Anchor {h.s}

seven

There is something about ‘ the morning after ’. Although for most people, this expression can be used without much concern, sometimes things aren’t that easy. Sometimes the morning after creates some sort of separation between your life before and your life after. As if what had happened on that night had been so important, sometimes so life-changing, that you could no longer consider that things were normal. The morning after meant the beginning of something new, bad or good.  

Never had I considered my liaison with Harry simple or redundant. Truly, it was the complete opposite but compared to last night, it all felt so dull. Never had sex felt so amazing, intimate, between us. Yet, no matter how good it was physically, I couldn’t shake the feeling I had. We barely exchanged a word during the act and still, something shifted between us. It was nothing like what we were used to. We didn’t connect but rather disconnect, and it left me feeling heart-broken.

That feeling intensified when I woke up the next morning and realized that Harry was gone. At first I didn’t believe that he was truly gone and made up excuses for him, because no matter what had happened before, when we fell asleep together, we always woke up together, but it seemed like it wasn’t the case today.

After turning from side to side several times and trying to catch a noise in the apartment that would indicate that he was just in the kitchen or in the bathroom, I ended up admitting to myself that Harry was indeed gone.  I sighed and rested on my back, staring at the ceiling. A few rays of sun sneaked through the curtains, mocking me and forcing me to face the day ahead. I sat up and rubbed my eyes to get rid of the sleep that clung to me, but the more awake I felt, the more I could sense the dark clouds above my head.

I wanted to shrug it off, after all a lot of friends with benefits didn’t spend the night together, but I just couldn’t help reminding myself that it had never happened with Harry and I. I questioned everything that had happened last night, from the moment he walked into my room to the moment I opened my eyes. What had I done that had pushed him away?

The images played in my head, making me relive what felt at the time like the best night of my life, but now seemed to be the worst. I couldn’t find what I had done wrong. He kissed, I kissed; He moved, I moved; He breathed, I breathed. Never had I felt so close to him but with the morning light, it seemed like never had we been further apart.

I had to drag myself out of bed and face the day to come. As always on Saturday mornings, I had the morning shift and didn’t want to be late. I didn’t get less sleep than usual but everything seemed to be so much harder today. Getting out of bed, eating, brushing my teeth, dressing up and walking to the bus stop. I did it all with my mind somewhere else, not fully registering my actions.

The bus ride went by in the blink of an eye as I sat down and stared out the window. We passed by buildings and buildings and people and streets and buildings and people; it all blurred together really. So much so, that I almost missed my stop and had to run to the doors to get out in time.

Niall was already in the kitchen when I arrived. I headed straight to the employee’s room to put my stuff in my locker. I took a minute to compose myself and to get my mind off of Harry, but everything seemed to remind me of him. Even my work place held memories of him that I couldn’t ignore. I closed my locker and rested my forehead against the cold metal. I could hear Niall preparing his things in the distance and tried to concentrate on the noise he created.

Work was important to me and I had to get my head in the game. I never wanted my personal life to interfere with it and today was no exception. It might be harder than usual, but I was strong and could get through it. 

I took a final deep breath and came out of the employee’s room, ready to take on the day. I went behind the counter to start the coffee machines and saw that they were already on. I turned around to look at Niall through the kitchen window.