you!" Those were the last words that woman had screamed before I never saw her again. The thought of reuniting with her should have felt soothing, but the words only brought chills to my spine. Did that mean she wasn't really a good mother, or was it me who was the ungrateful daughter? 

Gatekeeper, Gatekeeper, open the gate, 

 I can't open it without a key, 

 Which gate shall I enter?

The nursery rhyme spun in my head. I wondered where I had heard such a creepy song before. I could vaguely recall playgrounds and cotton candy. I used to carry coloring books. Did I have friends before I was locked away? Did I have a father?

Gatekeeper, Gatekeeper, open the gate,

I can't open it without a key,

Which gate shall I enter?

If I did have a friend, was it a boy or girl? I heard the sound of a little boy's laugh ringing in my head. It mingled with a young girl's. Was the laughter mine? 

Gatekeeper, Gatekeeper, open the gate,

I can't open it without a key,

Which gate shall I enter?

I jolted awake with a gasp, my heart pounding as I clutched at it. I hadn't had that nightmare in months. That creepy nursery rhyme always came as a bad omen to me. I didn't even remember where I had heard it or why. 

I struggled to calm my breathing down when I realized Kiera wasn't in the room. I looked around our dorm to find her shoes gone. What was she doing out so late? Was I possibly bothering her by being loud in my sleep? 

Remnants of the argument with Noah seeped back into my thoughts. It was probably due to him that I was experiencing nightmares again. Ever since I had arrived at the dorms, I had very few. For some reason, however, Noah was bringing up issues that were perfectly content in their box. 

But maybe the nursery rhyme had other omens to warn me of. My phone buzzed. It was an unknown caller. Could it be from the hospital? However, the only answer was an automated message.