Permanent Scars

EPILOGUE: The Girl In The Mirror

December 9, Sunday. 11:45 p.m.

Adam is everywhere I turn. All around me. But I cannot touch him. Every time I try, he disappears and pops up behind me. It's like chasing a ghost.

   Dylan taps at the door. I want him to go away and leave me alone. I just want to lie here, curled on my side with Adam's cat. I know I shouldn't be in Adam's room but it's the closest to him I'll ever be now. I can't get the scene out of my head. How dare they haul him off like that? That wasn't supposed to happen. He was supposed to stay here, to protect me. Keep me from cracking even though he wasn't always capable of that. Now he's just...gone. And they're probably gonna kill him. I don't know how I'll handle that. I won't handle it. I just won't. I can't.

   "Shortie? Is it alright if I come in?"

Pulling the sleeves of a borrowed hoodie over my hands, I snuggle deeper into the unmade bed and find comfort in Pickwe's purr as he curls against my side. I don't want to talk to Dylan. I don't want him to come in. I need time to myself. First I have a mental breakdown, then Adam gets hauled away. It's just too much all at once.

   "You awake, Shortie?"

   I bite my tongue, restraining all the words I want to volley at him. He doesn't need to know that I'm awake. In fact, I was almost asleep before he came knocking.

   Faintly, I can hear Dylan's mom reproving him. "Leave her alone, Dyl. She'll come out when she's ready."

   "Yeah, but she's in his room."

   "Leave her be. It's late, you should be sleeping."

   A tiny, victorious smile carves itself into my face. Joan gets it. Sort of. She's making him leave me alone. And I can tell he's obeying her, because he sighs very heavily before stepping away from the door. Satisfied, I give Pickwe a gentle stroke from head to tail. His fur is so soft. It's comforting. He licks my fingertips to show his appreciation for the attention, snuggling closer and purring louder. In the back of my mind, I can hear Amber trying to surface again. She calls to me so plaintively. But I don't want to be Amber right now—I have to be Amber in front of everybody, all the time. I haven't been Serenity in so long. I've almost forgotten what she's like.

What does she look like? What's her favorite color? Favorite food? Is she homeless, like Amber, or does she have a family who loves and cares for her?

Rousing myself—whoever I am—from the bed, sliding off the mattress until my bare toes sink into the soft carpet, I creep through the darkness and pull open the metal doors of Adam's wardrobe. There's a full-length mirror inside the left door. Curiously, I peer close at the girl reflected there. She is very thin, wearing a filthy nightgown that hangs off her small frame. Huge sapphire blue orbs for eyes set in a pale, freckled face peer back at me, asking the same question I'm asking her: Who are you?

I lift a hand, the girl in the mirror does too. I show her the scars on my wrist, she shows me hers. Hers are oozing blood and mine are dry. Her eyes leak tears while mine just burn. She looks so lost. Behind her, I see the chaos of an orphanage. A lady with frizzy hair is leaning through a door, screaming at her. She glances at the lady, pink lips quivering, then turns to reach for me. As if I am her savior.

But I don't know who I am.

She starts to sob—I can hear her so loudly in my ears. She's pleading. Begging me to save her. Don't leave me, she cries. Don't let me go. Don't forget me. Don't let me die.

"Who are you?" I whisper, voice choked.

She just stares at me with tears pooling from her eyes, cascading down her face, completely silent. I press my hands against the mirror until the glass cracks and the girl falls out with the pieces. Her body fuses to my body, becoming me as I become her.

Our arms are coated in a thick red substance smelling headily of iron that pours from gaping wounds. We stand and our legs fail to support us, so we fall to stain the carpet as the glass below cuts into us again. Our mouth opens and we scream; our head buzzes and our body feels so terribly cold and numb.

Somebody flings the door open. They grab us, shouting things that we can't understand. They put us in the bathtub, just like Adam did earlier today. Is this a repeat? Why does the girl in the mirror always do this to me? She always gets us in trouble.

I hate the girl in the mirror.